Chatmonkey Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 So me and my gf broke up probs about 7 months ago by now. I've never really had many female friends, mostly guys (it didn't help that my parents sent me to an all boys school my whole life!) and I am also a bit of an introvert. Not to say I can't present myself well in social situations, I can. I am a physically fit good looking guy, but have never been good at 'playing the game' as one of my friends so kindly put it... haha One of the things i liked about being in a relationship is that i didnt have to chase women like i used to and now i can't stand being in that situation again. but hey that's life eh. Anyway, I'm an aussie and I'm in the US and all the ladies love the accent, however I still don't have any lady friends. I mean i've had one or two hook ups and chatted with a few girls, but i've never followed up on them. I often find myself at home each night with nothing to do and for once i'd just like to have some friends that weren't guys.. The answer to this will probably be keep going out and trying to talk to people, but does anyone have any tips from experience in a similar situation that worked for them in terms of getting out and meeting new people?
ja123 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Something structured around an activity might be helpful. There's volunteering, guy-girl sports groups, etc. You could also check out meetup.com
CC12 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 The answer to this will probably be keep going out and trying to talk to people, but does anyone have any tips from experience in a similar situation that worked for them in terms of getting out and meeting new people? So you're a physically fit, 21-year-old guy with an Australian accent? Yes, the answer is to keep going out and talking to people. Jesus, the social scene should be your playground. Everyone loves a cute foreigner. If you're not going out and meeting new people, you're wasting a great opportunity. Do you go to bars/nightclubs? Also I wonder if it would help if you stopped trying to "play the game" and "chase women" and just interacted with women as if you were simply interested in getting to know them as a person and maybe being friends. 3
Author Chatmonkey Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 So you're a physically fit, 21-year-old guy with an Australian accent? Yes, the answer is to keep going out and talking to people. Jesus, the social scene should be your playground. Everyone loves a cute foreigner. If you're not going out and meeting new people, you're wasting a great opportunity. Do you go to bars/nightclubs? Also I wonder if it would help if you stopped trying to "play the game" and "chase women" and just interacted with women as if you were simply interested in getting to know them as a person and maybe being friends. i know you are right in everything you said. I do go to bars/clubs occasionally. I actually went out by myself tonight since no friends wanted to go, didnt really get to talking to anyone though as everyone seemed to be in groups. I just can't shake the feeling though that everytime i approach them they know (or at least think they know) the intention behind it.
CC12 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I just can't shake the feeling though that everytime i approach them they know (or at least think they know) the intention behind it. So don't have any intention behind it and just try to make friends. Does every female interaction have to be a means to an end? 1
Author Chatmonkey Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 So don't have any intention behind it and just try to make friends. Does every female interaction have to be a means to an end? guess there is no way around this. I've just gotta change my mind set and keep approaching.. Cheers CC
littleplanet Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Well, you still have a foreign land to deal with....whatever that means. Tossing aside the painfully shy and insecure - doesn't sound like you - I'd say there are a lot of women out there who don't like the "game" either. So find some to have real conversations with. 7months is a good breather. No rebounds. Take off the pressure and just relax. Time is on your side, and all of that. "Intention" doesn't have to be a big neon sign hanging over your head. You had a gf......you know how that works. Even relaxing and hanging with your buds - depending on what you like to do - if you end up in places where women are, then that's one way to meet them.
SoleMate Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Bars may not be the best place for you. I suggest group activities and places where the pressure is less and the ratio is more in your favor. Maybe volunteering for animals, youth leagues, civic activities, cooking classes, etc. Gardening. What are your interests? Just spend time on the ones that are coed or better yet, female-heavy. There's no shame in wanting to get to know women your age better with the possibility of either friendship or maybe something more down the road. Women actually want that too....there are plenty of introverted women who would love to get to know you! They just don't want to be coldly hunted down like a deer in a hunter's rifle sight. So, friends first, and make that a sincere friendship. Also works to get to know women of all ages, as many of them have daughters or granddaughters who would be just perfect for you.
namastemeow Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 i know you are right in everything you said. I do go to bars/clubs occasionally. I actually went out by myself tonight since no friends wanted to go, didnt really get to talking to anyone though as everyone seemed to be in groups. I just can't shake the feeling though that everytime i approach them they know (or at least think they know) the intention behind it. wow if you were here i would go with you. i am introvert too so i dont have that many friends. we'll be awkward together lol
Baller25 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 (edited) does anyone have any tips from experience in a similar situation that worked for them in terms of getting out and meeting new people? I'm 25 and when I was 21, fresh out of university, I was in a similar situation, ex-gf and foreign country included. I'll be honest, it took around 2 years before life turned out the way I hoped. For starters you need to man up, really. You can still be a little insane, delusional and a bit of a degenerate but the important thing is to be more mature but also see the humour in things. The fact that your attractive but not attracting any girls almost definitely means that you come off as being boring, boyish and desperate — trust me, women can sense desperation a mile away and it stinks just as bad as the homeless guy you passed by on the way to work. In a similar situation to you, I'm an American living in the UK and when British girls hear my accent they usually get intrigued so I have my way of taking advantage of that. Guys here (both in the UK and all of Europe) are usually dull as hell and relatively childlike so I amp up the funny and try to act like Cary Grant, along with the confidence and energy that only an American pull off. As I'm looking at my keyboard I noticed my shoes so I thought I'd mention that I always wear tan or black brogue shoes that are wax polished and as crisp as the pocket square in my jacket — again something that makes me stand out, especially in the UK where most guys dress like they're still in their pre-teens. Try to dress good enough that when your at an upmarket department store other customers mistake you for being a salesman. In the US most guys usually lack a sense of world-travel, foreign culture and dress as bad as the guys over here. As an Australian you could try to tap into that while a girl is intrigued by your accent and in that 'mystery moment'. Also drop the 'chasing girls' attitude, women actually prefer doing the chasing. She thinks she's seen it all, so show her that she hasn't. Edited May 21, 2014 by Baller25
jonsnuh Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 In a similar situation to you, I'm an American living in the UK and when British girls hear my accent they usually get intrigued so I have my way of taking advantage of that. Guys here (both in the UK and all of Europe) are usually dull as hell and relatively childlike so I amp up the funny and try to act like Cary Grant, along with the confidence and energy that only an American pull off. As I'm looking at my keyboard I noticed my shoes so I thought I'd mention that I always wear tan or black brogue shoes that are wax polished and as crisp as the pocket square in my jacket — again something that makes me stand out, especially in the UK where most guys dress like they're still in their pre-teens. Try to dress good enough that when your at an upmarket department store other customers mistake you for being a salesman. What, chelsea boots too girly for you?
Recommended Posts