dating as an atheist.

[whirl3daway]

hi there!

 

how have fellow atheists found the dating scene to work for them?

 

I'm not a "f#ck you if you believe in god!" type of person, but I am frankly, very much a non-believer. sometimes I laugh a lot at jokes about mormons. sorry, mormons.

 

I believe in doing good because you should be a good person, not due to a higher power. I believe in being moral, but not spiritual. (I am, however, really into space, and the idea that we are all made of supernova dust.)

 

I've found a LOT of religious guys who don't care about the fact that I'm very open about my belief system, and I'm openly an atheist.

 

this strikes me as a bit weird! I don't want to date anyone that's religious - that seems like a huge issue. baptizing kids? weddings in churches? .. church? ick, no thanks!

 

so is this just something that the majority of guys don't care about? O_o

[dichotomy]

If they are just dating - not looking to marry you perhaps it may not be an issue if they are not practicing Christians . Many people say the believe something, but they don't practice what they say the believe.

 

Best to stick with someone who shares your belief.

 

I dont imagine a vegan and member of PETA would want to date someone who hunts animals. Thats fine.

[Koopa]

It all depends how devout they are, a very devout person will probably stay away but they are few and far between in my experience. Most people I have met are born into their religion and just go with it but don't take it seriously. I avoid the question by saying "I was raised catholic" without mentioning that I'm now an atheist.

[Candy_Pants]

My H and I do not share the same beliefs, but we're tolerant and understanding of one another.

 

Dating wasn't difficult because I dated people who shared similar beliefs.

[Silly_Girl]

I met my husband through online dating and simply wouldn't have considered anyone who considered themselves attached to a religion.

 

The religious guys you mention... Are they active in their religious community? Is religion something they DO as well as something they are? I just wonder whether they don't care you're an atheist because they carry the label only, IYSWIM.

[Col1]

Atheists seem to have it the easiest in pairing as couples.

[Natsume21]

hi there!

 

how have fellow atheists found the dating scene to work for them?

 

I'm not a "f#ck you if you believe in god!" type of person, but I am frankly, very much a non-believer. sometimes I laugh a lot at jokes about mormons. sorry, mormons.

 

I believe in doing good because you should be a good person, not due to a higher power. I believe in being moral, but not spiritual. (I am, however, really into space, and the idea that we are all made of supernova dust.)

 

I've found a LOT of religious guys who don't care about the fact that I'm very open about my belief system, and I'm openly an atheist.

 

I'm an atheist.

 

In reality, I have more trouble finding dates cause I'm black than because of my general belief in the afterlife(I tend to interracially date and in Alabama, that's still a huge deal)

 

 

 

this strikes me as a bit weird! I don't want to date anyone that's religious - that seems like a huge issue. baptizing kids? weddings in churches? .. church? ick, no thanks!

 

so is this just something that the majority of guys don't care about? O_o

 

Well I'm atheist, and I live in Alabama(yeah, you should know how THAT goes)

 

Well....more people here give me issues of dating cause I'm black and I'm supposed to stay within my color according to people here.

 

Just imagine if they knew I didn't believe in an afterlife as well?

[whirl3daway]

Well I'm atheist, and I live in Alabama(yeah, you should know how THAT goes)

 

Well....more people here give me issues of dating cause I'm black and I'm supposed to stay within my color according to people here.

 

Just imagine if they knew I didn't believe in an afterlife as well?

 

 

haha I get this, because I'm a brown girl myself. However, I do live in a big college town in the Midwest (Columbus, OH), so it's pretty diverse here thankfully. We have a high population of "different" people.

[whirl3daway]

The religious guys you mention... Are they active in their religious community? Is religion something they DO as well as something they are? I just wonder whether they don't care you're an atheist because they carry the label only, IYSWIM.

 

 

To me, it seemed like it was just a label. Most of them that I talked to were like "Oh yeah, I'm not really practicing". However, it's still a red-flag to me because of how I personally feel. I wonder if there should be a better option on dating sites... like how on OKC you can put "apathetic" haha. This was POF, so no options other than religions or non-religious.

[sillyanswer]

hi there!

 

how have fellow atheists found the dating scene to work for them?

 

I'm not a "f#ck you if you believe in god!" type of person, but I am frankly, very much a non-believer. sometimes I laugh a lot at jokes about mormons. sorry, mormons.

 

I dislike the sort of religion that involves other people trying to get me to believe what they believe (and some forms of atheism qualify as 'religion' by that definition, although I don't have anything against an open debate on the topic) and I consider myself to be non-religious rather than either agnostic (which suggests being unsure or undecided...yet) or atheist (which seems to be a fairly strong belief system in itself and, frankly, I don't care that much about it).

 

So, having set out my stall, I'll answer your question: I avoid dating regular (like, every week) church-goers because I'd rather be still in bed on a sunday morning, but I've dated people from various religious persuasions and so long as it's not a HUGE thing in their life then it won't be a big thing in the relationship.

[Natsume21]

When it comes down to it

 

We all worship the same God: currency.

 

 

And women. Sorry fellas, had to rat ya'll out.

 

Frankly, I can't date a devouted Christian person, and I live in Alabama so I don't see any other religion here.

[Natsume21]

To me, it seemed like it was just a label. Most of them that I talked to were like "Oh yeah, I'm not really practicing". However, it's still a red-flag to me because of how I personally feel. I wonder if there should be a better option on dating sites... like how on OKC you can put "apathetic" haha. This was POF, so no options other than religions or non-religious.

 

Screw POF. Everytime I go on there I see either rednecks or ghetto people.

 

Oh wait, I live in Alabama.

 

Maybe I should try looking in other states.

[Natsume21]

haha I get this, because I'm a brown girl myself. However, I do live in a big college town in the Midwest (Columbus, OH), so it's pretty diverse here thankfully. We have a high population of "different" people.

 

Don't think Alabama has ever heard of the word "different"

 

If you're not a typical country person or a stereotypical African American, you're seen as a no good "Yankee" or a "sell-out"

 

^Guess which category I joined?

[central]

I didn't have much trouble dating as an atheist, but it was a little harder finding other atheists or very low key believers who really did not care what I believed, at least to the point that there would not be conflicts over some issues eventually.

 

I found that there are plenty of atheists (to include most Buddhists in this group, too, as my philosophy is largely Buddhist) out there, and some are even compatible in other ways.

 

I found several non-believers who were compatible, but one was simply a lot more-so.

 

I think that for women, many men who aren't serious believers will happily date you, not thinking about the potential issues that will arise eventually if you marry. If you date these people, it is necessary to explore those issues in depth if things look like they're getting serious, as they can be deal breakers.

[whirl3daway]

I found that there are plenty of atheists (to include most Buddhists in this group, too, as my philosophy is largely Buddhist) out there, and some are even compatible in other ways.

 

yes, that's interesting because a lot of my beliefs are wrapped up with some buddhist philosophy as well. I also practice DBT principles (like mindfulness, etc) and find that it works very well for me.

 

I think religion helps meet that community need that humans have - buddhist teachings have shown me a way to include myself in the greater community of being human, instead of feeling alone. it's been a good tool.

[janedoe67]

Don't think Alabama has ever heard of the word "different"

 

If you're not a typical country person or a stereotypical African American, you're seen as a no good "Yankee" or a "sell-out"

 

^Guess which category I joined?

 

Is there another Alabama somewhere in the US?

 

I went to school with and taught in school kids from all over the world...literally. There were interracial couples and gay couples and people who believed and didn't believe. And nobody got hot under the collar about it.

 

I guess people just see what they want to see.

 

Racism exists everywhere. BTW...it is statistically the highest in the midwest.

[janedoe67]

and perhaps among the lesser educated.

 

Perhaps we should compare IQ's and degrees....

[janedoe67]

My IQ is actually in the 160's.

 

Actually, sweeping generalizations are a sign of a lack of aptitude for higher order and critical thinking skills.

[hotpotato]

If they are just dating - not looking to marry you perhaps it may not be an issue if they are not practicing Christians . Many people say the believe something, but they don't practice what they say the believe.

 

Best to stick with someone who shares your belief.

 

I dont imagine a vegan and member of PETA would want to date someone who hunts animals. Thats fine.

 

Im a vegetarian, and ive probably dated at least one hunter. Ive never dated another vegetarian.

It works if both parties are accepting of each other and are not forceful about their beliefs.

[whirl3daway]

Im a vegetarian, and ive probably dated at least one hunter. Ive never dated another vegetarian.

It works if both parties are accepting of each other and are not forceful about their beliefs.

 

 

I'm not particularly forceful about my beliefs - I don't push them on anyone. but I pretty much staunchly refuse to do certain things: raise my future kids in a religion, go to church, get married in a church, baptisms/christenings, blah blah.

[whirl3daway]

this guy is the worst troll I've ever seen. sheesh.

[acrosstheuniverse]

Religion is my most fundamental dealbreaker... I have friends of different faiths, and no judgment against those who choose to follow one, but personally I am so very non religious/spiritual I just wouldn't be compatible with somebody who believed in god or was anything more than agnostic at most. I imagine further down the line, as you do, marriage in a church? Christening kids? No way could I be part of that, and so it seems futile to even dip my toe into the water knowing that it could never go anywhere.

 

I only realised this last year when I met somebody devoutly Sikh while OLD, before that it had never come up before as a consideration as literally everybody I'd ever come across to date was atheist, as are 95% of the people around me. Until then I wasn't even aware of how much a dealbreaker it was.

[dovegirl]

I'm imagining most of these "religious" guys you are meeting are like me.

 

I was raised as a Christian. I was baptized and confirmed in the church.

 

I still go to church on major holidays because it is important to my mother, but I never go otherwise. As an adult I am agnostic.

 

I am married to an atheist, and it has never once caused a problem. Actually, we have had some very fascinating discussions about religious issues. We are able to do so because we respect each others beliefs.

 

So, I would determine whether or not these Christians are currently practicing or just identify as such because that is how they were raised. Often, I think it is the later, and I don't see why it would cause problems for you.

[Quiet Storm]

I think there are many people that are on the fence about religion. They follow the traditions and make church appearances, but dont have full faith.

 

I was raised Catholic, but I never bought it. Even as a little child I remember thinking "why do my parents believe in this?" I told my mom that God was an imaginary friend for grown ups, and she told me I was going to hell. She told all her friends and family that my school said that kids that don't believe are usually exceptionally smart, while damning me and praying for me in private.

 

My husband was raised Protestant, and didn't really question it until he met me in high school. I was honest about how I felt, and he started questioning it.

 

So if you find someone that's on the fence, your honesty could get him thinking. It worked in my case.

 

My husband and I still celebrate Christmas because we like the tradition and our families are believers. We tell the kids about the Bible but we see it as a story, not something to believe in. We teach the golden rule, accountability,responsibility. We try to instill the desire to be a good, fair and honest person. But we don't teach heaven and hell, we don't pray, we don't think God controls life and death. I think my life and my kids lives would be happier to always have a friend listening and guiding us, but I can't teach that to them when I don't even believe it.

 

There are more atheists out there than people think. It's not something everyone broadcasts, because others often judge you for it.

[No Limit]

I'd respect it if he was devouted, so long as he didn't force it on me. I most certainly won't wake up early on Sundays to go to church for example.

 

In my country that's not much of a problem though to be honest. The only time religion was used against me was in my old class when a bully was suddenly taking my atheism as a way of attack and announced things like "How can someone even live without belief? I know I couldn't!" and stuff like that. What an irony that she's probably never seen a church from the inside in her life. And what an irony that my former best friend - daughter of a protestant priest - would join in. So much for loving your next.

 

Maybe these kids think that belief requires a church. Either way, so far my experiences with religious people have been rather bad (adults behaving much more atrociously than those kids for example) so I'll tread with caution.