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In OLD, how important is it for a guy to be decisive in wanting kids or not wanting?

Col1

By Col1
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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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In online dating, each profile can choose to display if that person wants kids or doesn't want (more) kids. Or the profile can go with the vague "maybe" response to having (more) kids.

 

How important is it for an adult guy on OLD to have his mind made up on this issue, rather than chose the "maybe" option?

 

Does "maybe" come off as open-minded, or is "maybe" too indecisive?

Edited by Col1
serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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Posted (edited)
In online dating, each profile can choose to display if that person wants kids or not wanting (more) kids. Or the profile can go with the vague "maybe" response to having (more) kids.

 

How important is it for a guy on OLD to have his mind made up on this issue, rather than chose the "maybe" option?

 

Do "maybe" come off as open-minded or indecisive?

 

I think the most important thing is to be honest about it. Don't put "maybe" if you really mean a firm "no" or "yes". Otherwise, you might end up with someone who has a core value that doesn't align with yours, and then you're wasting everyone's time, including your own. "Maybe" means you're genuinely willing to consider either way at this time - you should only put that if it's actually true.

 

If you put "maybe", I don't think you'll come off as wishy-washy, if that's what you're worried about. In fact, you're probably in the majority there.

 

But that just doesn't seem like the most important aspect of the question.

Edited by serial muse
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Col1 Established Member

Col1

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Follow-up questions:

 

Is it strange when a single mother gets a message from a childless guy who said "no" to kids? Do ladies understand that this "no" on his profile means he doesn't hate kids?

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

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To the first question: I think it depends on the woman. It's important for some of them.

 

Unfortunately the dating sites don't seem to have an option for "yes with the right person but this doesn't define my dating needs and your own preference probably isn't a dealbreaker". :/

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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I suggest you clarify your intent, you wants, in your profile description if the OLD site does not give you a clear choice that works for you.

 

I'm 47, no kids, some days I think I want a child, some days I think I don't. Up until the last girl I met, who had 3 kids and shared custody with their father, I dated single moms where dad was not in the picture and that worked well for me. It was not by choice, just kind of worked out that way.

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serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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Follow-up questions:

 

Is it strange when a single mother gets a message from a childless guy who said "no" to kids? Do ladies understand that this "no" on his profile means he doesn't hate kids?

 

Hm, good question. I guess I might find it...not strange exactly, but curious.

 

I mean, if I were such a woman, I wouldn't assume that "doesn't want kids" means he hates kids. But I would certainly be curious about why he's pursuing me in that case, and what sort of expectations he has about the kids ever being around. Because from what I can tell, most single moms in the dating world want it to be clear that their kids are part of the deal, and are naturally going to be protective in that sense. So you should expect to have to elaborate on that one.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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This is an interesting thread because I have wondered if I am more attractive to women who have kids, or less, because I have never had kids.

 

I dunno, I have never asked a woman. It's my best guess it's up to the woman, though I would think I'm more attractive as they don't have to "deal with that" maybe? I've never had a woman so No to me because I never had kids, thus my theory.

pink_sugar Established Member

pink_sugar

Posted
Posted
Follow-up questions:

 

Is it strange when a single mother gets a message from a childless guy who said "no" to kids? Do ladies understand that this "no" on his profile means he doesn't hate kids?

 

Maybe he just doesn't want any of his own.

Michelle ma Belle Established Member

Michelle ma Belle

Posted
Posted

OLD is by nature extremely flawed. It's cold and impersonal. All we have to do is click a few boxes, write a brief bio and TA DAH!!!! Love will appear. NOT!

 

How the hell can you convey a multidimensional YOU with a few multiple choice questions and 120 characters? And to add fuel to the fire, it doesn't help that most people (mostly men) don't even bother reading profiles but rather base their selections on pictures and maybe one's height and weight.

 

Filling out an online profile is like a catch 22; many times the options available to click that best describes what you're looking for are often too black or white and don't allow for the exceptions. At the same time, if you could fill out everything in greater detail, you'd probably turn people off because attentions spans on OLD are short and fleeting at best.

 

There are obvious many pros to online dating but there are just as many cons. I think the trick to dating online is to always be honest, open and take everything with a grain of salt. Oh, and having a sense of humor goes a long way too :)

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