Breaking up with divorced mom!

[max3]

Background:

We have been going out for 6 months and we live together. We are in our mid 20's. She use to take antidepressants for 2 years and weaned her self off about 1 month ago.

 

She is not the same lady I met. She says it is because of the weaning of meds that makes her happy one minute and sad the next minute sometimes. She is extremely moody and cries alot because she always over thinks about stuff like her son and how she only sees him on the weekends.

 

She got really mad at me this weekend for a minor thing because the closest had some clothes that were not folded correctly. She told me to get out, go away and I am the problem of the relationship and she could not live with me because I was too sloppy. She is almost OCD about cleaning.I didnt talk to her for about 10 hours and walked outside. After she said that I knew I needed to break up with her.

 

The breakup: I was planning on breaking up with her that night when her son went to bed. I didnt tell her anything about it and I was ready to execute it and take all my stuff and tell her shes too good for me. She apologized to me after she got drunk that night and clinged on too me and was sucking up too me.

 

Im too nice of a guy, so I didnt break up with her that night. I told myself i would give her another chance. The next day I had feelings of still breaking up with her but I didnt say anything. I noticed that i have these thoughts in my head saying, "Break up with her", "you dont deserve to be treated like this". I am not attracted to her anymore because i cant live with her mood swings.

 

The next night I was eating dinner and she slammed the door on me for no reason and ran to her closet. I asked her what was wrong. She had a moodswing because it was mothers day and she felt bad about being a bad mom. She started crying and i had to comfort her. She always cries and i comfort her all the time and it happens at least once every week and it takes the whole night to make her stop crying. I dont deserve this, I didnt do anything to make her cry.

 

I knew in my head i should of broken up with her the previous night. Because she had a fight with me again the next day. She can read my mind pretty good with out me telling her anything. She had a thought that I was going to break up with her and how she was a burden to me because I put up with her crap. She said I hope and pray that you dont walk out on me one day this week.

 

I am off one day this week while she will be at work. I want to pack all my things and leave her a note saying, We can always be good best friends, but I need my time to my self. I will always be there for you when she needs me. ( I really mean this) She is suicidal at some times and tells me.

 

I feel bad for planning to break up with her because i love her son and he will miss me. He has a good dad though and only sees me on the weekends anyways.

 

SUMMARY: Im breaking up with her because i cant live with her mood swings and how she puts me down. She is controlling also and always cries over little things and it hurts me when she is sad. I know I will be much better off alone.

 

What should I do? Whats the easiest way to break up with her this week? I know she wont change.

Edited May 12, 2014 by max3

[Strength in Healing]

Sad situation my friend. I feel for you. Dated a mentally unstable, emotionally abusive girl in her 20's for 4 years who had a son.

 

I would tell her to her face about the breakup. Pack all your stuff first though while she's gone, then tell her if you're sure it won't work out. It's going to be hard either way, no matter what.

[Zahara]

I think it would be a good idea to pack all your things and move them out when she isn't there. Once all that is done, then you tell her face to face that you are ending it with her. You have to be strong in your resolve though, because she is going to cry, threaten suicide, the works. If she does threaten suicide, call her parents/friends/911. She may use that as leverage for you to stay, or she may mean it so make it known to her that you will report it.

[max3]

Thanks.

 

I will break it off with her this weekend, so she wont be so sad at work. (Even though i want to break up with her now i care about her and I dont want her to be sad at work.

[Zahara]

Thanks.

 

I will break it off with her this weekend, so she wont be so sad at work. (Even though i want to break up with her now i care about her and I dont want her to be sad at work.

 

How is a day or two going to help relieve her sadness? If you do it on Saturday, she will still be sad on Monday. A day isn't going to lessen her emotions.

 

If you want to do it over the weekend, make sure your things are out before you do it.

[mammasita]

Whats the lesson we learn from this kids?

 

Don't move in with someone you've only been dating for < 6 months (trust me, I've made the mistake at least 3 times).

 

Bottom line, there's no good time to do this. She doesn't sound like she's gonna take well no matter what.

[max3]

Thanks mamasita, but we use to date 10 years ago in highschool puppylove. Back then she didnt have a kid and didnt have problems either though.

[mammasita]

Thanks mamasita, but we use to date 10 years ago in highschool puppylove. Back then she didnt have a kid and didnt have problems either though.

Ok, but you're completely different people now and you just said it yourself, she didn't have the problems then that she does now. Had you taken time and dated and not jumped into a house together......this might not be the huge blowout that you're facing.

[Zahara]

Thanks mamasita, but we use to date 10 years ago in highschool puppylove. Back then she didnt have a kid and didnt have problems either though.

 

Much has changed from highschool puppylove to you both now being grown adults, your soon to be ex having been married, divorced and with a child. You even said she has been on anti-depressants and only weaned herself off a month ago. So, much has changed.

[oldshirt]

This is very important, read this very closely-

 

She is going to try to get pregnant.

 

When she catches on the ax is coming down she is going to do a 180 and be all nice and loving and suddenly all horny and seductive and she is going to try to ride you like a stolen horse..DON'T DO IT!!!

 

This is a very standard practice crazy chicks use to sucker in nice, naive men to get them to take care of them and help raise other men's children.

 

As she is bat-$hit crazy, it is even possible she will screw another man to get knocked up and pin the child support on you.

 

Keep your sperm as far away from her as possible.

 

If she does get pregnant during this break up, get a court ordered paternity test ASAP.

 

This chick is crazy and desperate and may try anything. You may be inclined to think it's because she loves you but it's not that. It is the support and security and stability that she is desperate to hold on to.

[oldshirt]

When she catches on the ax is coming down she is going to do a 180 and be all n

This chick is crazy and desperate and may try anything. You may be inclined to think it's because she loves you but it's not that. It is the support and security and stability that she is desperate to hold on to.

 

Which brings up up to the inevitable threats of suicide and harm to you and the kids etc that she is going to hurl around.

 

This is pure manipulation to control you. If you give in one inch, it will give her power and motivation to escalate. If she threatens to harm herself or anyone else in any matter, keep packing your bags and call 911.

 

It is not your place to determine if she will actually cause harm or not. It is only your job to report the threat to the authorities. It is their job and the job of the doctor to determine the validity of the threat.

 

If you cave in to her threats, manipulations and seductions, things will only get worse and escalate.

[oldshirt]

And lastly, I agree with the other posters in that there is no good day to do this. She will freak and cause issues no matter when you do it.

 

I would even reccommend considering contacting a lawyer and discussing some of this stuff in advance and making plans for dealing with any legal issues such as if your name is on any of the lease or utilities, if you are listed as an emergency contact for the child, how to deal with the threats.

 

As she is crazy and taking herself off meds without doctor supervision, child protective services may have an interest in this case and she is crazy enough she may even try to falsely accuse you of abuse or child molestation etc.

 

She is a loose cannon and not a nice person, anything could happen and since she's a mean spirited crazy person, your mind doesn't think like hers and you won't be able to predict what she may do.

[Damaged217]

I would do like others have suggested and have all of your things moved out while she is away and then break up in person. Just because she is mentally unstable, you might want to think about doing this in a public place. That way you will have witnesses if she decides to flip sh*t.

 

Honestly, I would make this a clean break. I wouldn't tell her that you'll be there for her if she needs you because she is going to be "needing" you a lot and making up excuses to see you. People like her are emotionally draining and you don't need that in your life. I know you care about her, but in all reality, what can you do for her? This chick needs psychological help.

 

I dated someone for 4 years who was mentally unstable and I hate myself for wasting the best years of my life on that guy. And he pulled the suicidal crap on me and he guilted me into "being there" for him for a long time. I have a feeling this girl would do the same. So just end it and go no contact.

[mrs rubble]

Thanks mamasita, but we use to date 10 years ago in highschool puppylove. Back then she didnt have a kid and didnt have problems either though.

How incredibly sad, you said that she only has her son on weekend's now too. That must be terribly depressing for her.

She must have gone through emotional hell to wind up acting the way she is now.

I hope she never reads this thread, where a load of complete strangers are calling her bat **** crazy and likely to make accusations and trap the OP by pregnancy! What a load of bull. Not all depressed people are evil, most are just incredibly sad.

 

I hope you are kind in splitting up with her and find a nice new girlfriend with PBA free bowls, who likes to eat inside vs outside and doesn't mind a mess in the closet.

[Tressugar]

That's what I was going to say about the possible pregnancy. If she knows you're on your way out she'll try to get pregnant. Trust me on this one.

 

Did she ever tell you why she got divorced and why she only gets her kid on the weekends? Usually mothers are awarded primary custody.

 

The answers could be telling.

Edited May 13, 2014 by Tressugar

[luvshaq]

Do you wanna be her next ex-husband?

 

 

She's not the same person you met because you've only been going out 6 months. The honeymoon phase might be wearing off.

 

 

Being divorced in your 20's should be a red flag. Not a deal breaker, but it raises some questions. Why did she get divorced so early? Did she tell you the whole story or just her side of the story?

 

 

Why did a judge think it was best for her to only have her son on weekends?

 

 

Seems like she has a lot of baggage for a 6-month relationship. Her ex couldn't handle it, a judge thought the father would be a more suitable parent.