stillfiguringitallou Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Long story short I was here at the begining of the year - a break up from a relationship that was over a year long. We were trying to be friends. I was seeing other people - he wasn't but things seemed okay and our friendship seemed to be working out well .... until ... I saw the same guy more than a few times (purely as friends ... just meeting new people) and then he decided he wanted to "date me" again. Not a relationship - just dating - like I was doing with everyone else. As inevitably happens in these circumstances it brought back all the old feelings we had when we first dated and I started backing off a bit. And he started coming on stronger because he wanted to keep me in that loop. One day we sat down and had a long conversation about what we really wanted from each other and decided to shoot for a SC. Shortly after we reconciled I became pregnant. After a bumpy first week we worked through the emotions of that and decided we were going to push forward with our plans together - just with a baby as well. Then at 10 weeks. We found out our baby's heart had stopped beating. Baby was measuring at the proper developmental size etc so it had obviously happened within the last 24 hours. I was heartbroken - he was heartbroken - we couldn't understand how this had happened. He said all the right things. "This will make us stronger" "I'm not going anywhere" "you know you can depend on me" "I want us to try again when we heal 100%" Then 4 days after the procedure ... he decides ... he just wants to be "good friends" again. That he just "isn't ready to put in the work" I of course told him that right then I didn't need him as my friend. Right then what he wanted ... just wasn't and couldn't be at the top of my radar - but that I would be around if he needed someone to talk to as always. He proceeded to go on a 30 minute text rant about how I always "my way or the highway" and how somehow - my inability to be "just good friends" with the father of my very recently deceased baby was a sign of my co-dependancy on him and how it didn't have to be that way. After a few days of trying to get to the bottom of what was really going on (even my mother reached out to him following the appointment where they told me when I'd get our test results back - to see how he wanted to handle communicating the results) I gave up and stopped trying to talk to him. Started talking to some other people and moving on with my life. Five days into this I wrote a blurb on an anonymous site he knows I go to to write. Never mentioned anything specific to us except the time frame of our relationship (nearly two years by this point) and somehow - he figured out it was me. And responded .... saying - "all you had to do was take the high road and be patient as was requested of you." And that did it for me. requested of me? I spent nearly two years of our lives patiently doing what was "requested of me" and taking the high road. So my reply was: "When will it be your turn to take the high road" I followed this by an email explaining that it had become glaringly obvious to me in the days following our loss that not only were we at two different places in our lives - but that he lacked the ability to be "just my friend" as was evidenced by our last attempt at doing that. That the attachment he had to what he wanted us to have "someday" prevented him from allowing me the freedom to both be his friend and pursue the kind of relationship I want to have right now. And that it had become obvious he would do whatever it took to prevent that - regardless of the cost to me - even though - by his own admission - he wasn't ready for a real committed relationship. I will admit he has never dated anyone else in the time we have known each other - I just can't keep holding on for a someday that I'm not sure would ever come. And as long as he is dangling that carrot I can't move forward to my today. But He IS my best friend - and lover and confidant and I miss him like crazy. Its day idk - 3 now of NC. It's just hard. 1
NotYourBabyAnymore Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your pregnancy that's really tough. I think it's pretty crappy of him to leave you high and dry after something traumatic like that. I'm on day 3 of my NC with my best friend as well. It is hard It's weird he is stalking places you write, and doesn't date anyone other than you, but can't commit. That would drive me insane. 2
Author stillfiguringitallou Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 yeah - weirder still is this "friendship" he has developed with someone who is supposed to be my "best-friend" even though he supposedly has no intention of talking to me or being friends or anything ever again. Someone he met all of twice - since she moved here just a couple months ago. And claimed to dislike. Whatever. Just sucks. This whole thing just sucks.
Kansas87 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Wow. He told you right away that nothing would change and he would "be there for you" and then did a complete 180 4 days later? 4 days after you lost your baby? I'm sorry, I know nobody has to stay in a relationship if they don't want to, and I wouldn't want someone to stay out of obligation, but seriously....what a douche. 1
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