Break up with girlfriend because of sexual identity crisis

[curiousboi001]

Hi. This is my story. Life isn't fair sometimes. I just ended a 1 year relationship with the most perfect girl ever. I discovered that I am bisexual. I did not know how to handle it because from where I come from thats looked down upon. I lived 18 years thinking I was totally straight and didn't even notice myself checking other guys out. I checked out girls, wanted to have sex with a lot of them (I still want to). I don't eminate homosexual attributes however (not implying that one of the requirements of being gay is to act feminine). I'm not a bad looking guy but im definitly not clean cut metro/homosexual. However, I've never had strong emotions for a man before ever, but sexually I'm all for it. When I finally did notice I questioned my sexuality and tried for 6 months to convince myself that I am straight. Each epidsode was difficult and agonizing because it would take me longer and longer each time to reassure myself that i'm straight. Before her I was a frequent porn viewer so I blamed the fact that I didn't find sex fulfilling on a porn addiction. I quit porn for 6 months. Thought it went away. Then suddenly a jolt of it just came at me again. So I read a previous post on here about HOCD and that got my mind off it for a while. But it came back. Then I blamed it on anxiety and that it's just a phase. I realized no matter how hard I tried I can't get it out of my head. Don't get me wrong im still attracted to women, most of my reaasurance of pure heteroness came from my girlfriend. But rihgt nowI am much more attracted to men. The other day I fantasized about having sex wtih another man. It felt right. This is the first time that I've ever been comfortable and felt no shame for how I felt. And thats when I knew what I had to do and leave my girlfriend, not only so I can go for better things, but so she can. I love her so dearly and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I would marry this woman if this barrier did not exist. I know there are some bisexual guys that are in straight relationships that operate just fine. And I hope to achieve that level of sexuality some day. I tried to make things work between me and her but I just couldn't ignore it, But it would be wrong to keep her with me because we'll just be wasting our time. I'm trying to figure things out for myself now, alone without the risk of hurting anyone, and that's whats most important to me. That she's happy. I am much more happier now as well. The reason I felt the need to express this is because I know that I am not alone. From my point of view, I am much more relaxed then before. If you are experiencing what i have experienced, the best thing to do is to figure things out on your own. Without worrying about other peoples hearts. I am very fortunate that she is a very understanding person and that she accepts me for who I am. She still told me that there will always be a place in her heart for me.

[andreautick]

WAY TO GO!

 

That is awesome, and so smart of you.

 

My best friend, Ryan, used to have a crush on me, and several other girls at various times. He never had a girlfriend though, and even though he didn't have sex with women, the thought aroused him. But, the thought of sleeping with men aroused him much more. He eventually got into some sexual relationships with other men and realized that's really want floated his boat! He is very happy now, and although he doesn't rule out contact with a woman, as the thought is still attractive to him, he classifies himself as bi/gay. He told me when I had a crush on him, many years ago, in order to spare me from having more feelings for him. I am so grateful, and we've become the most wonderful friends (no attraction involved at all...I had a crush on him in highschool, so it was AWHILE ago!).

 

That's just an example of how it can work out in a similar situation.

 

I am so happy for you though. We all have trouble "finding ourselves," and that situation would make it harder than most. I really respect what you've done though, and it sounds like your girlfriend does too.

 

Again, way to go, and good luck with everything:)

[Israfil]

(((((((curiousboi)))))))

 

I'm really proud of you! I'm bi too, and it took me a while to come to terms with it, so I feel your pain. You did the right thing.

 

Good luck with your explorations.

[mixerx]

I have a sexual identity crisis.....

I am not some fat ugly loser posting this. I work, I go to school and

I have many good friends. Furthermore,I am not socially inept. I know how to behave reasonably well around people and if you were to meet me you would probably agree that I am not the strangest person you ever met. I enjoy going to parties and talking with new people every weekend.

I have a terrible problem....It is there every day of life and it never goes away! It is always nagging me at the back of my skull.

I am almost twenty three and I am a (holding back the vomit rising in my throat!) VIRGIN!

I know how to behave around girls just fine. But only to a point and then I feel the same way I felt when I was twelve..horribly embarrassed.

I am not a coward! I have stood up to people much bigger and stronger then me and have gotten my ass kicked many times just to prove that I can fight.

I am starting to feel increasingly alienated. Even in my own family. Both of my brothers have girlfriends and my sister hasboyfriend. What if my parents start to think that I am gay? The funniest thing though is that I am not gay.

True, there have been times when I sort of thought I was gay just because i am so nervous around women but I know this is not true for the simple reason that i am not attracted to men at all.

Every weekend I go to some new party and I find myself chatting with many different girls. The most heart wrenching part for me is when I am talking to a girl that I know likes me. I realize that if she started to know me past a certain point she would be shocked to learn the truth and, furthermore, my bizarre behavior would send her running. I remember I kissed a girl, or should I say she kissed me, when I was sixteen. I tried to make out with her but I felt so strange and unnatural doing it. I was so horribly awkward and it was not an enjoyable experience at all. If I were to ever do anything beyond talking to a girl it would end up exactly the same as when I was sixteen.

I often wonder the reasons for me being the way I am. Maybe it is my mother

who never felt comfortable bieng touched or hugged. When I hug my mother it is an awkward experience becasue I know she does not like it.

She came out when I was about 14 and has been a lesbian with my neighbor, Angel, ever since. I remeber countless days coming home and seeing my mom and Angel snuggling and kissing eachother on the couch all ****ed up and drunk (my mom is also a terrible alchoholic and I am beginning to be one as well). I always found their behavior revolting. But then again, my brothers and my sister seem to be just fine. I feel stupid because i am the oldest. HA HA! I honestly do not know why I am even posting this. It's not like it will solve my problems or anything. I have never ever EVER discussed this with anyone before.

 

I know I cannot go on like this or I will end up killing myself.

And that is th truth.