Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 My name is Ryan. Alright, I'm 20, I live at a homeless shelter. In the living room it was me, the girl Kasei, and another resident Phil. Here is what happened last night. Kasei: Eric is so weird! He creeps me out, sometimes he'll just stare at me and not say anything Phil: Yeah that Eric is weird, sometimes at 3:00 AM he'll just come down and sit on the couch with his hoodie on. *Staff Member JOHN comes out* John: Haha, don't you think Ryan here is a little weird? Just kidding Ryan. Kasei: Haha, well Ryan is weird looking! *Giggle* This ****ing pissed me off, I snapped at her, told her I know I'm ugly then proceeded to the stairs. As I am walking towards the stairs she says, "No Ryan, you're reallly cute!" I know she is obviously just trying to cover up and be nice now, since she knew she pissed me off. Days ago she was giving me innuendos and slight flirting, but I guess she was just doing that out of pure boredom. So should i just avoid her now and not even talk to her? What the hell should I do, because she moved here only last week, so I'll have to deal with her for a while. I lashed out at so many of my female friends on FB too, of course they are trying to defend Kasei, typical women. Anyway, hopefully someone can help.
Chocolat Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I think Kasei thinks you're cute. If that's you in your avi, she's right (especially if you would smile). 2
Allumere Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Sounds like some rough days anyway if you are at the shelter. Blessing to have a place to go but dealing with revolving strangers I would imagine gets tough at times. Anyway, from what you wrote it did sound more like she was being a smart*** rather then really making any statement about your looks but if it hurt your feelings then that is irrelevant. Avoidance solves nothing...ever! I would suggest talking to her directly. It is simple. Tell her that you didn't appreciate the comment and it hurt your feelings. Now here are a few other random thoughts... -Prior to her comments, y'all were talking about this Eric dude being weird. Hmmmm...imagine if he walked in and heard those statements being said behind his back. He would be pretty pissed off and hurt. Just sayin.... -If that is you in the pic, you ain't ugly. And if you think you are ugly then I am sorry someone or something has gotten you to believe that cause it is crap. -If you are already annoyed and frustrated with life, this is just one more thing so I can understand lashing out, especially against folks you know or are maybe even close to BUT if you are going to pitch a situation or problem out there then you have to be willing to accept the different responses and opinions of other folks. You don't have to agree with them but don't take it as an assault if they don't give you the response you want. 1
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I think she was being cheeky with you. I remember my ex-husband saying that when he would flirt with me when we first started dating, I would sometimes say something mean but I'd do it because I would be so nervous and it would come out all wrong. The fact that she came after you and tried to rectify it shows that she didn't want to hurt you nor did she mean it. If she felt that way and didn't care, she would have let you walk away. And the worst thing you can do is say things like, "I know I am ugly." Exude confidence. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. And if you believe you are ugly and you announce it, what are you instilling in others? If that is you in the pic, I'm sure she meant what she said! Smile more! 1
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 I think Kasei thinks you're cute. If that's you in your avi, she's right (especially if you would smile). It is me, and I never smile. But what should I do? Avoid her, talk to her? -_-
clia Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 She was teasing and flirting with you. You totally overreacted. 4
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 It is me, and I never smile. But what should I do? Avoid her, talk to her? -_- Talk to her. Why avoid her? She was being cheeky and flirting with you. 1
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Sounds like some rough days anyway if you are at the shelter. Blessing to have a place to go but dealing with revolving strangers I would imagine gets tough at times. Anyway, from what you wrote it did sound more like she was being a smart*** rather then really making any statement about your looks but if it hurt your feelings then that is irrelevant. Avoidance solves nothing...ever! I would suggest talking to her directly. It is simple. Tell her that you didn't appreciate the comment and it hurt your feelings. Now here are a few other random thoughts... -Prior to her comments, y'all were talking about this Eric dude being weird. Hmmmm...imagine if he walked in and heard those statements being said behind his back. He would be pretty pissed off and hurt. Just sayin.... -If that is you in the pic, you ain't ugly. And if you think you are ugly then I am sorry someone or something has gotten you to believe that cause it is crap. -If you are already annoyed and frustrated with life, this is just one more thing so I can understand lashing out, especially against folks you know or are maybe even close to BUT if you are going to pitch a situation or problem out there then you have to be willing to accept the different responses and opinions of other folks. You don't have to agree with them but don't take it as an assault if they don't give you the response you want. Yeah its a great shelter, it helped me get a job, very clean house, 45 shelves of all different food, great location.. I'm really scared to even look at her again, it hurt a lot. And yes, it is me in my pic, just 1 year old pic, but I look the same, jut longer hair now. Thanks for the help though.
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 She was teasing and flirting with you. You totally overreacted. I'm not surprised you're defending her.
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Talk to her. Why avoid her? She was being cheeky and flirting with you. I'm shy and I dont think she was being flirty or cheeky last night, this morning before I left to go to McDonalds she just looked and frowned at me.
Chocolat Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 It is me, and I never smile. But what should I do? Avoid her, talk to her? -_- What do you want to do? I don't know the specifics of your living situation, so I am inclined to say you should at least be cordial. I understand she hurt your feelings but I don't think this is what she intended. I agree that she may have thought she was playfully flirting with you and now feels awkward because your reaction was not what she expected. If you like her and want to be friends with her, talk to her.
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I'm shy and I dont think she was being flirty or cheeky last night, this morning before I left to go to McDonalds she just looked and frowned at me. Maybe she frowned at you because you reacted angrily the night before? I said in my earlier post that I believe she was being cheeky because I have done that before. If she was being mean and looked down on you, she would not have tried to rectify the situation. I have to wonder if your confidence is at a low and you perceive things negatively and you're extremely fragile because if you see and believe yourself to be/look a certain way, then others do as well. 1
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Maybe she frowned at you because you reacted angrily the night before? I said in my earlier post that I believe she was being cheeky because I have done that before. If she was being mean and looked down on you, she would not have tried to rectify the situation. I have to wonder if your confidence is at a low and you perceive things negatively and you're extremely fragile because if you see and believe yourself to be/look a certain way, then others do as well. I do have low confidence :/
jay1983 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 She was just playing dude. I do the same thing with cute girls, I like to tease em.
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I do have low confidence :/ And that's going to work against you because you will always be projecting how you feel about yourself onto others. You need to realize your value, and start affirming to yourself that you believe you have worth.
Phoe Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Kasei: Haha, well Ryan is weird looking! *Giggle* This ****ing pissed me off, I snapped at her, told her I know I'm ugly then proceeded to the stairs. As I am walking towards the stairs she says, "No Ryan, you're reallly cute!" I lashed out at so many of my female friends on FB too, of course they are trying to defend Kasei, typical women. Did you ever stop to think that rather than "defending" her, womoen are explaining what her intentions were, because, as women, WE KNOW BETTER THAN YOU DO, why a girl would do that? She was being flirty and cheeky. Some people will throw out a little jab, giggle about it, as a way of flirting. Obviously, for you, it's not a good way to flirt with you. If you want to avoid her, then yes, just avoid her.
Dallers Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) Dude I think you need to focus on your situation rather than this girl at the moment. Especially as it is clear that getting involved with her when you are clearly going through a tough time and lacking in confidence is not going to help you at all. What others have said is right and they are just trying to get that into your head but you are showing your weaknesses by snapping at everyone here who is confident in their opinions and understand the way that other humans work when it comes to dating and love. Calm down, listen to what we are saying. She was flirting and is going through the same tough time you are so she is hurting inside and shows her feelings by hurting you. Chill out and hang with her and for F sake play it cool if you want to get anywhere with a girl. Do not wear your heart on your sleeve. Edited May 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 1
Author Sagittarius Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Dude I think you need to focus on your situation rather than this girl at the moment. Especially as it is clear that getting involved with her when you are clearly going through a tough time and lacking in confidence is not going to help you at all. What others have said is right and they are just trying to get that into your head but you are showing your weaknesses by snapping at everyone here who is confident in their opinions and understand the way that other humans work when it comes to dating and love. Calm down, listen to what we are saying. She was flirting and is going through the same tough time you are so she is hurting inside and shows her feelings by hurting you. Chill out and hang with her and for F sake play it cool if you want to get anywhere with a girl. Do not wear your heart on your sleeve. That woman didnt give any advice though, I didnt even ask if she was flirting, I asked on what i should do -_-
Eivuwan Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I wouldn't go around calling people weird, but I think you overreacted. Just be courteous to her and focus on improving your life at this point. Your low self-confidence is making you highly defensive which puts other people off causing them to be rude to you. Then that further lowers your confidence. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Salvatore85 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 If you want to know what you should do than you first must be willing to hear what someone else has to say. Just apologize to her. Tell her you've been having a rough time and it's got you on the edge a bit, as that's how it seems anyway. She was flirting with you but that doesn't matter now. And you're not a bad looking dude man, just got to work on your confidence a bit. I know it's tough, I'm a bit of an introvert but I'm working on it. Keep your head up dude, you'll get there. 2
Phoe Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 If you want to avoid her, then yes, just avoid her. I did give you advice. 1
DArtagnan2 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I agree dude, she was messing around. I do it, seen it done, etc. I get though how you may have taken it. Given your living situation and other things that may surround that. Her frown was because of the situation that happened, she probably feels bad because she didn't think you would take her seriously, and is sad you aren't talking to her. Go talk to her, man. Work this out.
Notsure_9 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Talk to her explain why you got upset and then let it go. IMO she was flirting with you some people have that type of joking teasing personality I know I do. If I mess with you I like you! Her frowning I'm sure was because of your reaction she might have gotten hurt from that. Good luck
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Ryan, just take what you need from the advice given and ignore what doesn't help you. Fact is, this girl is the least of your problems. Until you work on your self-esteem, you're going to continue self-sabotaging. Why do you think you have issues with how you see yourself? Have you always been this way or is it because you're just having a momentary dip in your life? 1
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