Natsume21 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 So, there's this friend. Well, there's this girl... Well, there's this thing. Well, I'm friends with a woman who I secretly kinda like. I have though I accepted being just friends with her even if we have so much in common and her situation(and mine) is like completely out of whack. We both agreed that we would be great as friends and just friends, yet it bothers me when she talks about this guy she's banging. She's never alone. No matter how many times she says she is. I'd like to hear your stories of your adventures in the friend zone(Ladies, you can share too, but the guys here will have more credibility in their opinions cause of the fact that I am a guy myself.) Let it rip. Tell me your most unforgettable stories of being caught in the Internet worded "Friend-Zone" Btw, the definition of friend-zone in this case is "A person who is friends with someone who they seek a romantic interest in. This does NOT include a sexual relationship only. You have to legitimately like this person. How did you deal with it?
joystickd Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 We both agreed that we would be great as friends and just friends, yet it bothers me when she talks about this guy she's banging. If it's like that then you shouldn't be her friend. If you like someone and they only want friendship don't take it. No one wants to be the consolation prize or the surrogate boyfriend/orbiter. I'm not against male/female friendships that are genuine friendships, but I am against ones where a person feels they have to settle for friendship. 2
ayala Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I was friendzoned by a guy I liked. I'd try so hard to spend time with him. He never showed even remotely a little interest in me but I still tried so hard for his attention. I always tried to speak with him and hang out with him but it was apparent he wanted to be friends with me and nothing more. Instead of focusing on what I couldn't have, though, I focused on someone else. Myself. In the process, I became very close to someone else and he revealed he had always liked me, even while he knew I liked someone else. But he was always there for me. We're together now and wouldn't have it any other way! Sometimes while you're caught up with one person, someone else is there that genuinely cares about you and is pursuing you. Just have to take a risk every now and then. (Also turned out that the guy that friendzoned me had a crush on me. I don't know what happened lol)
Author Natsume21 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 If it's like that then you shouldn't be her friend. If you like someone and they only want friendship don't take it. No one wants to be the consolation prize or the surrogate boyfriend/orbiter. I'm not against male/female friendships that are genuine friendships, but I am against ones where a person feels they have to settle for friendship. Sad truth is, most female/male relationships aren't genuine relationships. One or the other is jumping at the chance to be with the other.
Author Natsume21 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 I was friendzoned by a guy I liked. I'd try so hard to spend time with him. He never showed even remotely a little interest in me but I still tried so hard for his attention. I always tried to speak with him and hang out with him but it was apparent he wanted to be friends with me and nothing more. Instead of focusing on what I couldn't have, though, I focused on someone else. Myself. In the process, I became very close to someone else and he revealed he had always liked me, even while he knew I liked someone else. But he was always there for me. We're together now and wouldn't have it any other way! Sometimes while you're caught up with one person, someone else is there that genuinely cares about you and is pursuing you. Just have to take a risk every now and then. (Also turned out that the guy that friendzoned me had a crush on me. I don't know what happened lol) Don't take offense to this, but women don't usually have trouble with this sort of thing, as your happy ending so proved.
TheGuard13 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I had one experience with the "friend zone", in college. Was the orbiter for a while. A girl I made acquaintance with, who had a less than stellar boyfriend, was constantly hanging out with me, flirting with me, and of course, complaining about her boyfriend, how he treated her, and basically making me her emotional tampon. I really, really liked her and wanted to date her. Finally, after a couple of weeks of this, I told her how I felt, and she claimed to be surprised that I had feelings for her. I told her that I knew she had a boyfriend, but if she broke up with him, I'd really like to get to know her much better, and she said "Well...you can't". It wasn't so much that she didn't want to date me or do anything physical with me, it was that she was obviously going to use me to fulfill a certain role, and nothing else, and that she wasn't going to let me know her fully, even as a person. So I nodded, turned around, walked out of her house, and never spoke to her again. It was all terribly dramatic. Moral of the story? Only really good friends are worth being "friend zoned" for. Acquaintances are a dime a dozen. 1
ayala Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Don't take offense to this, but women don't usually have trouble with this sort of thing, as your happy ending so proved. No offense taken, but sometimes from what I've seen as a third party is that a friend will be too enamored with a girl to notice the shy girl who likes him. But maybe it's just the people I hang out with. I'm probably not helping am I? Anyway, just want you to think of a few things: Is this girl worth being hurt by? Does she know how you feel? Does she respect you as a person or as a friend? Do you trust her? It's okay to think of yourself sometimes too. Don't keep other girls out of your life either just because you like someone else. It's natural and it's normal to like more than one person. It's all about who you pursue, who you truly love, and who you stay loyal to.
joystickd Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Sad truth is, most female/male relationships aren't genuine relationships. One or the other is jumping at the chance to be with the other. Not necessarily. If both parties are understanding that its a friendship then it happens. I have two female friends that its understood we both are not interested in each other. She has someone and she knows I wouldn't date her because she is black. It feels more like a brother sister thing than a friendship. Usually the only reason anyone ends up liking a friend is because of the fear of getting out of the comfort zone.
Targetlock Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 and the struggles I've been through with sort of thing have taught me two golden rules: 1. never with friend. 2. never with a work colleague. Unless they make the first move or there is an actual real chance. several friendships have been damaged before because of this in my case when I would make a move and fail usually because they don't see me as anything more than just a good friend.
joystickd Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 and the struggles I've been through with sort of thing have taught me two golden rules: 1. never with friend. 2. never with a work colleague. Unless they make the first move or there is an actual real chance. several friendships have been damaged before because of this in my case when I would make a move and fail usually because they don't see me as anything more than just a good friend. Sometimes them making the first move is bad. I was against friendship with women for a long time because of the grey area that is friendship and the potential manipulation from women that could happen. Even beyond that now I'm cautious because of the potential drama if the friend is in a relationship. Some men/women are bad at setting boundaries and it can create problems with the friend and relationship partner 1
FrostBlaze Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Curently in a friendship with a woman that doesn't want me. Not like i haven't tried, she just doesn't feel it, we dated. Says i'm more of a father to her. Comtemplated leaving often just so that i won't look bad and weak, but... I love her company and i spend quite a lot of my social time with her, so having her gone would of been a big downside for me, i choose to stay friends. Honestly if i find someone else that shows interest and i can socialize on a regular basis, i'd ditch her. (harsh but the truth, so my reasons are kinda selfish for staying, that and that i still care, a lil). Tell you the truth, it sucks.
Targetlock Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Sometimes them making the first move is bad. I was against friendship with women for a long time because of the grey area that is friendship and the potential manipulation from women that could happen. Even beyond that now I'm cautious because of the potential drama if the friend is in a relationship. Some men/women are bad at setting boundaries and it can create problems with the friend and relationship partner well I've never been on the receiving end of this but yeah thanks for pointing that out.
No Limit Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) Hard to explain my situation, but I'll give it a shot. Among my friends is a guy I really like. We have a lot in common, him being as much interested in the same stuff as I do (and that's a tough match; it goes from video games to politics to sports) and usually have a lot of fun when hanging around. But neither of us have really pursued anything. The way I felt it we were both interested, but there's this little feeling in between that made us hesitate and in time settle for friendship in a soundless agreement. By now he's also gotten a GF who also is a friend of mine, so even if I was one of those girls daydreaming about him and writing little love letters I would never try to intervene/destroy anything. (I'm also very happy to say that said friend(s) trust me on this; during the time they started the relationship I was still hanging out a lot in school with him and chatting via text in a group chat his GF also has access to. Another friend made a double-hinted-suggestion once and my immediate reply was "Sorry, he's taken!", which his GF responded with a smiley and later joined us in conversation. It feels really good when people know they can count on you. ) In time of course, our interactions ceased. Today all we do is hang around with others during recess (his GF is in a different school). What made us hesitate? Well, can't explain his feelings, but I do know that he has problems that sometimes make him lash out at people if he's in a bad mood. It's not purposefully meant to hurt but back then it was a red flag to me 'cause it was unpredictable (and reached back to the circumstances at his home; his parents were at the brink of divorce because of his fathers' affair and he didn't handle it well). He's become a lot different over time, and I'd lie if I say that if he'd ask me I would decline. On the other hand, I feel that I want this guy to be long-lasting. I rather have decades with a friend like him than a poor relationship for a couple of years. He's just too important to me. Edited May 14, 2014 by No Limit
somedude81 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I've been friendzoned by more girls than I'd care to remember. Because of that I'm done being friends with women for as long as I'm single. I will only spend time one-on-one with a woman if there is a potential for us to be together. Anything else is a waste of my time. Never again.
InnocentMan Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Friend-zones are no place for overly emotional men. It takes patience and nerves of steel to play this game successfully. Just because a woman doesn't see you like that in the present, it doesn't mean her feelings won't change. If you become a clingy wet blanket and declare your love for her every two minutes, you may as well just forget it. Orbiting is a great way to get women who are way out of your league. Most women will have week moments in their life, and this when skilled orbiters will move in. They tend not to work out long term, but it's a decent way to have sex with attractive women. Why would you even want something serious with a woman that initially rejected you? If you insist on being in the friend-zone, you have to accept the most you will probably ever get is a few months banging. 1
joystickd Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Friend-zones are no place for overly emotional men. It takes patience and nerves of steel to play this game successfully. Just because a woman doesn't see you like that in the present, it doesn't mean her feelings won't change. If you become a clingy wet blanket and declare your love for her every two minutes, you may as well just forget it. Orbiting is a great way to get women who are way out of your league. Most women will have week moments in their life, and this when skilled orbiters will move in. They tend not to work out long term, but it's a decent way to have sex with attractive women. Why would you even want something serious with a woman that initially rejected you? If you insist on being in the friend-zone, you have to accept the most you will probably ever get is a few months banging. I can't believe you would even try to sell someone on this BS. Orbiting is no way to get a women but is a good way to annoy them. If they are interested find someone that is and not orbit. No one would take advice like this
Author Natsume21 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Not necessarily. If both parties are understanding that its a friendship then it happens. I have two female friends that its understood we both are not interested in each other. She has someone and she knows I wouldn't date her because she is black. It feels more like a brother sister thing than a friendship. Usually the only reason anyone ends up liking a friend is because of the fear of getting out of the comfort zone. Can I ask, as a guy who is an advocate of interracial relationships, why her being black is the only reason why you won't date her? Wait, you're from NC. I'm from Alabama. I can see why. To each his own.
Author Natsume21 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Friend-zones are no place for overly emotional men. It takes patience and nerves of steel to play this game successfully. Just because a woman doesn't see you like that in the present, it doesn't mean her feelings won't change. If you become a clingy wet blanket and declare your love for her every two minutes, you may as well just forget it. Orbiting is a great way to get women who are way out of your league. Most women will have week moments in their life, and this when skilled orbiters will move in. They tend not to work out long term, but it's a decent way to have sex with attractive women. Why would you even want something serious with a woman that initially rejected you? If you insist on being in the friend-zone, you have to accept the most you will probably ever get is a few months banging. This ^ This is what im talking about.
joystickd Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Can I ask, as a guy who is an advocate of interracial relationships, why her being black is the only reason why you won't date her? Wait, you're from NC. I'm from Alabama. I can see why. To each his own. I'm not an advocate it's just my preference. I was a late bloomer because of my dedication to women of my own race (Black). None ever wanted to talk to me. I got hell from them from middle school until I got out of college. The firsts for me was with women outside of my race. What person in their right mind would steady try to pursue a group that wants nothing to do with them? I have some that want to talk to me now but it's to prove that they are better sexually or relationshipwise than women of other race. I prefer to not associate with such ignorance.
Author Natsume21 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Had a friend who rejected me in high school. I chased her for years. We graduated, and 4 years later she's married and with a kid. She hears about me dating another woman, who I freshly broke up with. She starts chasing me and pursuing me for a couple of weeks behind her husband's back. It was nuts. What makes it worse. By the time this happened, I was no longer interested in her. I got my victory, but by the time I got it, I didn't want it anymore. Talk about ironic. 1
joystickd Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Had a friend who rejected me in high school. I chased her for years. We graduated, and 4 years later she's married and with a kid. She hears about me dating another woman, who I freshly broke up with. She starts chasing me and pursuing me for a couple of weeks behind her husband's back. It was nuts. What makes it worse. By the time this happened, I was no longer interested in her. I got my victory, but by the time I got it, I didn't want it anymore. Talk about ironic. This is why once you are rejected you move on ASAP. There is always someone better waiting
Author Natsume21 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 I'm not an advocate it's just my preference. I was a late bloomer because of my dedication to women of my own race (Black). None ever wanted to talk to me. I got hell from them from middle school until I got out of college. The firsts for me was with women outside of my race. What person in their right mind would steady try to pursue a group that wants nothing to do with them? I have some that want to talk to me now but it's to prove that they are better sexually or relationshipwise than women of other race. I prefer to not associate with such ignorance. Whoa, now that I know you're black. You're not alone. I am too. My mom used to get on my tail about this. See, in high school most of the black students would bully and chastize me, even in middle school. The ones that treated me nicely just happened to be white. When my mom asked why I wasn't interested, I said "None are interested in me. What's the point?" In college, my first gf was white. Don't get me wrong, I am not racist nor do I hate black women, it's just that I haven't found one that shares my interests and my sensibilities. All I've seen available are the ignorant ones, but all races are full of those. My first college gf, however, she and I didn't work out. Caught her cheating and her mother was a neo-political racist who spit venom at Obama without clear reason. So really, bad chicks and users come in all races. She and my ex are no longer friends. Somehow, I prefer it this way. Ironically, I friendzoned her in college before we started dating.
2.50 a gallon Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) I too had a problem of being friend zoned. This was made worse, as I was short and skinny, and more than once I was told I just wasn't boyfriend material, but they did like talking to me as I was a good listener. A lot like Alex of the old TV sitcom Taxi I had always wanted a large aquarium and one day I bought a 29 gallon tank. I put it in my living room down low, about 4 inches above the floor. Then I got me a couple of large fancy all white pillows and found that laying back and watching the fish swim was very relaxing. A couple of weeks later, a girl whom had FZed me, asked if she could come over some night to just talk. She wanted to talk about her boy friend. When she got there, she was all upset, so I suggested we turn out the lights, plop down on the pillows, watch the fish swim and talk. A couple of glasses of wine later, and guess whom I was doing the nasty with. I used that fish tank for years, turn down the lights, a little soft music along with a glass or two of wine, pina coladas, margaritas, daiquiris, a chess board or a backgammon board, and it hardly ever did it let me down. . In fact I still have, and it definitely influenced my present lady over 18 years ago. Edited May 15, 2014 by 2.50 a gallon
Recommended Posts