anemptycup Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 will try to keep it short. it's been brutal - so far - the hardest part of it, which lingers today is knowing the names of the guys she started seeing soon after we broke up - to this day, i haven't found the strength not to think about her and them... only yesterday i found one of their okcupid profiles - my road has been maybe like so many others on here - after 7 weeks of NC - i emailed her a happy birthday - i was glad i did, because she was down and sad, and sounded needy - prior to that i had been begging like a girl.. and at least i felt i could end it strong now - i drove the conversation to a quick close despite her trying to connect more. 3 weeks later - i had a break through one day - i finally gave up on her.. and really let go... i just decided that was enough - the next day, i didnt even think about her and then guess what.... for the first time since our break-up, she initiated contact and emailed me about sending back my clothes - just as Barky said - once you really let go and move on - somehow they will sense it... i could tell there was more to her email - it was flrty - and a few days later i broke, and we spent several hours messaging each other on skype - which she started off saying how good looking i looked (new skype picture) and even said "you don't really want me back do you?" - i answered saying - it depended on how serious she was to working on herself - and that the most important thing in my life now, in the future and until i'm alive is my self love - to sum up that conversation - the next day we both were feeling super hopeful that the door was now "open" for us to get back - this after i spent 3 months of hell, and she was out screwing guys left right and center going on dates and basically keeping super active trying to "bury her pain"?... she said talking to me a was massive energy charge for her and that she had been very depressed and down - and that she really needed to connect again with someone... (i know how badly i messed up and am posting this so other will hopefully learn from my mistakes) she didn't deserve that charge - and i ruined it by giving it to her - hell i was super motivating to her in that conversation - encouraging her and motivating... what an ASS i was... and now she;s probably charged up again and out dating etc... yes, an ASS. she told me that things had been so hard for her in the last few weeks and she feels like she's now starting to go through the process finally - and she agreed that it has to do it alone... but i got the feeling she was just mirroring **** i was telling her... i think contacting her for her birthday, and mentioning i was going to Thailand.. set off her "depression" probably because she just wants to go to frikkin thailand... anyway... the next day we exchanged one final email saying how great it was to re-connect and she expressed concern that she may have "cheated" on her journey now knowing there is hope.. and not being able to go through the rejection and pain properly... whatever... of course - that whole conversation set me right back and totally distracted me of my course of healing... and yes, i've been shamed to post it here... but - here it is.. people should know - their exes are most likely SUFFERING... as mine was - EVEN if they make out like they're having fun... don't give em any attention - it just charges them... and gives them more energy to do **** to you that hurts.. save yoru energy and power for yourself. i was trying to impress her by being supportive etc... but, she's so not worth it... she's been out there dating so many guys - she's slept with so many guys already... i just pray that i can stop thinking about her and get over her - no one has ever caused me so much pain... and i know i am causing it mostly myself.. my plan now... NC - even if she emails me... i won't reply - unless she is down right BEGGING... and then... maybe. it's hard though - i can't resist spying on the dudes she's dating.. or seeing the things she's liking on facebook - yes i blocked her on FB and last week i de-activated my account even... anyway.. that's just my story so far... good luck to all! NC NC NC NC - and put any energy you have into yourself. 2
Kitty278 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I am sorry to hear all that pain and relapses you re going through. You deactivated your facebook account, I think that is a great step forward. Seeing the guys she is dating just hurts - do not do that to yourself. I think it is hard enough knowing that she is out looking for other people - regardless of her motives and reasons! This is all you need to know - dont visualize it - this only tears open the wound so much more. When are you going to Thailand? I think this is really what you will need - just time away, leave everything literally behind... I will take this story from you, and what you have learned from it: let actions speak, if they truely want us back, they will find a way other than just saying and promising things. Stay strong!
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