RideZiLightning Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Together for 4 rough years, I was the one making it rough. She met a guy in Hawaii, came home, dumped me and starts sexting, pictures and all that garbage within a week Guy lives in California We have a daughter who is almost 2, so I have to see her a few times a week. We still get along. She acts like she wants to spend time with me and chat. We have a moment and make out. A few hours later, she's back to the dirty talk... Mind you, this is all very out of character. Extremely. I am totally devastated. Never seen this side of her. It's like POOF I never happened She says she likes me and she likes him. But, she's ok with losing me as her best friend to continue this texting relationship. He's never moving here. I'm more successful and more attractive in every way Do I try and continue to be friends, because I really do miss her company, or keep it strictly about my daughter? I really would like for us to patch things up and be a family. It means the world to me. I just don't know how to handle things right now. I can feel when I am getting through to her, but once I leave, she forgets how much of a better person I've become over the last year. I don't wanna stay away and have her forget about me, but I'm not sure if it's just giving her both worlds and she needs a chance to miss me
Candy_Pants Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 You want to patch things up, but it's got to work both ways, as you know. My advice is to leave her be. Talk to her only about the child. Stop allowing her to use you. 2
Author RideZiLightning Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Things were going very well before she left to Hawaii. Unfortunately, her family drug up all the bad memories and started putting ideas in her head. The guy she's talking to is apparently the nicest guy on the planet and she started comparing old me, to present him. It's new and exciting I dunno, I just really don't want to live the rest of my life tied to her this way, when I really wanted to spend it with her
Candy_Pants Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Things were going very well before she left to Hawaii. Unfortunately, her family drug up all the bad memories and started putting ideas in her head. The guy she's talking to is apparently the nicest guy on the planet and she started comparing old me, to present him. It's new and exciting. Be careful with this line of thinking. She's capable of forming her own thoughts and ideas. Stating otherwise means you don't believe that. Many people compare past/present lovers. It's fairly common. I dunno, I just really don't want to live the rest of my life tied to her this way, when I really wanted to spend it with her I'm not following...when you have a child with someone you ARE tied to them for life. But, you don't have to makeout with her...... 1
d0nnivain Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 NC doesn't work with a kid. For now you make it all about your relationship with your daughter.
Author RideZiLightning Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 I just don't understand why us having a healthy relationship, not together, isn't important to her. Just so we can get along well for our daughter She knows it isn't the best idea to jump right into something else, and she knows it's really killing me and is going to make things difficult. Why can't they just have down time to heal? Why is it worth ruining our remaining friendship, just so she can text a guy she'll never be with? Freedom? Is it just liberating after being in a long relationship that had major downs, no matter how far back they were
Simon Phoenix Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Focus on your relationship with your kid, not the one that ended with your ex. It's your job to be a good father, not beg for table scraps from the mother. You can't do No Contact, but you should not be discussing anything other than the child. 1
Author RideZiLightning Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 I'll do my best. It's not the best trait but usually I think quite highly of myself. My confidence is in the toilet now. Sucks.
Author RideZiLightning Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Talked with her tonight Some things you just can't come back from. This should have happened a while ago, you can only force it so long Time to move and use this as opportunity to have a better and more honest relationship with her and my daughter. Even if we are apart there are still a lot of good memories to be made. She isn't heartless, she's just been beaten down for so long. She needs to feel loved right now and she can't get that feeling from me
Simon Phoenix Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Talked with her tonight Some things you just can't come back from. This should have happened a while ago, you can only force it so long Time to move and use this as opportunity to have a better and more honest relationship with her and my daughter. Even if we are apart there are still a lot of good memories to be made. She isn't heartless, she's just been beaten down for so long. She needs to feel loved right now and she can't get that feeling from me Concentrate on the daughter. Forget about the ex. Be cordial and polite for the kid's sake, but it's more important to be a father to the kid than to suck around the ex.
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