jasmine_100 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 months. In the start of the relationship we established that we both weren't going to discuss our pasts unless they were in some way relevant to our present. As a result of this he told me that he had been married before, but things ended, and he is no longer in touch or in love with that woman. I told him how I was in touch with an ex-bf, and we both thought it was okay to be mature about that as long as my ex-bf wasn't crossing any boundaries. Two months into our relationship my bf told me about this "good friend from work" and I noticed how they would hangout often, would frequently call/text each other. As I wanted to know more about their relationship, my bf told me that this was in fact his ex-gf, but he told me she was a good friend because he thought their relationship was completely meaningless in the past, and therefore didn't even view her as a ex-gf. This girl started some facebook drama, and it was evident that she still had feelings for my boyfriend, although my boyfriend claimed to shut her down. Fast forward to now, their relationship makes me extremely uncomfortable. My bf tells me that the reason he is on such good terms is because he has completely moved on from the past, and she's meaningless. I said that if she indeed is meaningless then you should have no problem cutting her out of your life. He said he would cut her out, but then realized that this would create problems at work for him. He has thus told me that he isn't going to cut her off, but will keep their relationship extremely open with me. He doesn't hang out with her outside of work anymore, but they do stay in touch regularly via text/telephone. I don't know what to make of this. This issue keeps bothering me, and I feel like I won't be satisfied until he COMPLETELY stops talking to her. Am I in the wrong? Edited May 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author jasmine_100 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Also.. I cut off ties with my ex-bf shortly after I realized my relationship was getting with my current boyfriend. It's not like I'm expecting him to cut her out only because I did the same, BUT it concerns me whether he's keeping her in his life because she IS really that meaningless or because he wants to keep her around and is making up work-related excuses.
HappyLove Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) I don't think you're wrong. These people do not share a child there is no good reason for him to be texting and talking to his ex! It's disrespectful to you. He's playing the dummy role by pretending there's nothing there when he KNOWS this girl still wants him. She even started drama over it! If they work together they should have a work relationship from the time he clocks in until he clocks out and that's it! Think about it, how many people need to keep in contact with a coworker after work hours? Unless he's a CEO or surgeon on call. I think he's making up excuses. Edited May 12, 2014 by HappyLove 1
ktya Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Hmm.. Reminds me of a situation I was in. There was this friend I knew for years and one very hot night we ended up having mad unforgettable sex for 6 hours straight. I'm an open honest person and she appeared and I later told my girlfriend about what had happened but reassured her that we were just friends. The girl had totally moved on was living with her boyfriend. But if I talked to her or was going to be within range of her that girlfriend of mine made sure she was within earshot and watching with eagle eyes. It drove me insane. Here I'd known this girl for 7 years before I had ever met my girlfriend and she was trying to carve her out of my life entirely. It really depends on the nature of their relationship and HIS actions rather than hers. I wish that we could be friends with all of our serious exes. Why we're supposed to carve them out of our lives because the romance didnt work out is a concept that is beyond me. There was something good enough about them that we fell in love with them in the first place. Sometimes that just isnt going to be possible given the conditions of the breakup but not all breakups are bad like that. Ironically, the exes of your partner are people you would mostly likely get along great with because they are probably similar to you in many ways - if you didnt know that they were your partner's ex you probably would make great friends.
seeker1984 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 He's not honoring you or the relationship he shares with you. He might not have feelings for her but i believe he likes the attention....if he can't go without taking to her....it will hurt but wall away let her have him....you can do alot better than a man who didn't honor you...men like that are a dime a dozen, before a guy reading this jumps my ass yes girls like that are a dime a dozen aswell........find someone who honors you
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Red flag to me was when he chose not to tell you it was his ex-gf that he was friends with. If it was all so meaningless, why not offer up that information? I have to wonder if he left that part out because he didn't want you to freak and then sabotage his need to talk to her. I think he likes the attention he gets from her, especially knowing that she is emotional about him. The thing is, if she means nothing and you/relationship means everything, he will/should instill boundaries to prioritize you/relationship. And if they work together, then communication should tie into work and nothing outside of that. There is no need to be buddies. And if she is so meaningless, how is she a good friend?
bluegreen Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Agree its harder finding people with your own values for sure but its twice as hard bumping your head on wall cause of issues like this ... 1
Joaquin Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 When someone has moved on they have absolutely no problem cutting an ex loose. Simple as that. When an ex texts or calls I ignore it when I'm in relationship building mode. Why? Because I have no interest in them anymore, but more importantly, I don't want to risk some blast from the past screwing things up with pointless crap. 2
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