saltyfishhead666 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 My ex contacted me this morning via sms after 1.5 months NC. She apologised for writing but said she wanted to know whether I am “healthy and fine”. Just before our BU, in fact, we both contracted a small STD, which I immediately cured, while she waited for a while and got worse. She wrote to me that she had to undergo an operation yesterday, and that she is a bit worried about me. I know this is a breadcrumb, I do not know whether to answer and if yes how. I do not want to give the impression that I do not care about her health, but it annoys me that as usual she is only interested in my physical health (which is fine) and wants to avoid confronting my emotional state (I guess for the ensuing sense of guilt this would give her). She is a total conflict-avoider, and I still suffer a lot for what she did to me. How would you react to her message? Delete it and block her. She doesn't care about you, all it sounds like is she wants some sympathy for her "op" Although I do wonder how you both managed to get this STD???
Elle1975 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Delete it and block her. She doesn't care about you, all it sounds like is she wants some sympathy for her "op" Although I do wonder how you both managed to get this STD??? Not an STD, he clarified afterward. We were all wondering too
Author Brutus Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Ok guys, it was not really my intention to initiate a thread on infections. So let's leave it. I decided that it would seem quite immature not to answer in such circumstances, so have answered several hours later saying just politely that i am sorry that she is unwell and hope she gets better soon. No reference about how I feel. You are right, she does not really care. Or better, she cares only about my physical health, since she probably considers it as "more important" than mental one. A view which I do not share, hence I would not say I am well, because I am not. And yes, she is a conflict avoider. I will post further on this. I am understanding many things in the last days about the reasons of our breakup, mainly about her incapacity/unwillingness to address problems in an adult and open way and how this spiralled into the failure of our relationship.
KaliLove Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Ok guys, it was not really my intention to initiate a thread on infections. So let's leave it. I decided that it would seem quite immature not to answer in such circumstances, so have answered several hours later saying just politely that i am sorry that she is unwell and hope she gets better soon. No reference about how I feel. You are right, she does not really care. Or better, she cares only about my physical health, since she probably considers it as "more important" than mental one. A view which I do not share, hence I would not say I am well, because I am not. And yes, she is a conflict avoider. I will post further on this. I am understanding many things in the last days about the reasons of our breakup, mainly about her incapacity/unwillingness to address problems in an adult and open way and how this spiralled into the failure of our relationship. Why are you worried about looking immature to someone who dumped you? 1
veggirl Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 There was no reason to reply. Obviously she knows you aren't dead from the infection she gave you. All you should've said was "I'm fine" (since you HAD to reply). Wishing her well and sh*t....oy. (why do people ask for advice, and then when EVERY SINGLE POSTER is in agreement that X is a bad idea...they go and do X? why even ask if you know what you're gonna do anyway?)
Author Brutus Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Why are you worried about looking immature to someone who dumped you? Out of self-respect, I would say.
Author Brutus Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 There was no reason to reply. Obviously she knows you aren't dead from the infection she gave you. All you should've said was "I'm fine" (since you HAD to reply). Wishing her well and sh*t....oy. (why do people ask for advice, and then when EVERY SINGLE POSTER is in agreement that X is a bad idea...they go and do X? why even ask if you know what you're gonna do anyway?) Well, I listen to everybody but then I decide. As I said I did not answer her question about how I am, she does not need to know it and anyway she only wanted to know about my physical health. This makes me angry, as she seems to believe that if something doesnt bleed then you're fine. Like all dumpers, she hates to be reminded how much she made me suffer, and prefers to avoid the sense of guilt. I did not want to give her the pleasure of telling "i am fine" (which I am not), but also did not want to ignore the fact that she is in physical pain. After all, this is a person who used to occupy a big piece of my heart. Right? Wrong? Doesn't really matter, it did not change anything anyway.
mangetout Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) There was no reason to reply. Obviously she knows you aren't dead from the infection she gave you. All you should've said was "I'm fine" (since you HAD to reply). Wishing her well and sh*t....oy. (why do people ask for advice, and then when EVERY SINGLE POSTER is in agreement that X is a bad idea...they go and do X? why even ask if you know what you're gonna do anyway?) I doubt the OP wanted advice. He wanted opinions to make a decision for himself. Whats wrong with that. None of us should play God here. We are all different and we can only give a biased opinion based from our personal situations. It doesn't mean it fits the OP's situation. My two cents here. Peace Edited May 16, 2014 by mangetout 1
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