Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Ryan, just take what you need from the advice given and ignore what doesn't help you. Fact is, this girl is the least of your problems. Until you work on your self-esteem, you're going to continue self-sabotaging. Why do you think you have issues with how you see yourself? Have you always been this way or is it because you're just having a momentary dip in your life? 8th grade I felt like I was on top of the world, but the awful years of high school and abuse from my mother hurt me mentally. I want to boost my esteem up but idk how
DArtagnan2 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 8th grade I felt like I was on top of the world, but the awful years of high school and abuse from my mother hurt me mentally. I want to boost my esteem up but idk how Im' sorry dude about the circumstances you have found yourself in. People can be real ****s some times. But the only way to get that self esteem is from within. It takes a lot of belief in yourself, to know that regardless of what bad **** comes your way, you are standing upright and made it through best way you knew how. 1
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Im' sorry dude about the circumstances you have found yourself in. People can be real ****s some times. But the only way to get that self esteem is from within. It takes a lot of belief in yourself, to know that regardless of what bad **** comes your way, you are standing upright and made it through best way you knew how. Thanks man, I appreciate that, you are heroic.
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 8th grade I felt like I was on top of the world, but the awful years of high school and abuse from my mother hurt me mentally. I want to boost my esteem up but idk how I know what abuse from a parent can do to you. I'll tell you a quick story. My father aside from physically abusing me, used to always make fun of my body -- he would say I had bird legs, bony arms, puny breasts, coconut scraper teeth -- from a kid to my early twenties. Those words have stayed with me and in my 40s now, it has never left me. I still see myself as "ugly" sometimes -- I'm seeing me through his eyes. I remember in my twenties, I started a new job and wore pants and long sleeve blouses all the time to cover up, even in sweltering weather. I made a friend at work and she asked me one day why I covered up. I told her I was ashamed of my body and I hated it. She forced me to change that around. Twenty years later, I still have to sometimes force myself to show my legs. I still feel conscious of my breasts. I sometimes catch myself checking out my elbows. I can walk in a mall with shorts and if I catch someone looking at my legs, I'm going in my head, "Oh my god, she's laughing at my legs, my legs are so ugly..." Then I have to quickly reverse it and change my thoughts. I have to check myself when I do that. It takes years to love and believe in yourself when the one person that was supposed to lift you up and love you unconditionally damages your soul. You have to fight the ugly thoughts. You have to replace the bad with the good. It's work, effort and it's tiring but in order to undo all that negative hardwiring, you have to train and rewire yourself into being positive. It won't happen overnight but you have to start somewhere. First little step you can make, go to the library and read up on some self-help books. Books on positive affirmations, books of self-healing, books on change, etc. Start with one book. It will open yourself to coping skills and possibly other ways you can start reinventing and rebuilding yourself again. Maybe you should start a thread on the self-improvement section and see what sort of advice you get. Maybe this is the time you start your focus on you. Low self-esteem comes from lack of self-love. You have to find your worth and value before you go seeking it from others. 4
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 I know what abuse from a parent can do to you. I'll tell you a quick story. My father aside from physically abusing me, used to always make fun of my body -- he would say I had bird legs, bony arms, puny breasts, coconut scraper teeth -- from a kid to my early twenties. Those words have stayed with me and in my 40s now, it has never left me. I still see myself as "ugly" sometimes -- I'm seeing me through his eyes. I remember in my twenties, I started a new job and wore pants and long sleeve blouses all the time to cover up, even in sweltering weather. I made a friend at work and she asked me one day why I covered up. I told her I was ashamed of my body and I hated it. She forced me to change that around. Twenty years later, I still have to sometimes force myself to show my legs. I still feel conscious of my breasts. I sometimes catch myself checking out my elbows. I can walk in a mall with shorts and if I catch someone looking at my legs, I'm going in my head, "Oh my god, she's laughing at my legs, my legs are so ugly..." Then I have to quickly reverse it and change my thoughts. I have to check myself when I do that. It takes years to love and believe in yourself when the one person that was supposed to lift you up and love you unconditionally damages your soul. You have to fight the ugly thoughts. You have to replace the bad with the good. It's work, effort and it's tiring but in order to undo all that negative hardwiring, you have to train and rewire yourself into being positive. It won't happen overnight but you have to start somewhere. First little step you can make, go to the library and read up on some self-help books. Books on positive affirmations, books of self-healing, books on change, etc. Start with one book. It will open yourself to coping skills and possibly other ways you can start reinventing and rebuilding yourself again. Maybe you should start a thread on the self-improvement section and see what sort of advice you get. Maybe this is the time you start your focus on you. Low self-esteem comes from lack of self-love. You have to find your worth and value before you go seeking it from others. Wow, I don't know what to say...thank you..
Eivuwan Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Wow, I don't know what to say...thank you.. Is there someone supportive that you can talk to? Are there counseling services at your shelter? There may also be some low fee ($10 dollars per session or less) clinics nearby that can help you with your self-esteem problems.
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Wow, I don't know what to say...thank you.. Work on yourself, Ryan. You are young and you have time to path your way in a positive direction. Don't let the abuse that you endured control the rest of your years. Instead of letting it control and hold you back, use it as motivation to propel you forward. 1
Phantom888 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 If you live in a homeless shelter, you have a lot more serious things to worry about than a girl. Survival, make ends meet, trying to get back on your feet.... these are the things you need to focus on. Forget everything else. Being homeless automatically eliminates your choices of dating great women, so try to not be homeless ASAP.
Author Sagittarius Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 If you live in a homeless shelter, you have a lot more serious things to worry about than a girl. Survival, make ends meet, trying to get back on your feet.... these are the things you need to focus on. Forget everything else. Being homeless automatically eliminates your choices of dating great women, so try to not be homeless ASAP. I already have a job, I never said I'm looking to date.. 1
Author Sagittarius Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 What more advice do you seek, Ryan? Well last night I was sitting on one of the couches, everyone was pretty tired so the only ones awake were me and her. She was watching a movie on her tablet, i could tell she kept looking at me because of my peripheral vision, but she didnt say anything to me. I kept waking up throughout the night because I kept thinking about what she said. When shes around, I get angry and sad. Angry at what she said, but sad because I really do like her and part of me doesnt want to be mad at her
Allumere Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 8th grade I felt like I was on top of the world, but the awful years of high school and abuse from my mother hurt me mentally. I want to boost my esteem up but idk how You want to boost your self-esteem, just look where you are. You have a roof over your head AND A JOB. Dude, do you not see what you have done? You are still here! You survived the crap-storm! Yeah, you have a lot of battle wounds. Sometimes they are simply a dull ache and other times they just bleed like a mother but all wounds heal. By no means am I making light of the emotional baggage you have been forced to carry. It sucks you have had to carry it and I can't begin to understand all the challenges you have faced....but you have and obviously haven't given up. Realize that through all the pain, tears, and utter BS you have felt that ultimately you have been unbelievably strong. Be proud of that, own it! Now it is just a matter of moving forward and you will. 1
FitChick Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Focus on yourself and set a goal to get a better job. Then a better job after that. Climb the ladder one rung at a time. You will boost your confidence by what you will accomplish. You will make more money so you can move out and not have to deal with people you dislike. 1
SpiralOut Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Well last night I was sitting on one of the couches, everyone was pretty tired so the only ones awake were me and her. She was watching a movie on her tablet, i could tell she kept looking at me because of my peripheral vision, but she didnt say anything to me. I kept waking up throughout the night because I kept thinking about what she said. When shes around, I get angry and sad. Angry at what she said, but sad because I really do like her and part of me doesnt want to be mad at her Try to forgive her. You don't need to like what she said, or be friends with her. It's not good for you to carry a grudge. I should know, I always carry them for years and they are hard to let go, but all it does is hurt you.
Chocolat Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Well last night I was sitting on one of the couches, everyone was pretty tired so the only ones awake were me and her. She was watching a movie on her tablet, i could tell she kept looking at me because of my peripheral vision, but she didnt say anything to me. I kept waking up throughout the night because I kept thinking about what she said. When shes around, I get angry and sad. Angry at what she said, but sad because I really do like her and part of me doesnt want to be mad at her I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this. I hope you can reach into the part of you that doesn't want to be mad. I don't think she meant to insult you or anger you. Most likely, she is unaware of the things that have happened in your past to make you so sensitive. She probably thought she was flirting and hoped that this would increase contact between the two of you, not decrease it. It is sometimes easier to be mad than hurt. It's important to work through hurt, though, because the only person you really punish when you carry anger is yourself.
Eivuwan Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 She is in the same situation as you and probably did not have a great upbringing as well. Sometimes it's better to be understanding and forgiving than to take things personally. Some people just don't know healthy social interactions. That applies to both her and you.
Zahara Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Well last night I was sitting on one of the couches, everyone was pretty tired so the only ones awake were me and her. She was watching a movie on her tablet, i could tell she kept looking at me because of my peripheral vision, but she didnt say anything to me. I kept waking up throughout the night because I kept thinking about what she said. When shes around, I get angry and sad. Angry at what she said, but sad because I really do like her and part of me doesnt want to be mad at her I really, truly believe she didn't mean it out of spite. If she really felt so negatively about you, she'd be putting space between you but instead, she is close and as you said she kept looking at you. Probably waiting for you to acknowledge her or break the ice. I understand why this is hard for you to get over because most of it is you feeding into your own self-perception. Let go of that anger, Ryan. With some of your responses, there is an angry undertone. I don't know where it is coming from but you have to let go of those feelings. I know when I lived with my parents, I was an angry kid. When I ran away from home and built my own life, my demeanor changed. No more rage, anger and self-deprecation. Maybe your environment and situation is nurturing those feelings in you. You have to forgive her and it was very likely, innocent. Put it behind you. Don't be so angry. It's a wasted emotion, especially when it's not warranted. Make peace with her and talk to her about how you felt. Tell her that what she said hurt you and that you know she meant no harm. Sometimes people don't know what they've done to wrong you or how much they have hurt you if you don't express yourself. In the future she may be more careful in how she handles you.
Author Sagittarius Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 I really, truly believe she didn't mean it out of spite. If she really felt so negatively about you, she'd be putting space between you but instead, she is close and as you said she kept looking at you. Probably waiting for you to acknowledge her or break the ice. I understand why this is hard for you to get over because most of it is you feeding into your own self-perception. Let go of that anger, Ryan. With some of your responses, there is an angry undertone. I don't know where it is coming from but you have to let go of those feelings. I know when I lived with my parents, I was an angry kid. When I ran away from home and built my own life, my demeanor changed. No more rage, anger and self-deprecation. Maybe your environment and situation is nurturing those feelings in you. You have to forgive her and it was very likely, innocent. Put it behind you. Don't be so angry. It's a wasted emotion, especially when it's not warranted. Make peace with her and talk to her about how you felt. Tell her that what she said hurt you and that you know she meant no harm. Sometimes people don't know what they've done to wrong you or how much they have hurt you if you don't express yourself. In the future she may be more careful in how she handles you. I want to talk to her privately about it, but she is always in the living room with the other residents and only gets home at 9:30 PM :/
Zahara Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I want to talk to her privately about it, but she is always in the living room with the other residents and only gets home at 9:30 PM :/ Then when you see her in the living room, you approach her (smile!) and ask her if she has a few minutes to go somewhere quiet to talk. Yesterday was the perfect opportunity when all was quiet and it was just the two of you awake.
Author Sagittarius Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Then when you see her in the living room, you approach her (smile!) and ask her if she has a few minutes to go somewhere quiet to talk. Yesterday was the perfect opportunity when all was quiet and it was just the two of you awake. Me and her talked last night, its all good now:) She snuck up to my room and cuddled with me 0:) thank you for the advice :3 2
Zahara Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Me and her talked last night, its all good now:) She snuck up to my room and cuddled with me 0:) thank you for the advice :3 I'm happy for you, Ryan! Great news!
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