Brutus Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 My ex contacted me this morning via sms after 1.5 months NC. She apologised for writing but said she wanted to know whether I am “healthy and fine”. Just before our BU, in fact, we both contracted a small STD, which I immediately cured, while she waited for a while and got worse. She wrote to me that she had to undergo an operation yesterday, and that she is a bit worried about me. I know this is a breadcrumb, I do not know whether to answer and if yes how. I do not want to give the impression that I do not care about her health, but it annoys me that as usual she is only interested in my physical health (which is fine) and wants to avoid confronting my emotional state (I guess for the ensuing sense of guilt this would give her). She is a total conflict-avoider, and I still suffer a lot for what she did to me. How would you react to her message?
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) My ex contacted me this morning via sms after 1.5 months NC. She apologised for writing but said she wanted to know whether I am “healthy and fine”. Just before our BU, in fact, we both contracted a small STD, which I immediately cured, while she waited for a while and got worse. She wrote to me that she had to undergo an operation yesterday, and that she is a bit worried about me. I know this is a breadcrumb, I do not know whether to answer and if yes how. I do not want to give the impression that I do not care about her health, but it annoys me that as usual she is only interested in my physical health (which is fine) and wants to avoid confronting my emotional state (I guess for the ensuing sense of guilt this would give her). She is a total conflict-avoider, and I still suffer a lot for what she did to me. How would you react to her message? I would leave it alone. NC. You said it yourself, you know this is a breadcrumb. If she's writingm she's not dead, it's not life threatening. Major bs breadcrumb indeed. Edited May 14, 2014 by Elle1975 4
Michael 93 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Stay well away my man. do not allow yourself to be sucked in. Already you must feel as though you have a sense of control as she initiated contact with you first. That is not a valid message for you to even consider responding. If you absolutely cannot help but to reply I would give her something like "I'm brilliant thank you, yes feeling very healthy, cheers" That is in the absolute last option....
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Let me tell you also why she is contacting you, because she needs a hug. She just went through this minor operation and she is reaching out to you. And who else would she talk about an std to anyway? Was she here when YOU were in pain? No. So I am sure I'm projecting here but f that, ignore her. 2
Author Brutus Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Actually, I was thinking to answer very minimally without addressing the question, just saying I am sorry and hope she will be better soon. Or opt for some black humour and say “Better a genital infection than a heartbreak”.
Summerrose2013 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Sorry to go off topic, but how did you 'both' contract an STD at the same time....one of you must have passed to the other.... It goes against all of our better side of human nature to ignore people. I'm with Ellie and Michael on this one. If you must respond, be upbeat, and happy.
Author Brutus Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Dont know who passed it to whom, but it doesnt really matter. Be happy? But i am not... and I do not want to ease her guilt by pretending I am fine.
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Sorry to go off topic, but how did you 'both' contract an STD at the same time....one of you must have passed to the other.... Ha, that was my first thought, someone got it from someone else and passed it on to their partner, awful
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Ha, that was my first thought, someone got it from someone else and passed it on to their partner, awful Well, some people think a yeast infection is an STD.. could be that she left it untreated, and then it can go bad. Might be that. I was wondering too though.
barky2 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 So she wants to know how your "green discharge is"? Lol kidding aside, she gave it to you from someone else. And she's carrying around guilt for it. You're response should be" you gave me a std leave me alone" I mean she could've got it from a toilet seat, but still. Barky
KaliLove Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Did one of you cheat? And are you doing ok now? We don't need details, but you're good, right? Also..what in the world is a small STD? I know you mean one that's curable and not major, but that wording made me laugh. I agree with everyone..leave it alone.
Author Brutus Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 easy, easy, perhaps i used the wrong terminology, it was just a mycosis and i am fine (and perhaps it was me, since i had it once before). Back on topic, I was thinking just to answer that i am sorry about her situation but not say anything about me. I am "healthy", but not "fine", so why lying?
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I mean she could've got it from a toilet seat, but still. That old chestnut 3
Summerrose2013 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Ok, what outcome are you looking for here?? If you want to make her feel guilty (and avoid you for another few months, becasue she already knows you're sad right, and this is what she has done) then by all means, tell her you feel awful and don't expect to hear from her again. BUT I have found out that in these situations the best thing to do is exactly the OPPOSITE of what you feel like doing. If you want to open up contact 'be friends' (and please tell me you have read the NC Thread to take this as it is intended) then tell her you are FINE and HAPPY. What are her intentions do you think? Do you think she is checking her phone every five minutes for a reply. And let me tell you, if you do reply and you never hear back from her again you wil be back to DAY ONE and be crushed. Texts are a bit like a car MOT - only valid on the day of issue. Today they love you madly and care, tomorow you are thrown out with the trash.
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Tell her yours went worse and they had to amputate 8
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 easy, easy, perhaps i used the wrong terminology, it was just a mycosis and i am fine (and perhaps it was me, since i had it once before). Back on topic, I was thinking just to answer that i am sorry about her situation but not say anything about me. I am "healthy", but not "fine", so why lying? Ok so it's a yeast infection that was left untreated. Not sure how anyone could do that. It itches like a B! One of the many ways to get one is to be on antibiotics, use a soap that changes your Ph down there, before a period, not drying the area well enough, etc.. and to the guys here, I'll say this.. it's just like getting ready to have diner.. WASH your hands! That being said, I still wouldn't answer.
KaliLove Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Ok so it's a yeast infection that was left untreated. Not sure how anyone could do that. It itches like a B! One of the many ways to get one is to be on antibiotics, use a soap that changes your Ph down there, before a period, not drying the area well enough, etc.. and to the guys here, I'll say this.. it's just like getting ready to have diner.. WASH your hands! That being said, I still wouldn't answer. Ahhhh holy grossness Batman!!! I feel like running away from this thread with my hands over my eyes. Lol Yeah, what are you hoping to accomplish by answering her OP? No sarcasm..that's a real question. 3
deathandtaxes Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Reply as you wish. Be honest. Be polite. Be curt. Good job on the 1.5 months NC, btw.
barky2 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Uh no don't reply. There's simply no freaking need to. It won't solve anything and you won't get what you want I promise. Barky
No Limit Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Buy a whole bunch of phones and every time she or anyone else throws breadcrumbs into your face you smash the phone against a wall and then just take the next one you have. T'is would probably be the best way to keep NC running for most people. 2
KaliLove Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Buy a whole bunch of phones and every time she or anyone else throws breadcrumbs into your face you smash the phone against a wall and then just take the next one you have. T'is would probably be the best way to keep NC running for most people. Well that's just a waste of money!! What about carving a phone out of soap, coloring it in with a marker, and smashing that against a wall instead?
IrishEyez Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I think if you say anything at all make it upbeat and positive. My experience thus far [which is limited - into week 4 of a horrendous breakup] is that IF she avoids conflict as you say, she will take any negativity about your well being health OR emotional as a conflict in itself and shut back down. I think after 6 weeks you can respond if you are so inclined - but make sure its upbeat and positive - anything else will just be a waste of time and back on the carousel you shall go. Just my 2 cents worth
Elle1975 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I think if you say anything at all make it upbeat and positive. My experience thus far [which is limited - into week 4 of a horrendous breakup] is that IF she avoids conflict as you say, she will take any negativity about your well being health OR emotional as a conflict in itself and shut back down. I think after 6 weeks you can respond if you are so inclined - but make sure its upbeat and positive - anything else will just be a waste of time and back on the carousel you shall go. Just my 2 cents worth Avoiding conflicts is so bad... It gets bottled up, resentment builds up, and blows up in people's faces at one point or another. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 This is not a serious breadcrumb at all. Ignore it -- there's no reason whatsoever to respond to this. 4
No Limit Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Well that's just a waste of money!! What about carving a phone out of soap, coloring it in with a marker, and smashing that against a wall instead? Because as soon as he'd return to his real phone he'd see the message again. The amount of soap required to smash at walls would probably sink into the groundwater and then his bill will become much bigger than a few cheap phones.
Recommended Posts