MoveAlong Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Hi everyone, I haven't been on the forums since January, and wanted to update you guys on how I am doing. First of all, I survived...thank you all! Second, things really did get better...I am in great shape...I got an awesome job offer...and am really looking forward to the future. I still think about her...and we have talked a few times over the phone. No contact was definitely the way to go for the first couple months. I broke nc when I was finally ready. Call me foolish, but I am a closure kind of person. Anyways, it doesn't really hurt anymore...and I don't really understand anything better, but I've become a better me. This last week has been very strange because I am thinking about her more often. I have no idea why...and it doesn't really hurt or make me sad. I can't get her out of my head. I'm not thinking about getting back together or anything...so I can't comprehend why this is happening. Anyways, I was about to go to bed, and thought I'd come on here to share my thoughts, since this forum helped me so much. 1
inlin Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Your thinking about her because you are talking to her and broke NC. You failed it my friend. Go NC and dont look back...
cavalier99 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) Your thinking about her because you are talking to her and broke NC. You failed it my friend. Go NC and dont look back... Meh. I dont think he failed. I remember getting to the point at 5 or 6 months NC were i was still thinking of her a lot but it didnt hurt. After months of suffering and doing everything i could not to think of her..it was sort of cool to be able to test the waters and let my mind wander to the RS without feeling pain. Then i started to become really indifferent and stopped thinking of her. Now we hang out like buddies on occasion and talk about out new relationships ecetera. Hers isnt going to well by the way. But i dont get any satisfaction out of this even though it is the guy she left me for. l hope they fix thier problems. I do agree however that the safest and fastest way is a least 7 months pure PURE NC. Cav Edited May 12, 2014 by cavalier99 4
anemptycup Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 hey man - i feel you - i'm nearly 5 months - i'm at the stage where i feel numb... very rarely do i feel sad like crying... or angry.... i don't feel pain - or maybe i have grown so numb to it... i dont feel it anymore... she wants to get back together again - but i know it won't work out - i can't get over her moving on with other guys so quickly after us... and i don't trust her anymore.... it hurts knowing that what was once so awesome was ruined by the both of us in our own ways... contact was broken several times along the way - but for the most part - it was zero contact... she contacted me a month ago and it lead to a long conversation which felt great for me because she vented about not doing so well.. and how her life is basically **** now.. i know that i could have gotten back together with her that night - but.. instead told her the most important thing in my life now is my quest for self love and self acceptance - i want to build myself up.. and while i miss being with her so much - i know she's not ready - she spent the last 4 months dating, partying... having "fun" and now she's suffering because it has led her no where... probably had bad rebound relationships.... whereas, i have spent each day suffering and reflecting and trying to strengthen myself from the ground up... she doesn't deserve anything from me... she's her own person now - nothing to do with me.. and i told her she needs to work on herself without contacting me - i will only respond to her now if she comes back begging for another chance to make this work... nothing less than that. it's been one helloav a painful road this last few months - and i'm still by no means out of the woods... i started my NC over AGAIN for the 3rd tiem a month ago... but finally have learned that it does need plenty of time of NC... good luck to you all!
David87 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Your thinking about her because you are talking to her and broke NC. You failed it my friend. Go NC and dont look back... Op you didn't failed, the worst part is over. I'm glad to hear that you are much better now. Keep up the good work. 1
Michael 93 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 hey man - i feel you - i'm nearly 5 months - i'm at the stage where i feel numb... very rarely do i feel sad like crying... or angry.... i don't feel pain - or maybe i have grown so numb to it... i dont feel it anymore... she wants to get back together again - but i know it won't work out - i can't get over her moving on with other guys so quickly after us... and i don't trust her anymore.... it hurts knowing that what was once so awesome was ruined by the both of us in our own ways... contact was broken several times along the way - but for the most part - it was zero contact... she contacted me a month ago and it lead to a long conversation which felt great for me because she vented about not doing so well.. and how her life is basically **** now.. i know that i could have gotten back together with her that night - but.. instead told her the most important thing in my life now is my quest for self love and self acceptance - i want to build myself up.. and while i miss being with her so much - i know she's not ready - she spent the last 4 months dating, partying... having "fun" and now she's suffering because it has led her no where... probably had bad rebound relationships.... whereas, i have spent each day suffering and reflecting and trying to strengthen myself from the ground up... she doesn't deserve anything from me... she's her own person now - nothing to do with me.. and i told her she needs to work on herself without contacting me - i will only respond to her now if she comes back begging for another chance to make this work... nothing less than that. it's been one helloav a painful road this last few months - and i'm still by no means out of the woods... i started my NC over AGAIN for the 3rd tiem a month ago... but finally have learned that it does need plenty of time of NC... good luck to you all! @anemptycup Hey man, Was you expecting her to call? Id love to be in the position where I can turn a blind eye to her calling and feeling nothing.. That's great progress from you. Was you in NC when she called? Did she go above and beyond to reach out?
FredJones80 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 and while i miss being with her so much - i know she's not ready - she spent the last 4 months dating, partying... having "fun" and now she's suffering because it has led her no where... probably had bad rebound relationships.... whereas, i have spent each day suffering and reflecting and trying to strengthen myself from the ground up... That's such an amazing story. I feel sorry for your ex, she left something good for someone else and it turned out bad. It's like Karma. It's true what you say though, all these people who move on haven't had time to process by being single. Taking their negative baggage straight with them. Sad, but such is life.
greenbee81 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Be strong friend! For me, going NC has helped greatly, day by day I'm starting to feel normal and regaining my energy. No contact completely is the best route, maybe everyone is different and some could cope with communication, I opted for permanent NC. Blocked numbers and emails. 1
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