Are these signs it was doomed from the start or could it have been worked on?

[Swan89]

My girlfriend of 4 months recently broke up with me due to conflict issues.

I'm warm, caring, sensitive and open. She is the most beautiful girl I've ever seen. I'd describe her as honest, mellow, blunt and quite emotionally closed off. She suffers from mild depression too.

 

We enjoyed spending time together but I always had a sense that we didn't really 'get' each other. Our wires crossed frequently and communication seemed to be an issue. I found myself feeling overly annoyed about little things and checking through her mobile phone even though she gave me no reason for suspicion. Although there was romance and care, I never felt completely comfortable around her and like I could have a laugh because I found her hard to read. She never did anything wrong as such, I guess I felt inferior and effeminate around her.

 

I treated her with generosity, respect and love, she was really in love with me in the first 2 months. But she eventually stated that she fell out of love with me and accused me of childish behaviour.

Our relationship started going downhill when I picked fights with her over small, insignificant things; I created unnessecary drama. Although I tried to fix it and realised I was in the wrong, she eventually lost interest, wanted space and called it off- despite my best efforts.

I don't know why I did it, it doesn't make sense to me.

 

We had a few things in common, we liked very similar music and art. There was a lot of lust, physical attraction and sexual chemistry between us. We generally enjoyed spending time together and I loved that she was laid back and honest.

 

She's now shown a really unforgiving, bitchy side to her. Now she wants nothing to do with me due to the drama, she doesn't like drama, but I tend to make a fuss of things when I'm worried, angry or upset... Did I have reason to feel insecure or am I really just a fool who looks for problems? What are your opinions?

Edited May 14, 2014 by Swan89

[d0nnivain]

You two are fundamentally incompatible.

 

You need more attention than she can give & you lash out when you don't get it.

 

She's more introverted & needs more space than you are comfortable giving.

 

You never trusted her. That's why you looked through her phone. When you found nothing that should have reassured you but you kept picking.

 

Let this be & find somebody who is more like you.

[hudson701]

I liked this post as it is almost identical to the situation I've just been through, especially the part about 'creating drama'. We're incompatible but I still want her back, not that it will ever happen now as I killed all second chances. I was looking for problems when things were going so well- I sabotaged my own happiness- as have you.

[Rig88]

It seems like this relationship has really knocked your self esteem. In my experience if you need to question whether or not something was doomed from the start then it probably was. The warning signs were probably always there but due to being side tracked by the way she looked , you probably chose to ignore them. (It happens) From what you've said here , it seems like you did try your best to make things work but it was probably a fruitless operation from day 1 due to you guys not being compatible. You seem like an emotional guy who wears his heart on his sleeve and she sounds like a bit of an ice queen who expected you to do all of the chasing and the hard work to repair a relationship when there were clearly faults on both sides. I'm quite an overly sensitive guy and being with a cold woman is absolutely disastrous to your self confidence, it leaves you questioning yourself constantly. I've been in a very similar relationship and ended up so miserable. She clearly knew that giving you that extra bit of reassurance and being a bit warmer towards you would have made you happy but she clearly chose not to and wanted space. Also to end things so quickly , over something which really doesn't sound that bad and not to want to bother with you now- her heart clearly wasn't in it and you're probably much better off without. A warm hearted woman who allows you to be totally yourself and loves you for it is the way forward! There really is no greater feeling! Good luck!

[Always Pondering]

I'll tell you one thing's for sure. Your consistent checking into her phone was like a ticking bomb for your relationship.

 

I was in that position once in my life and I'll tell you that this kind of behavior was basically the same as drinking acid for me. The lack of trust slowly destroyed the relationship and now that I think back on it, I was very ridiculous making those accusations and not trusting her. I did find something once or twice at certain points but I was looking for trouble anyways, probably would not have happened if I trusted her.

 

I'd work on these trust issues with yourself and anything else that was a problem (you mentioned communication) and find someone else. Take this short relationship as a learning experience and do what you need to do to make sure these problems don't come up again in your next.