Robert Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Let's confine the posts in this thread to the topic please.
jnel921 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) My mom said, after it all, that it would have been easier on me if he had died. I absolutely agree with her. Sorry... But that is too extreme. I get where something in the marriage has died or has changed. But your H has the ability to come back from that if there is true remorse. I would never prefer the death on my H no matter what he puts me through. I have lost several people dear to me and it's not the same. I was angry over his actions. Other than his infidelity life is good. If it didn't work out then it's whatever...he lives his life somewhere else without me. I will get over him and his BS and live my life for me like I did the first time when I D my first H for his infidelity. Don't get caught up in your emotions. Edited May 16, 2014 by jnel921
cocorico Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Why is so much importance placed on this? I read it and hear it from WS's and from OW/OM. Dday was the most traumatic experience of my ever lovin' life. My WH is lucky to be alive (or lucky I didn't REALLY lose it). Why does the BS reaction on Dday get so much attention when what should really be focused on is the A and failing of the M? People don't place this same level of attention on someone who is grieving and I have seen levels of hysteria and rage involved in that too especially upon learning the death of a loved one. I don't know, it makes me sad to read all of the posts where BS's behavior on Dday is picked apart. I am very lucky to be alive because my subsequent Ddays sent me to the psych ward and I did occasionally rage at my WH many times after Dday much like these WS's and OW/OM claim. What happened to me and my M was not normal. I feel like my reaction to it matched it's level of abnormalty. I've not experienced a DDay so I can't speak from direct experience, but from what I have observed it seems like any other situation of extreme emotion where people affected feel "disenfranchised" - they witness the affective extremes but feel unable to have any influence - or at least, any that they can direct. The endless analysis is, IMO, an attempt to understand, because understanding conveys a semblance of control, and given the volatility of such a situation, feeling one has no control must seem very disempowering. 1
gettingstronger Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Everyone rubber necks at an accident-human nature I guess but its still not a good thing-
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