lionheart153 Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 So It's been some time since my break up and I think typing it out to share my store seems like a good idea. Maybe to help myself or maybe to tell others that are lost what to expect and how to come to accepting what has happened. In Jan 2014 my fiance and best friend of 6 years dumped me. I did not expect it, and there was nothing to show as a sign leading up to the break up. In fact I thought our relationship was developing stronger even after a rough patch. It broke my heart, I couldn't focus at work, failed my licensing exam for work. I moved out quickly because she did not want me around the house as it was to hard for her. After leaving and find a place to stay she kept pressuring me to get the rest of my things out of the house, and was just all out rude to me. I understand now it was because she was dealing with pain as well and having me out of her life was how she was trying to cope. I left everything behind and took the essentials, I had moments of nervous break downs and thought that I would never be happy again. I thought about just ending my life. After a week or so of our break up I had begun to desperately search for answers online, friends whatever the case was. You see the break up wasn't clean cut, she dumped me one night and then changed her mind to saying we just need space and to wait it out a week. A week of torture later she broke up with me officially. During my search for answers I found Loveshack, and many other forums. I posted a lot about sadness and how to get her back, the answer I always got was No Contact. It was not easy but I saw that I had little choice, and I went no contact. I failed a few times to maintain a long hold. I didn't msg her begging to get back together, but I answered her when she reached out, either about stupid useless things or just hearing her complain to me that I need to get my things out. Then the first test of true NC came. After a weekend her family came to visit, she tried to call me, and when I did not pick up she texted me saying she would like to talk and tell me the best she could on what happened. At that point I had heard stories of how it happened and how it came to be friend friends and I had discovered that knowing more will only make me feel worse. I ignored her, and went on my way. Hit the gym and started to improve myself. Few months went by, I began to get more serious about the gym and I started to change my diet. Quit my second job as I no longer needed it to support her and to give her the wedding that would never be. I started to go out, reconnected with old friends tried to move on. I did Strict no contact for 2 months straight and every few days or weeks I would have a break down, but Loveshack or another forum would tell me to keep strong. I did have a therapist as well. And I did the best I could. She was the first to contact me, called me one day out the blue with a number I did not recognize, and told me she heard from my close friend that I wanted to talk to her (I wanted no such thing) and that she wanted to offer me the chance to talk if I need it to move on. I said thanks but no thanks. That felt great that I was able to shake it off. Yes it was hard to hear from her and I was shaken up a bit. She continued to msg me through out the month about random things like "you have more mail for pick up" When she realized I stopped answering she left me alone for a bit but then msged me again saying hi, trying to spark a conversation it seems to which i snuffed quite quickly. It felt good, I guess. Then came the drunk calls of how she missed me and crying over the phone. I had a moment of weakness but i realized that nothing was going to change and these were just bread crumbs and things she wanted to do to make herself feel better. It was tough but I moved on. She tried calling agian and this time I just ignored it. So it had been 5 months now, going on to 6 post BU. How am I now? I lost 20 pounds since February, I feel more confident, I don't sit around looking at old pictures thinking what she is doing. She isn't in my head every day and ever second anymore. I have learned who my true friends are and I have met new people. Work its going great, I passed that exam and my bosses love me so much they don't want me to move. I've tried getting back out their and while I wasn't looking for a relationship or anything, it seems like something might start to develop with someone I met, but I am not sure I am ready yet. Have I moved on? No, I still miss her the odd time, miss what once was but I have accepted that it is over and understand that it is best to take away from this experience as a positive vs thinking always about what once was. So the conclusion of this whole post is to tell you that things will get better. The one thing I learned is that I have to be the one that makes it better. Nothing will come out of the shadows to change your life to make it better. Who knows what the future has in store for me now. anything is possible but it begins with you first. Safe travels everyone! 11 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr.Pine Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 So the conclusion of this whole post is to tell you that things will get better. The one thing I learned is that I have to be the one that makes it better. Nothing will come out of the shadows to change your life to make it better. Who knows what the future has in store for me now. anything is possible but it begins with you first. Safe travels everyone! I don't often comment on the moving, positive aspects of a person's post. But when I do, I have a Dos Equis in my hand as I type. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
keeptryingormoveon Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 I know you're not really counting or care that much, but if you broke up in Jan 2014, you just past 4 months. Still a long way until 6...lol. Anywho, congrats on your recovery. I'm in a similar position where I just do my own thing and don't really think of my ex as much anymore. Slowly becoming the content single person I use to be. Hope you continue forward on your recovery. Remember, happiness is a choice. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lionheart153 Posted May 13, 2014 Author Share Posted May 13, 2014 sorry im not really counting, feels like 6 months i guess Link to post Share on other sites
yorkie Posted May 13, 2014 Share Posted May 13, 2014 lion heart i am nearly 9 months and reading that what you have written touched me deeply! i fully respect you and your decision to move on not like you had a choice really but i just want to say well played!i honestly mean that! things will get tough still further down the line. and i hope you keep your chin up! well played that man! and you know what you post has even helped me even though im further down the line than you! so thanks for posting this. gives us all hope and actually motivation which is hard to focus on the future. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author lionheart153 Posted May 13, 2014 Author Share Posted May 13, 2014 thanks and good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
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