Pablo1 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I used to have a strong friendship with a girl who used to really enjoy my company. She used to say I was very special to her, always make her smile, and we'd always talk and laugh together, and suddenly she said she couldn't make it serious and therefore not turn it into a relationship. I feel like I may have pressured her into it but I was just trying to go forward with everything. It feels odd, because I don't get to see her face to face, and the friendship was great. A month later, I message her in a friendly way, asking how she is, she ignored me both times. Now, we both have important exams currently. I really just want to be friends, I'm still hurt by her actions, should I tell her this? I don't want to sound needy but we were such good friends. I am older than her so I feel like I should try & solve it, even though she rejected me, but I don't want to intimidate her. The issue was that she didn't make it clear what she wanted, & I'm hurt by her ignoring me. She's played with my mind, and I'm not sure what my next step should be. She lives a bit of a distance away, but why this outcome? If I'm honest, I'm a nice guy, and she appears to be a nice girl but pretty mixed up & quite immature. For example, as she's young, she seems to have a few personalities. I was helping her & I feel like I pressured into it, and I regret it, but I was trying to move things forward. I'm still hurt because although I had a little bit of romantic feelings for her, I thought she did, so I was trying to move forward, and now it has lead into an awkward silence between us two, because she ignored my friendly message months after. Why would she do this? Does she feel awkward? I want to keep my friendship with her, I don't have romantic feelings for her anymore.
ja123 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 It really hurts when something you thought existed, doesn't, or doesn't anymore. She sounds really young and as she has issues, she's probably feeling the need to learn more about herself. It's hard to say exactly why she doesn't want anymore contact with you ... perhaps she felt pushed ... who knows? I think you will need to accept and respect her decision not to be a part of your life. If you need closure, then you could always contact her again to ask why she doesn't want to be your friend anymore, but don't expect an answer. I get the feeling she has too much to deal with in her own life to be concerned about yours. Having to think of you might stress her out. It takes time, but No Contact (NC) can actually be helpful to your getting over her.
Author Pablo1 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 It really hurts when something you thought existed, doesn't, or doesn't anymore. She sounds really young and as she has issues, she's probably feeling the need to learn more about herself. It's hard to say exactly why she doesn't want anymore contact with you ... perhaps she felt pushed ... who knows? I think you will need to accept and respect her decision not to be a part of your life. If you need closure, then you could always contact her again to ask why she doesn't want to be your friend anymore, but don't expect an answer. I get the feeling she has too much to deal with in her own life to be concerned about yours. Having to think of you might stress her out. It takes time, but No Contact (NC) can actually be helpful to your getting over her. I just don't understand what is going on, I don't want to harass her, but this is completely unfair. The outcome affected me for weeks and weeks. I will most likely ask her again after exam period, which is just shy of a month away. I would like to explain to her that she shouldn't feel stressed about it, I want to be friends if you'd like to, and can we talk again. She's a confusing girl
Quiet Storm Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 If she thought you were a genuine friend and did not see you in a romantic way, it probably scared her that you wanted more. Now she knows that you have an ulterior motive, so it may have ruined the friendship. Now she will think the attention you give her, the laughs and the conversations are just a tactic to "move things forward". And you telling her "I don't have romantic feelings for you anymore", isn't going to work, because it sounds like a lie. There are many men that will pretend to be friends with a girl just to feed off a woman's sexual energy, with the hopes that eventually she will see what a nice guy he is. She may think you are one of those guys. I think you should wait for her to reach out, and be prepared to not hear from her again.
Author Pablo1 Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 If she thought you were a genuine friend and did not see you in a romantic way, it probably scared her that you wanted more. Now she knows that you have an ulterior motive, so it may have ruined the friendship. Now she will think the attention you give her, the laughs and the conversations are just a tactic to "move things forward". And you telling her "I don't have romantic feelings for you anymore", isn't going to work, because it sounds like a lie. There are many men that will pretend to be friends with a girl just to feed off a woman's sexual energy, with the hopes that eventually she will see what a nice guy he is. She may think you are one of those guys. I think you should wait for her to reach out, and be prepared to not hear from her again. The fact is that she used to constantly message me and mention that I was a special person who always made her smile. She just came out with that, and then she would look at me with a great smile, a lot of the time. So, it's pretty confusing, isn't it? i was thinking about talking to her and discussing that I still want a friendship, without romance, as we used to get in so well. She was very misleading
Recommended Posts