Swan89 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) Are these signs it was doomed from the start or could it have been worked on? My girlfriend of 4 months recently broke up with me due to conflict issues. I'm warm, caring, sensitive and open. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I'd describe her as honest, mellow, blunt and quite emotionally closed off, she always got straight to the point. She suffers from mild depression too. We enjoyed spending time together but I always had a sense that we didn't really 'get' each other. Our wires crossed frequently and communication seemed to be an issue. I'd feel somewhat hurt because she never really smiled when we met up or hugged me. She seemed cheerless a lot of the time. I found myself feeling overly annoyed about little things and checking through her mobile phone even though she gave me no reason for suspicion. Although there was romance and care, I never felt completely comfortable around her and like I could have a laugh because I found her hard to read. She never did anything wrong as such, I guess I felt inferior and effeminate around her. I treated her with generosity, respect and love, she was really in love with me in the first 2 months. But she eventually stated that she fell out of love with me and accused me of childish behaviour. Our relationship started going downhill when I picked fights with her over small, insignificant things; I created unnessecary drama. Although I tried to fix it and realised I was in the wrong, she eventually lost interest, wanted space and called it off- despite my best efforts. I don't know why I did it, it doesn't make sense to me. We had a few things in common, we liked very similar music and art. There was a lot of lust, physical attraction and sexual chemistry between us. We generally enjoyed spending time together and I loved that she was laid back and honest. She's now shown a really unforgiving, bitchy side to her. Now she wants nothing to do with me due to the drama, she doesn't like drama, but I tend to make a fuss of things when I'm worried, angry or upset... Did I have reason to feel insecure or am I really just a fool who looks for problems? What are your opinions? Edited May 14, 2014 by Swan89 1
TylerDurdenn Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 You pretty much abused her - why the hell would she want to be with you? 1
SomeHeart Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 As a rule I genuinely believe that any relationship that can't survive the 6 month mark probably wasn't right to begin with. You shouldn't blame or question yourself on this one it does just sound like a classic case of you two just not being right for each other. I used to check my ex's phone constantly because she made me feel insecure. I didn't necessarily think she was cheating on me but I knew that if we had a disagreement shed broadcast it on twitter and such like which made me feel like c*ap and I'd want to check to see what was being said about me. There are different reasons for wanting to check. Causing a bit of drama was probably a cry for attention that you weren't getting from her which she clearly didn't want to give. Sadly external beauty isn't always reflected on the inside as much as we'd like it to be and someone who's 'cheerless' most of the time , 'emotionally closed off' and completely writes you off when you've made one mistake when you've tried to put it right certainly aren't traits you want or need in a life long partner.
headinthecloud Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 You pretty much abused her - why the hell would she want to be with you? Inaccurate and unnecessarily judgmental comment, Tyler. OP, Im sorry this happened to you. You clearly we're into her more than she was into you. In essence, she was spineless and deceitful. Likely a bit of a narcissist too as she seeks validation from others constantly, hence her twitter rants. She treated you with tremendous disrespect that wasn't warranted. It happened to me too. I've been there. Falling in love with a narcissist is traumatic because they essential create an unhealthy environment by not communicating but they don't have the courage to let you go because they use people for their own means. When I asked my ex what he loved about me he said, "because you love me a lot". Very telling. Run and never look back. Focus all those thoughts on you and healing. You deserve someone who loves you as much as you love them. She's out there, and she's looking for you too. Be strong. 1
SomeHeart Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 @Headinthecloud - Thank you for your insight , you are absolutely right in all you say. Im sorry to hear about what you've gone through , like myself Im sure that you are now well equipped to avoid this kind of unhealthy relationship in the future. -Never allow anyone to make you feel 'unworthy' of them. There's no real mention of any happy times or anything tangible worth fighthing for. Apart from her being beautiful you dont seem to have much else positive to say about her or indeed the relationship. Take the great advice of @Headinthecloud and dont look back. There's lots of happiness out there to be discovered.
TylerDurdenn Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Inaccurate and unnecessarily judgmental comment, Tyler. Inaccuracy? Are you for real? You wouldn't class looking at a partners phone without them knowing and starting arguments over nothing abuse? Please state your definition of abuse..
KaliLove Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) Inaccuracy? Are you for real? You wouldn't class looking at a partners phone without them knowing and starting arguments over nothing abuse? Please state your definition of abuse.. I'd call it inappropriate, immature, and insecure, but I wouldn't call it abuse. Not every stupid thing a person does in a relationship is abuse. You're minimizing true abuse victims. True abuse is beating someone down physically or emotionally..not checking their phone or picking fights. Have you ever picked a fight with someone? Does that make you abusive too? Edited May 16, 2014 by KaliLove
STM206 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I'd call it inappropriate, immature, and insecure, but I wouldn't call it abuse. Not every stupid thing a person does in a relationship is abuse. You're minimizing true abuse victims. True abuse is beating someone down physically or emotionally..not checking their phone or picking fights. Have you ever picked a fight with someone? Does that make you abusive too? I have to agree. I think most people at one point or another deal with insecurity in a relationship. It just comes down to how you communicate it.
FredJones80 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 It just comes down to how you communicate it. or not :lmao:
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