BaselineLeaner Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 So we dated 4 years. I'm 22 and she is 21 and I just graduated college. She broke up with me because she said she needed to find herself and I personally think it is because she joined a sorority last semester and our relationship seemed to be on the decline since then. She said she was confused about herself when we broke up and I have gone no contact for a month ever since she broke it off. She did send me a text on graduation day sending this long paragraph about how my future is bright and good luck and all this. I simply texted back thanks and no words since. How do I go about this? I still love her and it's hard and idk if she regrets the decision or not but it's hard but I've done well with the no contact. Any advice would be great
Strength in Healing Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 "Needs to find herself" directly correlates to "Need to date someone else". Pisses me off. You're doing all you can do, brother. Stay NC and stay strong. Maybe she will miss you in time, but I advise you not to give her a second chance, otherwise you'll be giving her a second chance to do this again. 3
ahthepain Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 My ex of three years said pretty much the same thing - "Don't want to be in a relationship for a long time, just need time to focus on me" 3 Weeks post break up she gets with a guy the complete opposite of me she met 3 days prior on a mobile dating app ... I'm already starting to pity her and him. I'd just go NC and try your hardest to move on. Take some form of gratification in the fact that when she does rebound it won't last and while she's wasting her and another guys time trying to find happiness, you were forced to make yourself happy. 1
melell Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 It doesn't necessarily mean she wants someone else, but it does mean she doesn't want a relationship with you. Remember though, break ups aren't always a bad thing... Put your efforts into moving on. In a few years this will seem like, and be, the distant past. 1
Author BaselineLeaner Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 We broke up about 5 weeks ago from a 4 year relationship. We never broke up before and this was or first real breakup. i loved this girl so much. She broke up due to stress in or relationship and just not the right timing for her. 2 weeks later she was already going on dates with different people. I don't know if they were actual dates or just guys to get her mind off of it, but either way It's been 5 weeks and i still haven't found anyone worth going on a date with yet, no even close. I just don't understand how she has moved on so quickly and going on dates. I have been full no contact and we have not seen each other since the breakup but it is still hard. Sometimes i feel like i'm completely over her and the next second I feel like part of me is missing. Just so confusing sometimes. do you really think she is over me that fast? 2
Natsume21 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 We broke up about 5 weeks ago from a 4 year relationship. We never broke up before and this was or first real breakup. i loved this girl so much. She broke up due to stress in or relationship and just not the right timing for her. 2 weeks later she was already going on dates with different people. I don't know if they were actual dates or just guys to get her mind off of it, but either way It's been 5 weeks and i still haven't found anyone worth going on a date with yet, no even close. I just don't understand how she has moved on so quickly and going on dates. I have been full no contact and we have not seen each other since the breakup but it is still hard. Sometimes i feel like i'm completely over her and the next second I feel like part of me is missing. Just so confusing sometimes. do you really think she is over me that fast? That would be a yes. Truth is dude, she had planned this months before the breakup, but just needed someone to jump to. Seems like in cases like these, everyone else knows the truth...except you. Cut your losses, dude. This ship has sailed. 2
luvshaq Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Give it time. Don't try to rush into another relationship. Maybe she just wants to see other guys.
STM206 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 It seems to be a trend with these dumpers. 1.) Okay, I'm not happy with this situation 2.) However, I'm not going to say anything, I'll just start lining up someone else. 3.) It's not you, it's me 4.) 2 weeks later facebook status changes to in a relationship with a new person. 5.) "I wasn't cheating" Bull****. On top of that, you're not going to date until you're ready, don't rush it. 9
johnpatric Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 yeah its possible some people can get over from the relationship if they feel that the relationship will no go longer then they are just try to prepare them self for break up and try to forget about their past easily, I think your ex is a that kind of person or may be possible she is trying to get over that's why she was doing that kind of stuff.. because if you already broke up then why you think about your past relationship so its better to move on.. 1
Michael 93 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Man O Man.. I really feel the pain you are suffering. the only thing I can suggest is to not over analyse too much into this. That was my main problem when I went/am going through the same thing. The thing is you just don't know how they feel or how there new relationship is going. You just don't know. But one thing you know is, it is completely different to how you two were. If you can honestly say you had a good relationship then take those good memories away. one thing you can never erase is memories and there will be times where she thinks about you you can bet your bottom dollar.. Stay NC and heal yourself. I really feel for you man. 4
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 It seems to be a trend with these dumpers. 1.) Okay, I'm not happy with this situation 2.) However, I'm not going to say anything, I'll just start lining up someone else. 3.) It's not you, it's me 4.) 2 weeks later facebook status changes to in a relationship with a new person. 5.) "I wasn't cheating" Bull****. On top of that, you're not going to date until you're ready, don't rush it. Highfive! 3
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 If you can honestly say you had a good relationship then take those good memories away. one thing you can never erase is memories and there will be times where she thinks about you you can bet your bottom dollar.. I keep telling myself that, I'll be a hard act to follow * big head * 1
jt27 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Hang in there man. My ex did the same thing. It seems like she is over me really fast and is probably seeing someone else. It's crushing no doubt. The truth is she checked out emotionally months before ending it. Waiting for the perfect time to jump ship. In my case, she just started a new job so she had a perfect opportunity to have a fresh start and maybe meet someone else. Just keep telling yourself you're a great catch because you are. 3
Chi townD Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Yeah, here's the thing. She knew she was going to break up with you, it was only a matter of when. She was only going to leave when she felt strong enough to do so. Therefore, she already started to mourn the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. You probably felt her really pulling away a couple of weeks beforehand. She probably already discussed it with all of her girlfriends and they probably knew it was coming. Sorry to say, you were probably the last to know. When she was done mourning the loss of you and the relationship and felt stronger, that's when she ended it with you and walked away. But, now she's a hell of a lot farther in the healing process and you've just begun! That's why she finds it easier to date than you do is because she's given herself time to heal from this. Unfortunately, she did this while she was still with you. Does that any sense to you? 6
greenbee81 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I think people are able to mentally breakup before the actual breakup so they're just ahead of the dumpee. I'm sure they still feel bad, but again they're ahead of the game if they're prepared. 2
Author BaselineLeaner Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Yeah, here's the thing. She knew she was going to break up with you, it was only a matter of when. She was only going to leave when she felt strong enough to do so. Therefore, she already started to mourn the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. You probably felt her really pulling away a couple of weeks beforehand. She probably already discussed it with all of her girlfriends and they probably knew it was coming. Sorry to say, you were probably the last to know. When she was done mourning the loss of you and the relationship and felt stronger, that's when she ended it with you and walked away. But, now she's a hell of a lot farther in the healing process and you've just begun! That's why she finds it easier to date than you do is because she's given herself time to heal from this. Unfortunately, she did this while she was still with you. Does that any sense to you? Yup this makes a lot of sense. I could see this happening, but oh well. She never was a good communicator so I could see her doing this. Her loss the way I see it! I respected this girl and never cheated on her and loved her as much as I could have. I'm just gonna continue going no contact and focus on making myself a stronger person! Thank you! 1
Letmeknow Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 We broke up about 5 weeks ago from a 4 year relationship. We never broke up before and this was or first real breakup. i loved this girl so much. She broke up due to stress in or relationship and just not the right timing for her. 2 weeks later she was already going on dates with different people. I don't know if they were actual dates or just guys to get her mind off of it, but either way It's been 5 weeks and i still haven't found anyone worth going on a date with yet, no even close. I just don't understand how she has moved on so quickly and going on dates. I have been full no contact and we have not seen each other since the breakup but it is still hard. Sometimes i feel like i'm completely over her and the next second I feel like part of me is missing. Just so confusing sometimes. do you really think she is over me that fast? This happened to me. I broke up with my first love 5 months ago and we were together for 3 years....She will contact you at some point and when she does make sure you don't act clingy/needy and if you want her back you need to act like you have moved on with your life. If she feeds you bread crumbs, then leave her alone because if you don't it will only make you feel worse. I have personal experience with being fed breadcrumbs and then I found out she was with another dude. Don't worry about her. Focus on yourself. 1
d3sigN8t3dDruNk Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 It seems to be a trend with these dumpers. 1.) Okay, I'm not happy with this situation 2.) However, I'm not going to say anything, I'll just start lining up someone else. 3.) It's not you, it's me 4.) 2 weeks later facebook status changes to in a relationship with a new person. 5.) "I wasn't cheating" Bull****. On top of that, you're not going to date until you're ready, don't rush it. Did you hack my facebook? LOL... My ex fiance of 5.5 years...Dumped me on feb 18, pretty much the same **** here...The night before, she was at her friends house, and her friends husband msg me on FB telling me she was upstairs with the neighbor. When she came home the next day i asked her about it "were just friends"...then 2 weeks after that she was officially his g.f. but she didn't cheat. I find it ridiculously amusing that she thinks im that stupid and naive to beleive her. Moral of the story ladies, and gentleman.... If you ARE unhappy, leave. Don't string someone along til you get someone else, you are a POS for doing so. 3
Lifegoezon Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Yep. I experienced something similar. Agree with all the posts saying she'd already checked out and moved on before she left you. Just one question. How do you know about her dates? I hope you're not Facebook friends or anything. Not stalking her online on some way. If mutual friends are telling you it's best to tell them you're not interested in what she's doing. You don't need this information. She's history. 1
Author BaselineLeaner Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Yep. I experienced something similar. Agree with all the posts saying she'd already checked out and moved on before she left you. Just one question. How do you know about her dates? I hope you're not Facebook friends or anything. Not stalking her online on some way. If mutual friends are telling you it's best to tell them you're not interested in what she's doing. You don't need this information. She's history. Yup one of my friends told me and I proceeded to tell him I don't want to know anymore so please don't tell me about it. He understood. I deleted her from FB, instagram, and twitter 1
7yearsbroken Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Yeah, here's the thing. She knew she was going to break up with you, it was only a matter of when. She was only going to leave when she felt strong enough to do so. Therefore, she already started to mourn the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. You probably felt her really pulling away a couple of weeks beforehand. She probably already discussed it with all of her girlfriends and they probably knew it was coming. Sorry to say, you were probably the last to know. When she was done mourning the loss of you and the relationship and felt stronger, that's when she ended it with you and walked away. But, now she's a hell of a lot farther in the healing process and you've just begun! That's why she finds it easier to date than you do is because she's given herself time to heal from this. Unfortunately, she did this while she was still with you. Does that any sense to you? oh yea man, 7 years same scenario. First love gone bad. She jumped ship. No worries one day soon the tables will turn, and if they do not you should not care because the motivation this will bring to your life will propel you to better yourself in every way. Think of this guy getting your sloppy seconds, who wants a girl that could leave and abandon someone she "loved" like that anyways. Another story of a selfish heartbreaker getting that cake and eating it too. Their days are numbered. 1
Natsume21 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 It seems to be a trend with these dumpers. 1.) Okay, I'm not happy with this situation 2.) However, I'm not going to say anything, I'll just start lining up someone else. 3.) It's not you, it's me 4.) 2 weeks later facebook status changes to in a relationship with a new person. 5.) "I wasn't cheating" Bull****. On top of that, you're not going to date until you're ready, don't rush it. Number 5 is ironic for me. My ex said the same thing. Then I told her I hooked up with my old high school crush, and she went ballistic. According to her, while she was dating someone else, I wasn't allowed to have fun cause it was "hypocritical" of me. Says the girl who promised never to lie to me.
Natsume21 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Yeah, here's the thing. She knew she was going to break up with you, it was only a matter of when. She was only going to leave when she felt strong enough to do so. Therefore, she already started to mourn the loss of you and the relationship while she was still with you. You probably felt her really pulling away a couple of weeks beforehand. She probably already discussed it with all of her girlfriends and they probably knew it was coming. Sorry to say, you were probably the last to know. When she was done mourning the loss of you and the relationship and felt stronger, that's when she ended it with you and walked away. But, now she's a hell of a lot farther in the healing process and you've just begun! That's why she finds it easier to date than you do is because she's given herself time to heal from this. Unfortunately, she did this while she was still with you. Does that any sense to you? Translation, bro: She lied to your face, used you for comfort, and probably cheated on you with someone else. Girl wreaks of immaturity. Happens at her age. Don't blame yourself. In fact, it'll be much better if you move on and don't get her attention. Take it from experience, dumpers HATE that.--Natsume21
jt27 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Does that any sense to you? This makes perfect sense for my situation. Definitely used me for comfort. So cowardly. Thought she may have had an eye on someone else, I don't think she cheated.
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