TheyCallMeOx Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) This might be kind of lengthy, so I apologize in advance. In my previous relationship, I went through a "honeymoon stage." I felt a lot of confidence, gave up my friends so that I could spend more time with her, etc. I fell head over heels for this woman and I believed, without a shadow of a doubt, that we were going to be together forever. I felt a connection with her, I was madly in love, etc. 2.5 years later from the first date (first day I fell in love with her), she broke up with me. The break up obviously was a huge setback because I didn't anticipate something like that to happen. She was my "first love," so I really didn't know any better. When I analyzed what went wrong and all those questions to help, I realized that I was completely oblivious to my surroundings. Since the breakup, I've learned to be more aware of my surroundings. Some of you might already know where this is going... Well...I've been talking to a woman for about a week. We have had 3-5 hour long phone conversations. We have the same kind of philosophies when it comes to relationships and life. Based on her life experiences and her imperfections, I really feel like her and I could really understand each other. We have differences, but she doesn't have any of my deal breakers. With our differences, we don't judge each other. She may not like video games like I do, but that doesn't mean she's not willing to watch me play them. She likes different tv shows than I do, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to cuddle up with her and watch the show with her. Well, we actually fell in love with each other before the first date. We were already saying "I love you" and calling each other pet names before the first date. Some people may say "that's adorable" but other people may say "that **** cray," and that's fine too. Needless to say, the night of our first date...I told her I wanted to be her boyfriend. I deleted my dating profiles, changed my information to indicate I'm no longer single, and everything else. However...I really don't feel like I'm going through that "honeymoon stage." I do love her. I can't wait to talk to her, and I always enjoy talking to her. I also like to touch her, kiss her, etc. I don't know her on a deeper level and I know that we kind of...rushed the **** out of things, but I do feel like she's the kind of woman that I need in my life and things could improve. However, I don't know how long the relationship is going to last. I don't have that sort of confidence because, I guess, I learned that confidence can make or break you. Now that she's my girlfriend, I really don't feel a whole lot different. I want to spend time with her and know that I can't pursue women romantically/sexually anymore, but I don't have jealousy or any of those feelings. I'm not curious about what she's doing at every moment of the day, I don't feel like she's doing anything behind my back, or anything like that. The things I used to worry about in a relationship, I don't worry about anymore. I don't know if that's the result of heartbreak, or what. At this point in time, I don't know what I'm experiencing. The reason why I'm bringing it up is because my family doesn't even know, and before I face the interrogation room, I want to be sure I can answer their questions without not being sure of my answer. Can someone help me clarify what's going on? How did you feel when you fell in love again? Was it not love but something else? Edited May 11, 2014 by TheyCallMeOx
todreaminblue Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) what questions do you feel they are going to ask....... that its too fast to know you care......but you do and you cant explain why ...you just do..... that you really want to know her on a deeper level because you feel a connection with her there's two answers to two unknown questions heres a universal answer to any question that i feel your post has shown me you want to hear yourself i know this happened fast it has shocked me too but you have to trust that i know what i want...then ask this..... do you trust me? Have i ever done anything that really made you not trust my decisions......no well this si a decision of mine and i care i know the risks ...and i am willing to take the risk of getting hurt.....loving someone is never guaranteed......and you know that fact too, that is why you are wanting clarification ...cant give you that sorry .....i dont know her..even if i did know her i couldnt give you clarification of why you should try...but you do know why you shoudl try ....so if you trust your heart and your family has been given no reason not to trust you........all will be ace my friend......cant guarantee you wont get hurt.....but you need to take the risk its your heart and your life not your families........ i know that without a doubt my family is super protective ...great white shark style.....they have watched me get hurt time and again...but if i were to say to them do you trust me and that i know i am ok to take the risk..i do live in reality ..they stand beside me and accept who i am with as my choice they welcome that person into our family.....my heart......my life.....is part of them...as is my happiness.....they would make me unhappy if they do not accept my choices and they never want to do that....might take them a little while to trust them though...they notice how a person treats me....but they will want to trust them because i already have put my trust in them.........to be with them in the first place.......they come to me with their heart problems big and small, my family and friends....so they trust my decisions and advice...they will never be discourteous....or i wouldnt be happy with them.. your family doesnt have to be happy but you do ...eventually your family will see that happiness and want to be a part of it...until then......be happy always.....deb Edited May 11, 2014 by todreaminblue
mammasita Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 There is no possible way you can be in love with someone that fast. True love takes time. That said, I'm not saying that you aren't feeling lust or emotions for this woman, but you aren't in love......at least not yet. It's only been 1 week!!!!!!!!!! From what you're writing, I don't get the sense that there's any OOMPH, any chemistry, sparks.....that make your heart drop a bit or palms sweat when you see her..... Do you feel like ripping her clothes off when you kiss her? Hopefully you didn't because IMO it's too soon for her to give it up.... but do you get that feeling? She sounds more like a really awesome friend from your description instead of a partner that you have physical, emotional and romantic chemistry with.
Author TheyCallMeOx Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 There is no possible way you can be in love with someone that fast. True love takes time. That said, I'm not saying that you aren't feeling lust or emotions for this woman, but you aren't in love......at least not yet. It's only been 1 week!!!!!!!!!! From what you're writing, I don't get the sense that there's any OOMPH, any chemistry, sparks.....that make your heart drop a bit or palms sweat when you see her..... Do you feel like ripping her clothes off when you kiss her? Hopefully you didn't because IMO it's too soon for her to give it up.... but do you get that feeling? She sounds more like a really awesome friend from your description instead of a partner that you have physical, emotional and romantic chemistry with. To answer your questions in bold, I feel very passionate about her. I don't wanna **** her. I want to make love to her. I've made love before, and I know that there's gotta be some strong feelings associated with that in order to make love, but I do want to rip her clothes off. Not in an aggressive way, if that makes sense. I do feel like it's rough and I know that I've only scratched the surface with her personality, so there's no denying the possibility that things may not work out. We've talked, but not really about each other. I feel a chemistry with her, a sense of understanding, and a desire to be with her, and that's what is fueling part of my interest to be with her. She's also paralyzed from the waist down. I've never been with a woman who is paralyzed, so it is different for me. That's also a thing that I have to consider because it is a factor in how I feel about her, no doubt, but it's more complicated than normal because I do like her and willing to figure out whether it's something I really feel is going to prevent me from having a successful relationship with her.
mammasita Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 To answer your questions in bold, I feel very passionate about her. I don't wanna **** her. I want to make love to her. I've made love before, and I know that there's gotta be some strong feelings associated with that in order to make love, but I do want to rip her clothes off. Not in an aggressive way, if that makes sense. I do feel like it's rough and I know that I've only scratched the surface with her personality, so there's no denying the possibility that things may not work out. We've talked, but not really about each other. I feel a chemistry with her, a sense of understanding, and a desire to be with her, and that's what is fueling part of my interest to be with her. She's also paralyzed from the waist down. I've never been with a woman who is paralyzed, so it is different for me. That's also a thing that I have to consider because it is a factor in how I feel about her, no doubt, but it's more complicated than normal because I do like her and willing to figure out whether it's something I really feel is going to prevent me from having a successful relationship with her. My advice, and I'm sure you'd probably get the same advice from your family because this is what I would tell my son..... At this point it's too early to know whether you're in love or not. If you see potential, go for it and explore it. I think you made a mistake declaring that you were in love so soon, but ok, live and learn - you did it, can't change it now. From this point forward take your time and don't rush. No two experiences of falling in love will be the same. In one case you might be instantly swept off your feet whereas another it takes you months to realize you're absolutely smitten. You just never know. 1
halfcrazed_i Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Have you ever considered that perhaps you've grown up since your last relationship? I think that when we fall in love for the first time, there's always something so pure and unadulterated about it. That's why we always remember it. After that one is done, we can never love like that again. It's a one-shot deal (I guess kind of like losing your virginity). However, that doesn't mean that you can't love someone beautifully again. When you fall in love again, it's going to be a little different because ideally, you would've gotten wiser and gained a bit more perspective from the last time. It's okay not to feel all the niggly-wiggly feelings for your partner now. Don't miss the forest for the trees. By now, you should know what you DON'T want. And as long as you're still going forward with her (albeit in a different pace, or perhaps a different route), I wouldn't think too much about it. Every relationship that we have with people are different. Just because there aren't "as much sparks" or "chemistry isn't as great" doesn't mean that it's a bad one. It's still fairly early on in your relationship with this girl. Who knows, you might find your "spark" in another aspect of your relationship with her. Take the time to get to know each other with no bias or judgment. She's a different person, remember that. You respond differently with her and she, you.
Recommended Posts