ThatOneGuyThat Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 How to get over a broken heart/break up? This is by no means an exact tutorial which will guarantee anything, but it is a list of things I am using and wish I used. I am writing this mainly as a form of coping mechanism to reinforce the ideas in my head of what actions I should take, however if I can help others in the process that’s great. Most of these points will be focused toward the dumpee, however may be perhaps helpful for the dumper. You've just been dumped and you’re angry. By the time you've read this post you've probably already begged and pleaded with the dumper. If you haven’t then great you’re on step ahead. However, right now you might be wallowing in self-pity, harbouring anger inside you. Now, what I want you to do is take a step back, write a letter detailing everything, spill your heart out into this letter if you want, however do not be immature with this letter. Do not hurl abuse and do not put yourself down. In this letter do not include any promises such as “Goodbye forever” or anything like that. To end the letter, don’t say goodbye just let the words on the page die. For example: “Yes, all these things are in the past and cannot be changed. But the future can be controller, and I’m taking control of mine. Good luck taking control of yours.” This does not say goodbye to the person but it lets the message die naturally. Next step, read that letter twice; check it for spelling mistakes, things you’ve missed out and amend them. Now take a day to sleep on the letter, consider whether you should send it or not. What are the benefits of sending it? What do you get? What do they get? Despite which option you chose, whether you send it or not; you are not going to speak to this person again unless they say the magic words described in many a thread. You are going to go complete NO CONTACT. That means no snooping on their facebook, I cannot stress enough how important that is. Ignorance is definitely bliss, you do not want to see what they’re up to or how happy they are, when you are destroyed. Next remove all forms of contact; delete there number, if you want you can screenshot their texts but do not save them on your phone where you can access them whenever, move them to your computer so you can read them to make you feel better at a true moment of weakness (If ever that would make you feel better). Just read one of the many threads on NO CONTACT and what to do during. Check out No Foolin’s guide for a start. During NO CONTACT you are going to have many urges to contact them or see what they’re doing, please don’t look, if you have read the guides you know what to do instead. What I have found most helpful is turning my time to literature, I'm not much of a writer but it’s a great way to occupy your time and improve your skills. Perhaps help others on the site, or write something like this of your own. If you really have the urge message this person, write down what you’d say and post it to one of the many threads, if you’re feeling down create your own thread. This is a great community full of people who have experienced similar things to you and perhaps even worse. Always consider these ideas. They dumped you and they had a reason for it whether you know it or not. That means that they have made their decision, if they have the ability to end it with you they definitely have the ability to run back to you. But do not hold onto this, perhaps consider how when you ran back to them and begged them they turned a cold shoulder towards you, they didn’t want to work on your relationship any more. They gave up on it, and hence they gave up on you. If they came running back, would you take them? Now this is entirely dependent on the people and the relationship. But what I must stress is if you were to do it again, YOU MUST START ANEW. You create a new relationship and be wary of the events of the past but do not let them effect your present or future. One more thing to add, do not be friends with you ex during this process, do not say you even be friends in the future, remain totally ambiguous. This person is who dumped you is definitely thinking about you, especially if you spent so much time together, let them wonder what you’re doing.
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