Red123 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I coming up to the 7 month mark since dday. I'm about 5 months away from my wedding anniversary. I dont plan on ever celebrating that day again. Even though things are going well in R, that date just no longer has any meaning to me. I am in a similar timeline to you. I am almost at 6 months post Dday and our 18th anniversary is coming up on July 1. I am really struggling with this because I feel this past year has been nothing to celebrate so technically we didn't move past 17 years. I am unsure whether or not I will celebrate with him as we are in R. He would like to not forget all of the years together and look at this anniversary as celebrating the good changes that have come. I'm on the fence because things are better now but clouded with the pain of the A. He says its my choice but I just don't know. Do you think you will celebrate your anniversary if things are good closer to the date?
Spark1111 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 happily, happily reconciled and I no longer celebrate that day, or wear those rings. I celebrate the day we started our reconciliation. I made it clear I could not celebrate the original day from the very beginning because it did feel like a lie to me. We have new rings that have sentimental meaning to both of us. It's okay to feel this way, but you have to tell her how you feel and why you feel that way and stick to it until your feelings on the topic are respected, KWIM? Don't fester. Verbalize and make another plan. 1
painfullyobvious Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I think you need to get some of this cynicism off your chest and talk with your wife about your feelings. I understand your feelings but after thirteen years there should be more of reconnection process. I don't think you ever reconciled or forgave your wife. I understand that but why stay married if you feel that way. You were screwed over I get that. Perhaps you should seek individual counseling to address this stuff you still harbor. You're. Sounds you like you are not happy
compulsivedancer Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I think you need to get some of this cynicism off your chest and talk with your wife about your feelings. I understand your feelings but after thirteen years there should be more of reconnection process. I don't think you ever reconciled or forgave your wife. I understand that but why stay married if you feel that way. You were screwed over I get that. Perhaps you should seek individual counseling to address this stuff you still harbor. You're. Sounds you like you are not happy He stayed married to punish her. He thinks divorce is a reward. I hope she realizes her marriage is a sham and has been ever since her A. It's sad. No remorse, no reconciliation. Just selfish people on both sides doing selfish things. That's what I get from the other posts in this thread. Hopefully he's just in a cynical mood and doesn't always feel this way.
Spark1111 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 The stats according to infidelity guru, Dr. Shirley Glass: 95% of BS will take back a cheating spouse after an affair because they love them and want to fix the marriage. Five years later, those WS who ended all contact with the AP, truthfully answered all questions in regard to the affair when asked, and went to both IC and MC, remorseful and committed to finding what needs led them to cheat and lie.....87% were happily reconciled. Of those WSs who trickle-truthed, rug-swept, did not become pro-active in introspecting their "why's" or blamed the spouse, or did NOT become fully accountable or remorseful for their betrayal.... Only 57% were still together five years later. telling, no? It is less the affair than how its aftermath is handled that predicts a successful reconciliation and future happiness in a marital relationship after infidelity. 1
Fluttershy Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 The stats according to infidelity guru, Dr. Shirley Glass: 95% of BS will take back a cheating spouse after an affair because they love them and want to fix the marriage. Five years later, those WS who ended all contact with the AP, truthfully answered all questions in regard to the affair when asked, and went to both IC and MC, remorseful and committed to finding what needs led them to cheat and lie.....87% were happily reconciled. Of those WSs who trickle-truthed, rug-swept, did not become pro-active in introspecting their "why's" or blamed the spouse, or did NOT become fully accountable or remorseful for their betrayal.... Only 57% were still together five years later. telling, no? It is less the affair than how its aftermath is handled that predicts a successful reconciliation and future happiness in a marital relationship after infidelity. I woul say BS who punished, never forgave, became entitled and used the A as end all also probably contributed to failed R or miserable marriages. R takes two.
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