Haydn Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Yes but who says `Yes i am a cheater` If your date asked you this and you said `no`, she would automatically believe you? Do me a favour! QUOTE=enigma32;5696926]Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior. With this in mind, a potential partner may want to know if you're the type of person that cheats on people before they consider you for anything serious. I don't date women who cheat on the guys they are with.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I meant that it was rude to ask. I have never been asked this question. But maybe i have never been on a first date as it is put. I have always met girls in social situations. The question have you ever cheated was never considered by me. But i do see your points. Oh my bad, dude. I have been asked a few times if I have ever cheated. I don't believe it was a first date though. The fact someone could think I would cheat in the first place gives me pause for concern for a couple of reasons. If you knew me, you wouldn't need to ask, ya know?
Andy_K Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 So when asked. Your reply? "No, never have. And I'm 30 now, so I figure if I've made it this far without doing it, it shouldn't be too hard to maintain that." Although it's a pretty easy question to answer when your answer is no. But... Perhaps that's the point? Question for the girls, which of the following would make you least likely to want to see a guy again? A) he refuses to answer whether he's cheated or not B) he says he has, and explains the circumstances 1
PegNosePete Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 If you're a cheater, as we all know, you're an expert liar and deceiver. So it would be quite easy for a cheater to simply answer "no" to this question. Hence the question is kinda pointless, isn't it? A cheater would say "no", and an honest person would say "no". From that answer how do you know if they're a cheater or not? Maybe the question should be... "if I asked you whether you're a cheater or not, would you answer 'no'?" A trustful person would truthfully answer "yes" whereas a dedicated liar would have to say "no".
soccerrprp Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I'm not currently dating anyone, but I've had people I've been on the first date our a couple dates with ask point blank if i have ever cheated on someone....I'll admit i have with my last serious ex when i knew he was planning to dump me i did have sex with someone else, which i never told him....it was wrong...but when I'm asked that do i need to rehash my post? I've never asked anyone if they have cheated, i don't think ours any of my business. What do you guys think? Interesting. My serious gf, someone that I have known for 2+ years and will ask to marry me soon, JUST asked me this same question. My take on this is thus... Your past isn't any of their business unless it interferes with your present and future. I don't ask about past sexual partners, cheating b/c you potentially open up a can of worms and visuals that you did not intend nor want and for me it is mostly irrelevant, unless, again, it has the potential of affecting the present, future. The only reason why people would ask such questions is b/c they are insecure about the prospect of being cheated on. Probably have been in the past, or, interestingly enough, did the cheating. They are seeking some kind of "clarity", but this is only helpful if when asked, the person is truthful. I wonder what my gf would have said if I told her that I had cheated on a gf or wife in the past??? Hmmm...... 2
Chocolat Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I think this is a relevant question but one I'd probably pose on date 3 or so, rather than date 1. If I was asked this on date 1, I would answer but I'd also likely think that the other person had trust issues which might be a red (orange?) flag for me.
soccerrprp Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I think this is a relevant question but one I'd probably pose on date 3 or so, rather than date 1. If I was asked this on date 1, I would answer but I'd also likely think that the other person had trust issues which might be a red (orange?) flag for me. But why? If someone asked you this question AND you had, would you tell him/her the truth? I am not entirely certain what the person asking is trying to accomplish. If the other person had, it is likely that they may lie and tell you that he/she hadn't anyway. Again, my beautiful, some-what insecure gf just asked me this the other day and when asked, I was baffled. What if I said YES? Would she end our relationship over it? Would she become even more insecure?
Chocolat Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 But why? If someone asked you this question AND you had, would you tell him/her the truth? I am not entirely certain what the person asking is trying to accomplish. If the other person had, it is likely that they may lie and tell you that he/she hadn't anyway. Again, my beautiful, some-what insecure gf just asked me this the other day and when asked, I was baffled. What if I said YES? Would she end our relationship over it? Would she become even more insecure? I was responding as the askee, not the asker. As I have never cheated, it is an easy question although, as I noted, I would be taken aback if someone asked me this on a first date. I am not sure this is a question I would ever ask, in part because I agree with your hypothesis that those who have cheated may not tell the truth but also because I think there are other ways to get this information. IME, at some point in the R there is a time for discussing past Rs and this is when people generally reveal important details of those Rs.
Giggle Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I have been cheated on, but I can't imagine just asking that. And to expect a truthful answer? Really? From my stbx, as I know him now, I could expect a convuluted story though a straight out no wouldn't surprise me either. From my ex that did cheat, there is no way he'd be truthful.. Though I really don't think he thinks of it that way. His mind would go ..we were already over, so it wasn't cheating. Pretty sure it wasn't just the one girl/time either It didn't jade me to being insecure and paranoid about it. To ask on a first date, wow, yeah i'd suspect they have serious issues with it.
Teraskas Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 Having been cheated on twice, I would certainly respond honestly to this question. However, I would reserve for such a topic to be discussed later on than simply outright on a first date, heh.
MissBee Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I cheated and been cheated on. Been 8 years but still I cheated. Could I do it again? Sure. Do I think I will? Not a chance in hell. People who cheat do not deserve anything but we are no different to people who have made mistakes and need a second chance. To ask this question on a first date takes the tiny amount of trust that you just started to build and smashed it with a hammer. I would run a mile because that shows serious doubt and insecurity. People who have been cheated on are the victims but the person who cheated on you is not the person you are on a first date with, they deserve a clean slate not be given a label because they are the same sex. There is no trust on a first date. You don't know this person. Hence you asking questions and learning about them and their values....those questions and what you feel about their response is what builds trust. In any event asking someone this doesn't mean one is angry, insecure or treating you like some other person. But the good thing is that everyone's response, both the person asking and being asked, works out. The people who find it offensive most likely don't need to be dating the person asking and vice versa...so it fortunately works out. 1
Author seeker1984 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 I don't think my past is their business
Author seeker1984 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Its just a question i asked, you guys gotta stop taking my post personally, its pathetic...you don't even know me, or i know you.....so chill...and no I'm not sorry i cheated one but...he cheated on me with his more fiancee.....and treated me like ****....so I'm sorry if Susie or Bobby stuck it to someone else when you were dating but rule number one you picked a bad person to love.....you knew they were shady....cheating doesn't cone out of no....so stop playing the victim ****
pteromom Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Exactly... once a cheater always a cheater. I hate to say it but the stereotype is true. There are certain people that are capable of that kind of thing and there are those that are not. I don't care what the circumstances are or were, it's a major character flaw to me. You wanna **** someone else? Have the balls to break it off with your SO before hand. It's telling of what a person is capable of. Can't wait to see the poopstorm that befalls me here. Nah, this just isn't true. I cheated on a bf when I was younger. I felt horrible about it; I learned from it; I've never done it again. I would never cheat on my husband. I've learned as I have gotten older and wiser that infidelity isn't really about cheating on the other person - it's about cheating on yourself. Cheating out your own integrity. It's not worth it. I didn't have that insight when I was younger. It was more like "Boyfriend make me feel bad. This guy make me feel good. Follow good feeling." A very immature way of thinking. And yes, if I were ever to date and someone asked me, I would tell them the truth. Because the whole point is building a relationship with someone who connects with me. Not who connects with only the parts of me I am brave enough to show them.
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