Too stressed and need someone to talk to [update]

[namastemeow]

So i have been dating this boy for almost six year now. We met on internet on 2008, we had soooo much ups and downs and fortunately have everything worked out. We broke up and made up because we never met. Two years ago we finally see each other. He took holiday and visit my country for two weeks. We were so happy, but deep down i know that there is something i need to fix in him. Since most of the time he is the one who keep wanting to give up and not prioritize this relationship. But i keep taking him back because i have this hope in me that believing everything will be just fine. After two weeks of meeting and spending time together he decided to extend the stay for six months, he said he still want to be with me. I kept asking if he is sure about it he said he is sure. He had to call his boss and quit the job and tell his family. I know it is a bold move but i dont know why i was scared.

 

Then we tried spending time together we were so happy. But theres his behavior that never changed eventhough we already talk about it. He cannot prioritize our relationship. We made plan to look for jobs so he can make money while he is here in my country, to do that i have to push him, its always feel like i am the mom and he is my son. I have to use my savings for us to go to another country and go back so he can live in my country legally. I got mad at him easily when he act like a kid, for example like wanting to buy one thing so much he forgot that we have to save money. Stuff like he never serious enough for our relationship. After almost 6 months of looking for a job he finally got one. But still he is showing like teenager behavio.

 

BEcause of that i keep getting mad at him. And mentioning that 'maybe' i should give up. Because i keep giving him tolerance, even before we met, but he never understand that i have feelings too. It took him four years to save money and i kept waiting. While hes saving theres some times that he told me he accidentally use the money for stuff like new phone and laptop or anything else. I got hurt but i tried to tolerate. He also not showing that he wanted to get to know my family.

 

Well, from that we keep fighting, we keep having arguments, everytime i said he needs to change for his own good, at first he said he will try, but then it happened again, we fought again, and finally he said he cant change to be better. I tried to be ok with that, we made plans about how our wedding going to be, we have to save money. We have to decide either to visit his family first or getting married firs because he said his family doesnt care. At first he kept saying he want to get married soon. But then his behavior kept showing that he is not sure about us. I tried to talk he kept avoiding the talk. But i keep trying to show that i care. I cook for him, i help him with anything i can and stuff.

 

And then finally last month, he said he wanted to go on vacation with people from his work. I tried to contact him but he didnt reply that much, next day he suddenly act different. He ask for breakup. He said he cheated on other girl he met randomly in that city. I broke down i cried he cried we talked, and i finally took him back.

 

After that, we decide to try to be happy, but i cant lie to myself that i still cannot do what i always do, like giving him kisses and stuff. Not yet. He was ok with that, we talk about us. He talked to my mom about me visiting his hometown. My mom said yes, its like he was so sure that we will work this out. So i moved all my stuff from home to his apartment, so that we can save money faster. Then we made plans we got really excited about everything. We decided to try to get visa for me to visit his hometown because his family wants to see me. He also still want the affection from me the one i usually gave, but i kept saying i still cant give him that because he just cheated. The next day when i got home from work he act cold. Then i tried to talk, he keep said he cant be in relationship if i dont want to be intimate with him.

 

I got mad, beacause the reason im like this because he cheated. After an argument, he said he would rather be just friends with me. It hurts a lot, so i said why did he say this after i moved all of my stuff from my house to his apartment. He cannot reply, he keep wanting to be just friend but did not want to look at me when he said it. He said he want me to be happy and he hurt me too much. Then i said i couldnt live together with him anymore because it hurts me, the problem is he doesnt want me to leave his life. I am still staying in his apartment and we sleep in diferent room. it hurts me a lot to be in this situation, i want to move on but i am afraid something bad happen to him while he stil here. i dont know what to dooooo. he doesnt want me to go too...

[Strength in Healing]

Hello, and sorry to hear that this is happening.

 

What country are you guys in?

 

It isn't your fault. He cheated. I don't blame you for not being able to be there for him physically. I wouldn't have been able to be with a girl physically who did that, either.

 

Stay strong. Move out as fast as you can. You can't save him, so if something bad happens to him when you move out, then it isn't your fault.

[namastemeow]

Hello, and sorry to hear that this is happening.

 

What country are you guys in?

 

It isn't your fault. He cheated. I don't blame you for not being able to be there for him physically. I wouldn't have been able to be with a girl physically who did that, either.

 

Stay strong. Move out as fast as you can. You can't save him, so if something bad happens to him when you move out, then it isn't your fault.

 

Hello, thanks.

Yes, he cheated even though he doesn't contact that girl anymore i still cannot do the things i usually do with him. I just need time.

We are in Indonesia and he is from America.

Months ago before he cheated he kept telling me that he is homesick and i asked him to go back maybe for a few weeks. Everytime i said that he think i dont want him anymore while i just want him to meet his family and friends.

Today he told me he is going to buy ticket for him to go back home. Since we are having this ****ed up situation i assume that he will buy one way ticket and not coming back. So i asked him just to make sure, but he said he is going to buy round ticket which means he has the intention to get back here.

I do know i have to move out but if i move out my family will find out that there is something wrong and i dont want to make them hate him.

And i know my parents will be really upset since they have always treat him as their own son.

 

I am really confused of what is in his mind.

[namastemeow]

And today he just text me when i am at work asked me to move out. He said he wont go back to apartment until i leave. I dont understand i feel so rejected after all this time i took him back. Now he is treating me like this. and did it by text message. he said he would want me back if we meet. I dont get it. I was so close to go to America and see his family and friends. But in less than a week everything changed...

This sucks so much.

[namastemeow]

I dont know what to do anymore. After 6 years, everything just end up like this. Like all of those time has no value. I even took him back after he cheated. HUGE part of me is going away and i dont know how to handle that. I just need someone to talk to someone who can cheer me up right now. I cant think anymore everything just lead me to our memories.

[ayala]

You'll get through it.

 

Stay strong and stand tall. You'll find someone who will treat you right with respect and loyalty.

 

The memories are just that. They're memories. They're in the past. I suggest looking into the future. There are so many possibilities and experiences to look forward to. You're no longer tied to an unfaithful partner. You're free to find new things and to build new friendships/relationships.

 

Everyone has something in the past that's traumatic. It's okay. It shapes you. You'll grow strong enough where it won't hurt you anymore.

 

Vent as much as you want. Write it on paper. Type it up. Whatever you'd like.

[Michael 93]

You have experienced the pain. Know that you are normal and you are human and not made of tin. You have experienced these feelings and we are all told we will be able to experience them again. I have not yet experienced this.

 

 

But as long as you make effort to work hard, stay strong and improve your life I'm positive good things will come.

 

Work hard in your job, make time for your friends and to build relationships with family and colleagues. Be a good person and show your Ex what they are missing out on.

 

We are all going through this.

 

You are not alone...

[d0nnivain]

Even though 6 years is a long time, it wasn't a waste. You learned things about yourself.

 

You also did whatever you could to make it work, including trying to forgive his cheating. The fact that it did not work is not solely your fault. You can't keep somebody in a relationship with you who doesn't want to be there.

 

This ending is opening a new chapter for you.

[dontgiveuponme]

Your not alone big hugs to you.One day we will be ok again and become stronger.

[EverLastluv]

And today he just text me when i am at work asked me to move out. He said he wont go back to apartment until i leave. I dont understand i feel so rejected after all this time i took him back. Now he is treating me like this. and did it by text message. he said he would want me back if we meet. I dont get it. I was so close to go to America and see his family and friends. But in less than a week everything changed...

This sucks so much.

 

This sound like someone I knew before. You have to realize that he has a sickness (mentally). First of all he has no feelings what so ever for you to speak to you that way. You just got caught up with a physco from a different country, you better run while you can. Cut the losses forget he is there and go back to being your self because all he wouled do is bring you down and use you for what you have until you cant supply him anymore he will surley vanished. Get out pelase go home back and explain to your parents he is a bad bad bad person. let them see who he really is or he will distroy you and your family.

[this2shallpass]

I can relate to soo much in everything there, the essentials, is what I have been dealing with. It is pure hell when you are in the relationship and things are bad, but its sooo good when its good. To me at least it was VERY HOT when it was hot and VERY COLD when it was cold...but you cant let go of him, cause you have this hope and ideas of what it CAN be. The worst thing I have found out, is being with a person who can be cold and act cold. Who can shut off his feelings and block you out. I learned that the HARD way, and thats what I am going through now.

 

I would say to you, run..but I also know, that I should have said that to myself a loong time ago, and I did at times, but I didnt DO it, and now I am sitting here hurt, betrayed and treated like i am NOTHING to the man I gave my heart to.

 

I found out myself, that I need to learn that when people SHOW you who they are, believe them the FIRST time. Thats what i didnt do, and you didn't either i felt, by what you wrote. Why must I be shown 34 times before i can GET who they really are. And in this case him, cause he did show it to me, but i didnt "believe" him, I shouldn't have waited until the 134th time, look where it got me.. Hurt, sad and alone. A life lesson I need to learn and live by when it comes to men.

 

I really do get you, just message me if you need to. I feel for you im going through almost same

[namastemeow]

This sound like someone I knew before. You have to realize that he has a sickness (mentally). First of all he has no feelings what so ever for you to speak to you that way. You just got caught up with a physco from a different country, you better run while you can. Cut the losses forget he is there and go back to being your self because all he wouled do is bring you down and use you for what you have until you cant supply him anymore he will surley vanished. Get out pelase go home back and explain to your parents he is a bad bad bad person. let them see who he really is or he will distroy you and your family.

 

it hurts so much that he has to do it all over the text message while few hours earlier we were next to each other talking. Everytime i asked about our relationship, does he want to make it work or not, he keep saying "i dont know" but when im not with him and talk about it over a text he seems so sure about leaving. He said when im mad i keep calling him cowards, well thats true, because when we fight all he did is pretending that nothing happen so everytime we are arguing i felt like i talked to a wall, which made me feel like he is not serious enough. Now he is avoiding me. ughhhh...

[namastemeow]

I can relate to soo much in everything there, the essentials, is what I have been dealing with. It is pure hell when you are in the relationship and things are bad, but its sooo good when its good. To me at least it was VERY HOT when it was hot and VERY COLD when it was cold...but you cant let go of him, cause you have this hope and ideas of what it CAN be. The worst thing I have found out, is being with a person who can be cold and act cold. Who can shut off his feelings and block you out. I learned that the HARD way, and thats what I am going through now.

 

I would say to you, run..but I also know, that I should have said that to myself a loong time ago, and I did at times, but I didnt DO it, and now I am sitting here hurt, betrayed and treated like i am NOTHING to the man I gave my heart to.

 

I found out myself, that I need to learn that when people SHOW you who they are, believe them the FIRST time. Thats what i didnt do, and you didn't either i felt, by what you wrote. Why must I be shown 34 times before i can GET who they really are. And in this case him, cause he did show it to me, but i didnt "believe" him, I shouldn't have waited until the 134th time, look where it got me.. Hurt, sad and alone. A life lesson I need to learn and live by when it comes to men.

 

I really do get you, just message me if you need to. I feel for you im going through almost same

 

 

Yes, you are right, when the relationship is bad it is pure hell. When its good it is really good, but i cant help wondering that is he the one for me because everytime we fought its just, idk it feels like im the one who cares more about fixing it while he just always run until im calm. A part of me really want to stop all of this and just forget about it, other part of me is reallllllyyyy sad about this, the way we fight together to see each other. The way we made plans. i dont know... we even planned to get married this year... but he never focus on the wedding planning..

His friends said maybe i should give him some space and he will re-think about this. but i dont know if its the right thing to do.

[namastemeow]

Your not alone big hugs to you.One day we will be ok again and become stronger.

 

thanks very much. i do hope so too!

[namastemeow]

Even though 6 years is a long time, it wasn't a waste. You learned things about yourself.

 

You also did whatever you could to make it work, including trying to forgive his cheating. The fact that it did not work is not solely your fault. You can't keep somebody in a relationship with you who doesn't want to be there.

 

This ending is opening a new chapter for you.

 

Thanks. I tried everything. I gave him so many chances, i keep thinking about giving up but then i remember what i have been fighting so i keep giving him chances, now he wont even give me even once.

[namastemeow]

You have experienced the pain. Know that you are normal and you are human and not made of tin. You have experienced these feelings and we are all told we will be able to experience them again. I have not yet experienced this.

 

 

But as long as you make effort to work hard, stay strong and improve your life I'm positive good things will come.

 

Work hard in your job, make time for your friends and to build relationships with family and colleagues. Be a good person and show your Ex what they are missing out on.

 

We are all going through this.

 

You are not alone...

 

Thank you so much.

I tried hang out with friends, went somewhere, i forgot everything there, but the next day i felt so alone and i have no one to talk to since i dont have that many friends...

[namastemeow]

You'll get through it.

 

Stay strong and stand tall. You'll find someone who will treat you right with respect and loyalty.

 

The memories are just that. They're memories. They're in the past. I suggest looking into the future. There are so many possibilities and experiences to look forward to. You're no longer tied to an unfaithful partner. You're free to find new things and to build new friendships/relationships.

 

Everyone has something in the past that's traumatic. It's okay. It shapes you. You'll grow strong enough where it won't hurt you anymore.

 

Vent as much as you want. Write it on paper. Type it up. Whatever you'd like.

 

I hope so too. Im feeeling so rejected because of this after all this time i did everything for him.

 

i took him back so many times.. i tried to make him a better person i talk to him about that he keep saying he cannot change and i never took him the way he is.

 

i thought relationship is about improving each other...

[d0nnivain]

Thanks. I tried everything. I gave him so many chances, i keep thinking about giving up but then i remember what i have been fighting so i keep giving him chances, now he wont even give me even once.

 

The fact that you took him back so many times is the reason why in the long run this is better. You were never strong enough to let go & stand on your own 2 feet. Now you have to.

 

All those times he did something to break up the relationship & you took him back should have shown you how dysfunctional the whole thing was.

[EverLastluv]

I made choices in my life because, I LOVE ME! I hate to become a person like the other. So before I let go of my pride and dignity over one person, NEVER ever! You have to believe that there is a GOD and once you have faith "when one door is close another will open".

[namastemeow]

I dont know what to do anymore.

After we broke up i lost part of me. I went back to my parents house, it doesnt feel like home anymore. I lost my self. My life is empty again.

We tried talking about it he kept saying "I cant hurt you anymore, i cheated on you, and im going back to my country"

He stopped talking to that girl actually. I already forgave him. I want to start over.

Before we had some fights about how our future is going to be. And he just couldn't focus. I know it is my fault saying that i couldnt be with him if he cant focus about us. I said he should go back to his country if he cannot focus because moving to my country just put a burden on me. Like i am taking care of someone who wont give me anything in return. It felt like we were in a relationship just for fun not getting serious.

Months passed. Seems like we forgot those stuff but deep down i still thought i need to do something about us. Making him focus because we both want to spend the rest of our life together. I want to move to his country soon. Still he couldnt focus.

 

One day he went to other city for vacation, got back asked for break up. We talked about it he cried i cried it was terrible then i found out he cheated.

few days later we made up. He changed a lot he became sweeter and better. We decided to start buying tickets for us to go to his country and visit his family. But then in the middle of my visa process i was so scared and we end up in an argument and he said "You made me want to give up again" And after that we broke up until now.

 

I tried to talk about it, he kept mentioning the way i always mad at him. How much it hurts to heard me saying that he is just burden. I know i hurt him. But lately i never talked about that anymore.

 

I tried to talk about it, i said i am ready to start over i am not going to waste 6 years just like that. He keep saying he doesnt want to hurt me anymore, he want me to find someone new, he want me to be happy. I mean after all this time everything i do is for him.

He doesnt want to try. I asked why did he gave up just like that. He said he gave up long time ago.

 

Today i message him, about how much i miss him, he said he has to do this or he will keep hurting me. He said he doesnt want to get a new girlfriend, he just dont want to hurt people. He doesnt want to try again. He doesnt want to get back with me.

 

He wanted me to come over tomorrow to talk about it.

 

What do you think he will say???

[flitzanu]

I dont know what to do anymore.

After we broke up i lost part of me. I went back to my parents house, it doesnt feel like home anymore. I lost my self. My life is empty again.

We tried talking about it he kept saying "I cant hurt you anymore, i cheated on you, and im going back to my country"

He stopped talking to that girl actually. I already forgave him. I want to start over.

Before we had some fights about how our future is going to be. And he just couldn't focus. I know it is my fault saying that i couldnt be with him if he cant focus about us. I said he should go back to his country if he cannot focus because moving to my country just put a burden on me. Like i am taking care of someone who wont give me anything in return. It felt like we were in a relationship just for fun not getting serious.

Months passed. Seems like we forgot those stuff but deep down i still thought i need to do something about us. Making him focus because we both want to spend the rest of our life together. I want to move to his country soon. Still he couldnt focus.

 

One day he went to other city for vacation, got back asked for break up. We talked about it he cried i cried it was terrible then i found out he cheated.

few days later we made up. He changed a lot he became sweeter and better. We decided to start buying tickets for us to go to his country and visit his family. But then in the middle of my visa process i was so scared and we end up in an argument and he said "You made me want to give up again" And after that we broke up until now.

 

I tried to talk about it, he kept mentioning the way i always mad at him. How much it hurts to heard me saying that he is just burden. I know i hurt him. But lately i never talked about that anymore.

 

I tried to talk about it, i said i am ready to start over i am not going to waste 6 years just like that. He keep saying he doesnt want to hurt me anymore, he want me to find someone new, he want me to be happy. I mean after all this time everything i do is for him.

He doesnt want to try. I asked why did he gave up just like that. He said he gave up long time ago.

 

Today i message him, about how much i miss him, he said he has to do this or he will keep hurting me. He said he doesnt want to get a new girlfriend, he just dont want to hurt people. He doesnt want to try again. He doesnt want to get back with me.

 

He wanted me to come over tomorrow to talk about it.

 

What do you think he will say???

 

 

he cheated on you TWICE, why do you want to be with this guy?

[namastemeow]

he cheated on you TWICE, why do you want to be with this guy?

 

just once and it because he wasnt comfortable with our relationship because i get mad too easy with him.

Edited May 19, 2014 by namastemeow

[flitzanu]

so that's a reason to sleep with another girl? because you get mad too easily?

[namastemeow]

so that's a reason to sleep with another girl? because you get mad too easily?

 

i dont know he said he did it because he wasnt sure about our relationship.

He said its his fault that he never told me about it and never talk about it, he just looked for rebound but then he realized he is wrong he cried like all day until his nose just bleed for 2 days. idk.

we made up, then few days later we decide to start over and make plans that we should go to his hometown. But the next day we had a little argument about my visa process and he said "you make me want to give up again". Later that day when i got home he was already home he act different like cold. I asked whats wrong then all of the break up stuff happen until now.

His best friend said its because he has been really homesick. But he doesnt know how to handle it.

He also ask me to give him time until he go back to his country and he said he will have answer about our relationship.

Im confused.

some of my stuff is still in our apartment. Some i already took back to my parents house.

I cant go a day without texting him because i miss him. ugh

[xxmusical]

Sorry for what you're going through, OP, but it's better for you to move on. You always speak of wanting to start over with him because you do not wish to waste those "6 years." That's illogical! You're hurting yourself. Why would you be willing to continue to hurt yourself with this relationship? Those 6 years taught you how dysfunctional this relationship is -- only give and nothing in return. I feel like maybe you are too dependent on him. You are still young. Those "6 years" weren't wasted. You learned a life lesson about love. Don't let yourself go through such misery again by wanting to take him back. You've given him too many chances already, and yet, he was still a disappointment. It's time to move on. Good luck.