jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Why don't we see the signs that our ex was pulling away from us? Do we choose to ignore them? Do we think we can change their mind? Are we just so blinded by love that we are just ignorant to them? Looking back at my relationship, I can see now obvious signs she was checking out yet I wouldn't let go. I feel like a fool.
STM206 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Why don't we see the signs that our ex was pulling away from us? Do we choose to ignore them? Do we think we can change their mind? Are we just so blinded by love that we are just ignorant to them? Looking back at my relationship, I can see now obvious signs she was checking out yet I wouldn't let go. I feel like a fool. I don't think anyone assumes that because their partner seems a little distant or may be feeling stressed that it's going to result in such an extreme of them packing up and leaving. In hindsight we begin to see what was happening. It could be partly blinded by love but isn't that what love is? Trusting that you'll remain honest with one another about your feelings? From my experience, an hour before my ex broke up with me, we were watching our favorite TV show, cuddling and I was massaging his neck. I assumed all was well. We don't see the signs because the majority of our exes never said outright what was bothering them. They mask it with light-hearted phrases that leave us believing things are still okay. Do you see a train coming before you get hit? No, because if you did... you wouldn't have gotten run over. 5
mammasita Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Normally we do see the signs, we just choose to ignore them or brush them off. Think back to those signs that are so "obvious" to you now. What did you think at the time? You know what they always say......Hindsight is 20/20. 3
Author jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Do you see a train coming before you get hit? No, because if you did... you wouldn't have gotten run over. You don't see it, but maybe you can hear it coming... Think back to those signs that are so "obvious" to you now. What did you think at the time? I honestly can't remember what I was thinking at the time. I was so in love with her, maybe I didn't take them as seriously as I should have especially when she would tell me or do things that would encourage me the relationship was going good. Maybe I just chose to believe the good and not the bad. Maybe I just wanted it to work so bad that I pushed it aside, but now realize she gave up long ago.
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I don't think you see the signs because they aren't obvious at the time. Two situations :- a) Your partner comes home from work a little quiet and says they are tired, you accept what they tell you because you trust them to be honest. 3 years later you're still together. 2) Your partner comes home from work a little quiet and says they are tired, you accept what they tell you because you trust them to be honest. The week after you've broken up. 3
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Maybe I just chose to believe the good and not the bad. Maybe I just wanted it to work so bad that I pushed it aside, but now realize she gave up long ago. You're going through the beating yourself up, blaming yourself stage. Try not to. In fairness, she should of told you "long ago" something wasn't right, either giving you chance to work on that or splitting up earlier.
STM206 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Do you see a train coming before you get hit? No, because if you did... you wouldn't have gotten run over. You don't see it, but maybe you can hear it coming... Yeah that's what you're hearing... "I'm breaking up with you" the actual impact is your heart being ripped out of your chest.
jphcbpa Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 often their words and actions are not matching up. we tend to give more credit to their words. my ex, 8 days before the bu, said, "when we have our house one day, I want lanterns in our backyard". 2
STM206 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 often their words and actions are not matching up. we tend to give more credit to their words. my ex, 8 days before the bu, said, "when we have our house one day, I want lanterns in our backyard". Right? Even their actions lead you to believe that all is well. My ex went out of his way to buy me a desktop for Christmas, 3 days after New Years he broke up with me. If I knew I was going to break up with someone, I sure as hell wouldn't be blowing $1,500 on them. These "signs" are sometimes an ancient scripture that needs to be decoded. 2
Always Pondering Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Right? Even their actions lead you to believe that all is well. My ex went out of his way to buy me a desktop for Christmas, 3 days after New Years he broke up with me. If I knew I was going to break up with someone, I sure as hell wouldn't be blowing $1,500 on them. These "signs" are sometimes an ancient scripture that needs to be decoded. At least you got something good at the end 2
Author jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 often their words and actions are not matching up. we tend to give more credit to their words. A lot of truth to this for sure. Though some of her actions did lead me to believe we were fine such as shopping for rings the saying "I like thinking about our future". Blah. You're going through the beating yourself up, blaming yourself stage. Try not to. I am certainly going through that stage. I am trying not to beat myself up, just can't help it right now.
Mary Oak Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 The night before my ex left, we were hanging out with a friend that had just had a recent break up. My ex told her that no matter what WE would always have each other, and we were lucky to have that committment. Twelve hours later, she was leaving....never looked back. 2
Strength in Healing Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I saw the topic title, this is what I saw http://www.myremoteradio.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/10/signsgu5.jpg To answer your question though, it's called willful naivety.
Frank2thepoint Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 From my experience, an hour before my ex broke up with me, we were watching our favorite TV show, cuddling and I was massaging his neck. I assumed all was well. We don't see the signs because the majority of our exes never said outright what was bothering them. They mask it with light-hearted phrases that leave us believing things are still okay. The night before my ex left, we were hanging out with a friend that had just had a recent break up. My ex told her that no matter what WE would always have each other, and we were lucky to have that committment. Twelve hours later, she was leaving....never looked back. A question for both STM206 and Mary Oak. Out of curiosity, if you are willing to share, did either of ex's ever explain why they broke up with you?
Zapbasket Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 My ex from three relationships ago in 2007 took my hand, raised his wine glass, and said to me at dinner at a restaurant, "To a beautiful woman I want to be with forever." Three days later he broke up with me, and told me he never wanted to see me again. And we didn't. That breakup impacted me so badly it took me years to heal. I thought I'd healed, but this most recent breakup made evident that I never fully recovered from the one from 2007. As my therapist said, it's not time that "heals all wounds." It's the WORK you do in that time. I didn't do the necessary work to overcome that breakup, even though at the time I thought I did. 1
Strength in Healing Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 A question for both STM206 and Mary Oak. Out of curiosity, if you are willing to share, did either of ex's ever explain why they broke up with you? Lol they never explain the real reasons they broke up with someone. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Lol they never explain the real reasons they broke up with someone. Yeah, no one wants to seem so heartless to say.. "I no longer want to be with you... I've found someone else I'd rather be with" They want to break to you gently so they feel like the good guy 1
Author jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Lol they never explain the real reasons they broke up with someone. So is it better to get the real reason why they left you or give you some lame excuse thinking it's letting you down easier? I say I'd prefer the truth. Though, I don't know how that would impact my psyche because it never happens! I got the "maybe you're not the one" line.
STM206 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Lol they never explain the real reasons they broke up with someone. Lol, it's always the superficial lines they use. "It's not you, it's me" anyone? 1
Author jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Lol, it's always the superficial lines they use. "It's not you, it's me" anyone? Yeah, I got that one too. A little different since she said "Maybe it's me!" Suuuuure.
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Lol, it's always the superficial lines they use. "It's not you, it's me" anyone? Yeah, I got that one too. A little different since she said "Maybe it's me!" Suuuuure. Line 1: it's not you, it's me Caution: no one ever buys those 5 words Five words. That’s what it takes to end a relationship, beat someone while they're down and break a heart forever. Five words that are all you need to be left speechless, with tears running down your face although in your partner's opinion they make it easier for you to accept the breakup. Five words that tell you something while delivering a whole other message. Even Wikipedia couldn’t understand what the sentence meant. I checked online dictionaries for an interpretation for this number 1 famous break up line and Urban Dictionary was the only one that could relate to how I felt. It's not you; it's me apparently means (according to Urban Dictionary.com): 1. I no longer find you attractive, but I can't say that because then I'll feel guilty 2. A great excuse for breaking up with someone while trying not to hurt their feelings. Famously used by George in Seinfeld, he got upset when he found out someone used his line and claims he invented it. 3. The reason one gives when terminating a relationship with someone who turns out to be repulsive and/or mind-numbingly boring. 4. Female slang for: It is you. What I just want to know, who came up with this line? Who on Earth thought that this line would actually cushion the blow? To some people, this is the blow. If it really isn’t me and if it really is you then why did we get together in the first place? Why did we go through the emotional anguish and struggle all these years for you just to end it with this half-ass reason? I mean guys come on there must be something else behind that sentence that wants to get out , but your ego just keeps hiding it so you wouldn’t lose face . Why is this sentence so offensive although it doesn’t carry any explicit words? Why is this sentence one of the few, we dread the most? Why does this sentence make more sense the other way around, being it's not me, it's you?! So many questions that were left un-answered just because someone thought 'it would make things easier'. Well NEWSFLASH bro, we don’t buy it anymore. Breaking up isn’t an easy process and sure isn’t fun so stop it with the word games and get to the point, we're not on some game show! People who think that this sentence makes it easier to break up, they're just wrong. In fact it makes it harder to let go of someone you love deeply when you don’t know why you're letting go. No one ever thought that five simple words like these could leave you scarred and baffled for quite some time trying to figure out what you've done wrong or what you could’ve done differently to stop this from happening. Exes are hard to forget and even harder to get over when you don’t have a reason to leave them in your past. Next time you wanna break up with your partner try using an honest, valid reason for the break up (I cheated on you twice , I hate your mum or your best friend is way hotter than you'll ever be) , and if you were to use the 'it's not you, it's me' line, then try to add something that your partner will hate you for, for example: 'its not you, its me, I have Herpes' or 'its not you, its me, I don’t like you anymore'. Source: Break-up lines deciphered: it's not you, it's me | MSN Arabia 1
Zapbasket Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) With my 2007 breakup (a relationship of 5 years) Instead of, "It's not you, it's me," I got, "All this time I thought it was me. And then I realized it was YOU!" With this most recent breakup, I got such original gems as: "I need to focus on myself." "We both deserve to be happy." "I can't give you what you want." I mean, Jeez, if you're going to break up with someone over email, at least check to be sure you're not chock full of breakup cliches! That's a good clue you're writing an incredibly lame, hurtful email and should just resort to meeting in person, which you should do anyway, but at least that letter won't, I dunno, find its way into a book one day. Edited May 14, 2014 by GreenCove 2
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 full of breakup cliches! I think when these "lines" are used it means there is another reason that they just don't want to say tbh.
Author jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Haha. Good stuff Fred. It's just so cowardly.
Zapbasket Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Yeah, like, "I'm really scared and I don't know how to deal and I feel very inadequate so I'm just going to run away but also throw out some blame so that you'll feel it's YOUR fault, and then I can live in my little cave of denial and convince myself it's the truth and I don't need to examine myself or try." Because if he said that, then his full a*sholery would be splayed out in the open for all to see. 2
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