Neden Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 My boyfriend is a great guy with one exception, he likes to playfully put me down, often in public. By playfully I mean it doesn't sound malicious but is often delivered in joke form. Example: when hanging out with a group of our friends (most are single) and a hot woman walks by they'll say 'did you see that 10!' To which my boyfriend will reply, ' nice, I've only been hanging out with 6's lately' followed by him looking in my direction as if waiting to see what I'll say I get that he's probably just cracking a funny, but why even say these things? Ps I would consider myself a fairly attractive woman and he often says I'm out of his league but I'm not sure why he plays these games when he knows I love him Help! How to deal? Whys he doing this?
Els Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 My boyfriend is a great guy with one exception, he likes to playfully put me down, often in public. By playfully I mean it doesn't sound malicious but is often delivered in joke form. Example: when hanging out with a group of our friends (most are single) and a hot woman walks by they'll say 'did you see that 10!' To which my boyfriend will reply, ' nice, I've only been hanging out with 6's lately' followed by him looking in my direction as if waiting to see what I'll say That doesn't sound playful at all. Playful would be if, say, people were talking about women taking a long time to get ready and he cheerfully nudged you and agreed with them. Yours sounds flat out rude. I suggest you talk to him in private and tell him to stop doing this. If he doesn't, you have your answer. 3
Raena Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 If I were you I'd have some snarky comeback for him right away... like "oh, well a 6 IS a bit out of league for a 3, you should be thankful" and then playfully nudge him. But that's just my way of handling people who make foolish comments like that. Really, if it makes you feel uncomfortable then you have to tell him and if he doesn't stop then he's not the one for you. 5
bluegreen Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Thats not playful thats insulting degrading and abusive CALL HIM OUT ON IT In front of all say : If she who is 10 I'll admit it myself would EVER want 5 like you she can have you right here and right now. Turn around and leave at once. He is not boyfriend he is future abuser that will always find something wrong with you and you will never be ENOUGH pretty thin smart successful and so on. You will not believe me now cause he is sooooooo good so sweet most of the time right? Well babe he has got to be hos else would he keep a "victim" around If he showed his true ugliness who would have stayed by him ? Leave do not look back or years of misery ruined self esteem and broken heart is what you will I could swear on hand over Bible will get
Omei Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I very much dislike the old my friends are around im going to take shots at my gf and show how powerful I am in this relationship type macho stuff. Try not to let it bug you too much I dont think hes doing it to purposly try to hurt you hopefully if you make him aware he will stop
Gaeta Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I have notice that people that do that it's often comes from their childhood. They're from families that used a lot of negative attention. They actually think it's funny and don't understand it's demeaning. My ex-husband was the same. If you fight back with a similar joke he's not going to get your point. He will probably see this as you endorsing this type of humor. You need to sit him down and have a one-on-one on this type of humor. Tell him as your boyfriend his job is to elevate you above all women, not put you down, it's not funny, it's hurtful, and he's not 16 anymore to be making these kind of jokes. My ex-husband made a comment like this to me once in from of our friends and my friend told him off, she told him in front of everyone that she was tired and sick of him using that type of demeaning humor on me. You bet he shut up after that. 2
somedude81 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 If he's been doing this for a year or more, it's working because you're still with him. 5
carhill Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Help! How to deal? Whys he doing this? OP, I'll preface this by stating I find such personalities, in general, boorish and tedious and prefer to not interact with such people if at all possible. How to deal? IMO, no need for comebacks. I'm sure you're an attractive lady and get plenty of male attention and know how to work that. See it as fun! Why does he do it? Specifically unknown to anyone but him but IME as a man, men do what they do because it works to achieve whatever goal the man has set. Men are generally goal-oriented and pragmatic. 3
bluegreen Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 If he's been doing this for a year or more, it's working because you're still with him. Exactly insecure self centered little prick has her already convinced she is lucky that she got him next will be that she is lucky to have ANYONE. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 This is passive aggressive, IMO, and I wouldn't waste my time on someone who tries to impress their friends by demeaning you. He will say it is joking, but joking usually has to be funny and if making you feel bad is funny to him, he is a jerk. Ask him to stop, tell him it feels uncomfortable to you and if he doesn't...move on. G 7
ja123 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 He's probably insecure and feels he doesn't deserve you, so he's trying to take you down a peg. What a turn-off!! 3
veggirl Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 That doesn't sound playful at all. Playful would be if, say, people were talking about women taking a long time to get ready and he cheerfully nudged you and agreed with them. Yours sounds flat out rude. I suggest you talk to him in private and tell him to stop doing this. If he doesn't, you have your answer. Seriously, my mouth actually dropped open when I read that example of what he says! In no way is that funny or a joke, I don't even know what I'd say/do if my bf said something like that....I'd be completely shocked but sure as hell wouldn't allow him to write it off as a "joke". Wow. 1
bluegreen Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 He's probably insecure and feels he doesn't deserve you, so he's trying to take you down a peg. What a turn-off!! No probably here HE IS and scum like him can only feel better if someone else is put down by them
Emilia Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Ps I would consider myself a fairly attractive woman and he often says I'm out of his league but I'm not sure why he plays these games when he knows I love him Help! How to deal? Whys he doing this? He is trying to break your confidence down because of his own issues. He isn't nice enough and you should consider whether you should be spending time with someone who so clearly tries to undermine your self esteem. 1
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 If there are reasons you want to save your relationship, mention these behaviors to him privately & explain they hurt you. Get him to stop. If you want the dramatic blow up scene that will most likely end your relationship, use one of the lines / retorts suggested above. They were very clever & biting
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