ex haunting my new relationship

[acoolcat]

I made a post or two about 2 years ago when I was just finishing up high school. Those posts were from a girl who was hopelessly lost in an abusive relationship. It is possibly the most embarrassing part of my past. for about 2-2.5 years, my sophomore to senior year in high school, I lost respect for myself and dated a guy who treated me like **** and made all of my friends hate me. I'm sure you could find that old post by my username but honestly…so embarrassing!!!! We broke up that summer.

 

During the summer into freshman year of college we both went to different schools in the same city. We weren't dating at the beginning of college but would still occasionally hangout. I just got bored. It's as if I woke up one day completely rid of all of my feelings towards him. I would sit there and listen to him talk, watch him play instruments (which i used to love), and watch movies or whatever. It came to a point where the whole time I was with him I wanted to go home and do anything else!

 

I think it all just hit me and my naive teenage brain grew a little bit when I started living in this big city. Anyways, basically I just stopped responding and we stopped talking. It was easy all I had to do was turn off my phone or give it to somebody else until he eventually got sick of calling and looking like a desperate *******.

 

It hit me that this well-off and well-raised boy made me miss out on some of the best memories of my life. Prom was horrible, I missed out on so many parties and small trips with friends. I just became numb and stopped thinking about it, he was never on my mind until later.

 

We stopped talking in october of that year, I've ran into him twice but they we're short awkward encounters before I started dating my new boyfriend. At the end of december (so 3 months since i last hooked up with him) I met this guy who was friends with some of my friends at a different school. He was cute and charming, and we just started hanging out every weekend from then on. He would take me out, I would sleep at his dorm, he would buy me breakfast, and then walk me to the train. At this time I never had any expectations, it was so easy with him. Obviously it was just a hook up but after a while we started developing feelings. One day last May he said he wanted to take me out to dinner. We went to a fancy place and he asked me to be his girlfriend after differ on a bridge, over-looking the river.

 

His name is J and we have been dating for a year this week. He is an amazing guy who treats me like a princess. He used to be a partier and now says he doesn't even want to have a drink because he used to drink for all the wrong reasons and now he is fulfilled. And he just turned 21. That being said he also doesn't have a problem if I want to go out or do whatever.

 

I love my new boyfriend but here is my dilemma. I keep getting haunted by my ex. I think about all the things I should've said. This kid deserved to be seriously scolded. I think about what I would say now if I ever saw him. I had a dream he was trying to kill me. I have irrational fears that I'm going to call my new boyfriend by his name. I think back at all the memories I missed out on and all the time I wasted.

 

My old boyfriend knows about my new relationship, as we flaunt it on social media and his friends that I have run into have said that he knows. I just feel like now that I'm happy and starting to figure out what I want to do in life, I am resentful for my passive-aggressive high school self. I have asked friends if I should go talk to him one day to get it all out, but it feels wrong to even have any slight desire to want to do that.

 

So why is this bothering me now and how can i stop it?

[UnderAttack2014]

You never had closure before, Your stronger now so you want to basically tell him how badly he treated you and how he took the best years from your life... Been there still am there's a couple exs I'd really like to give a good ear bashing too, or just have a heart felt closure chat... Some exs though it's best to let things lie you've moved on, but you still need closure.

 

Write down everything in a letter and then burn it or throw it away it's good to get it out your head and down on paper. Next make a list of all the plus points and negative points with both your ex and your new partner two separate lists and put it somewhere secret so that any time you even consider screwing your new relationship up by contacting the ex for closure you can see plainly on the lists how one is so much better than the other.

 

Your ex is not worth your time, your new bf doesn't deserve you going behind his back just to get off your chest. There are bad people in the world, you will probably meet many more but they aren't worth your time, the best you can do is just cut from life.

 

Don't let resentment of the years taken away build, because they will ruin your future ones, at the moment you think you lost the best years of your life, but honestly there are many better years to come trust me!

[saltyfishhead666]

I made a post or two about 2 years ago when I was just finishing up high school. Those posts were from a girl who was hopelessly lost in an abusive relationship. It is possibly the most embarrassing part of my past. for about 2-2.5 years, my sophomore to senior year in high school, I lost respect for myself and dated a guy who treated me like **** and made all of my friends hate me. I'm sure you could find that old post by my username but honestly…so embarrassing!!!! We broke up that summer.

 

During the summer into freshman year of college we both went to different schools in the same city. We weren't dating at the beginning of college but would still occasionally hangout. I just got bored. It's as if I woke up one day completely rid of all of my feelings towards him. I would sit there and listen to him talk, watch him play instruments (which i used to love), and watch movies or whatever. It came to a point where the whole time I was with him I wanted to go home and do anything else!

 

I think it all just hit me and my naive teenage brain grew a little bit when I started living in this big city. Anyways, basically I just stopped responding and we stopped talking. It was easy all I had to do was turn off my phone or give it to somebody else until he eventually got sick of calling and looking like a desperate *******.

 

It hit me that this well-off and well-raised boy made me miss out on some of the best memories of my life. Prom was horrible, I missed out on so many parties and small trips with friends. I just became numb and stopped thinking about it, he was never on my mind until later.

 

We stopped talking in october of that year, I've ran into him twice but they we're short awkward encounters before I started dating my new boyfriend. At the end of december (so 3 months since i last hooked up with him) I met this guy who was friends with some of my friends at a different school. He was cute and charming, and we just started hanging out every weekend from then on. He would take me out, I would sleep at his dorm, he would buy me breakfast, and then walk me to the train. At this time I never had any expectations, it was so easy with him. Obviously it was just a hook up but after a while we started developing feelings. One day last May he said he wanted to take me out to dinner. We went to a fancy place and he asked me to be his girlfriend after differ on a bridge, over-looking the river.

 

His name is J and we have been dating for a year this week. He is an amazing guy who treats me like a princess. He used to be a partier and now says he doesn't even want to have a drink because he used to drink for all the wrong reasons and now he is fulfilled. And he just turned 21. That being said he also doesn't have a problem if I want to go out or do whatever.

 

I love my new boyfriend but here is my dilemma. I keep getting haunted by my ex. I think about all the things I should've said. This kid deserved to be seriously scolded. I think about what I would say now if I ever saw him. I had a dream he was trying to kill me. I have irrational fears that I'm going to call my new boyfriend by his name. I think back at all the memories I missed out on and all the time I wasted.

 

My old boyfriend knows about my new relationship, as we flaunt it on social media and his friends that I have run into have said that he knows. I just feel like now that I'm happy and starting to figure out what I want to do in life, I am resentful for my passive-aggressive high school self. I have asked friends if I should go talk to him one day to get it all out, but it feels wrong to even have any slight desire to want to do that.

 

So why is this bothering me now and how can i stop it?

 

You "flaunt" your relationship all over social media? Did this guy hurt you so much that you feel you have to prove that you should/can be happy with someone else and are?

 

Forget him - many people go through extremely bad break ups, with so many unanswered questions and continue to go on and have happy healthy relationships.

 

You should be pleased you found someone who is going to treat you right and does not staring back at the past and feeling angry.