Dumpee 5 Months Later

[FredJones80]

I'm not suffering a setback today, but I am confused...My ex created a new instagram a few weeks ago..I figured out her old instagram password and hacked into it and found out information on her about 2 months ago. The problem is...the new instagram account has the SAME password that she used on her old instagram...I just checked to make sure, although I did not look and snoop through any pictures. I immediately logged out.

 

My question: Did she purposefully create a new account with the same password as before? (She knows that I know this password)

 

 

I guess it doesn't matter, but either she is really stupid (possibly) or she wants to play games with me even though we haven't talked in over two months.

 

I dont want to hear the it doesn't matter move on.

 

Err, not sure what kind of relationship you had but tbh I probably know all my ex's passwords and her mine, even though we're not together I trust she wouldn't snoop in and neither would I.

 

She still has various accounts which have my credit / debit card linked to, but I know she wouldn't use or abuse them.

 

Perhaps you ended more messy than me.

[BroknHrt]

The break-up was very messy as she has been with someone else since 2 months after we broke-up. It just doesn't make sense that she would be that stupid to use the same password on her new instagram account when she knew I had been on her Facebook and previous Instagram before with the same password.

 

I know I shouldn't have gone onto her accounts in the past, but I did so I can't change that.

 

It's the same dam password...wtf. why?

[jbelle6]

I see a lot of "I love her and I KNOW she loves me"s on these threads. Nothing you wrote indicates love to me. And this is why you don't have closure.

You won't get truth or closure from the dumpee, you just have to look at their actions and not their words, and her screwing someone else is a pretty strong action.

Don't bank on a rebound either, my rebounds all lasted from 2-6 years.

 

And damn, if I had to dump every guy that smoked, I'd die alone. Then again, I'm Canadian.

[BroknHrt]

Late September 2013...we were broken up for 3 weeks...She allowed me to take her on a date. I took her out and when I got home I gave her a note that said wait 15 minutes and then come inside. During that time, I went inside...set up 75 luminaries in a path that ended in my bedroom. The path led to the TV at first where she pressed play and watched a 4 minute video that had pictures of the two of us and our song in the background. She then followed the path to a page long poem that was tacked on the door. She then wrapped through the house (walking in the path of the luminaries) and ultimately came to the bedroom where I had tons of rose petals leading to the bed and the rose petals made the shape of a heart on the bed. Inside the heart, there was a box of chocolates and a frisbee that asked her to be my girlfriend again (how i asked her the first time). When she walked into the room I poured her a glass of her favorite wine and of course she said yes. Now that is love.

 

But then again...two months later she dumped me for weed and 4 months after she was with another man. Now she is still with him so Love doesn't work both ways!

 

An explanation of the instagram password thing would be helpful to ease my curiosities

[BroknHrt]

Chances we will talk again?

 

It is her 21st bday today. Her new bf got her a diamond heart necklace on a silver chain. I have initiated contacted by liking one of her instagram pics (she immediately turned her instagram to private). I sent her a long message over facebook from a new account(she blocked it) and i Sent her 1 email(no response). The email was last friday, the like on instagram last thursday and the facebook message 3-4 weeks ago.

 

I havent talked to her since I almost got harassment charges placed on me (which occured 1 week after we had sex) and this was over 2 months ago.

 

I still haven't fully let go but I did go on a date two nights ago. I had a break down when I saw the necklace yesterday and teared up.

 

How is she still with this person when she cheated on him with me 2.5 months ago?

[I'mOldgreg]

Man you're 21, I know at 21 you think you're a fully fledged adult but, you have so much of your life ahead, get out there and stop obsessing over this girl, young love hurts like hell, especially of it is your first.

 

Stop stalking her, it makes you look worse, you may think that your constant attention seems endearing like you are always thinking of her, but it is driving her further away and just keeping your hear broken.

 

In 10 years time you will look back and think "man what was I thinking", you will see her in a photo with 2 or 3 kids, she will look different and you will have no feelings for her, instead you will turn to your own partner and perhaps children and feel blessed that it didn't work out.

 

Heart break makes us stronger, but only when we learn how to handle it, we dust ourselves off, try to learn from what went wrong and go into the next relationship with more skills at our disposal.

 

Remember failure isn't the falling down it's the staying down, get back up, accept it will never be and find someone that will appreciate you.

 

(I'm aware i'm a bit of a hypocrite giving this advice, but it's still good advice)

[BroknHrt]

We leave in the same small town and I just drove by her house on the way to my house (can't avoid it) and I see her tying a balloon up to the ed of the street with her new boyfriend next to her. How is she already showing the new guy to the parents?? Why does she seem so f"_"cking happy? I had a breakdown but now I'm pissed.

[Always Pondering]

We leave in the same small town and I just drove by her house on the way to my house (can't avoid it) and I see her tying a balloon up to the ed of the street with her new boyfriend next to her. How is she already showing the new guy to the parents?? Why does she seem so f"_"cking happy? I had a breakdown but now I'm pissed.

 

You two live on the same street or something? It's been a couple of months that they've been dating and/or in a relationship right? I'm sure my ex introduced her new boyfriend to the parents weeks after getting together, it really shouldn't be surprising to you at all.

 

You just need to let go and move on friend. She clearly does not want to be in contact with you and you need to realize that. Blocking your "new" account, setting her instagram to private and ignoring your email just means she probably isn't interested anymore. This needs to get through to you especially since you mentioned you almost got harassment charges. I know it hurts to hear this type of stuff and truth be told your heart is probably refusing to listen to anything you don't want to hear but you have to.

 

The relationship you had with her is dead and if anything, you're burying her outlook on it way deeper into the dirt by contacting her like this. I realize is hurts, it really does, but you have to let go and move on from this one girl.

 

Also, quit logging into her account as it's not your business. Not only should you not be doing that but it'd just hurt you and what's left between you two (if anything even at all) anyways.

[hoping2heal]

What sucks the most is I got absolutely no closure.

 

What is closure?

 

I've been thinking about that a lot lately, because I read so many stories of people who want to know why..that way they can have closure.

 

From experience, closure wasn't knowing what the reasons were. Closure came when I realized there would be no reconciliation, it was over.

 

Sometimes, knowing why can be constructive but other times hearing that you're less attractive than so and so guy, less exciting, whatever the case is just makes one feel worse. I think dumpees blame themselves for the breakup too much as is.

 

There are always legit reasons to be dumped, but it's so sad when I see people who are "victim" to a person who breaks their commitment instead of honoring it, for whatever reason..immaturity, lack of experience, what have you. Then the dumpee is left thinking they did something wrong.

[hoping2heal]

We leave in the same small town and I just drove by her house on the way to my house (can't avoid it) and I see her tying a balloon up to the ed of the street with her new boyfriend next to her. How is she already showing the new guy to the parents?? Why does she seem so f"_"cking happy? I had a breakdown but now I'm pissed.

 

 

Sorry you had to see this, OP

[redbaron005]

This is a common misconception held by people in these contexts. Even if she is happy, her happiness is really drug-like and very temporary. She is running from her problems, but the funny thing about problems, is we get tired after running so long, but the problems don't -- they'll catch up.

 

Her happiness, if it even exists right now, is temporary.

 

Agreed. I also would note that it is not the best idea to point this out directly to her, from experience.

[BroknHrt]

Hard to "let go" when I love this girl and lost my virginity to her and she told me we were getting back together. As unlikely and rare a recomciliatiom might be, I still maintain hope that at some point in the future it'll work.

[BroknHrt]

Idk what is up with me..there is still something holding me back from letting go of her although she ignores every message and is in a new relationship. I don't have self control when it comes to looking her new bf or her up on instagram. I dont want to see these things, but i look them up and it pisses me off and makes me upset every time. It usually comes every 4-5 days. I go without looking at it then i feel better about myself and I think I have moved on and can handle trying to contact her/looking her up, but i get upset every time. I have realized and accepted that I won't stop loving her and that it wont work out now, but i don''t want her new relationship to work either. The thought of her falling in love so soon is really upsetting to me. I know she is falling in love with him and I know that we will never get back together because of all the damage that has been caused. I hate these down phases and I sometimes feel that loveshack is helping me but at times i think it makes it worse. I just want to move on but im being held back. It would be much easier to be in a relationship with anybody new right now but i know im not ready for it.

[BroknHrt]

It had been since May 28th when I last checked on my ex. At work today, I caved into my urge (i know im a pu3sy) and logged into her instagram(i admit it is illegal and terrible) and I did this because there is no other way I can check in on her (I know I shouldn't do this.) I see that her and her new boyfriend seem very strong together and that he is even taking pictures with her family a lot. She seems happy and almost in love. Their relationship has been going on 3-4 months and I don't want her to be so happy after she hurt me so bad with no apology.

 

I know this is wrong of me and I know that I am still hurt by the break up all though I feel much much better now that so much time has passed. I haven't tried to contact her in awhile but the first love attachment is still so strong. But in the present, I feel happy again, and I actually had a girl over to my house twice this weekend I'm handling my life in a much more positive manner, but I am still not completely over the betrayal 6 months later. I know the advice will be to stop looking at her sh$t and I am definitely working hard on that (was 13 days since i last looked her up..was 5 days before that)..

 

when will i not have the urge to check up on me? Is she every checking up on me?

[BroknHrt]

Is this thread done with advice?

 

How do you keep going on with your life knowing you still love someone who is with someone else?

[NC-Thomas]

Is this thread done with advice?

 

How do you keep going on with your life knowing you still love someone who is with someone else?

 

I feel you man. And you what, it will all pass in time.

 

My first " real " GF i had when i was 22. We took dancing lessons together, then we broke up. The next dancing lesson (1 week later) I saw her kissing with her new lover and dancing intimately. We were together for 1.5 years.

 

Trust me I know what you feel. But I also know that you will feel stronger in time. It took me about half a year to become the stronger version of me.

 

And you know what, your ex is just in a rebound relationship, in order to fill the void she took the nearest guy she could find. Trust me, rebound hardly ever work you. And by the time they " break-up " again, you will have moved on and be a better person. She is just trying to make you feel bad by showing of her " new fake boyfriend ". Dude trust me, it's just on big-ass scene.

 

It's easy for girls to find another guy, for men it's different. What she does is very low. I have been in your situation. I tried to be the better person, the one that looked beyond her pity-full and desperate behavior. In the end I was just laughing at it, and told myself " good job Thomas ", you managed to better yourself while she tried to fill her void with some random bloke and did'nt took the effort to change herself for the better.

 

Your better than her man. And really, why would you ever take her back if she exhibits this behavior? It's childish, shes just trying to make you jealous.

 

Laugh at it man. Look beyond. Take your time and you will find another awesome girl. Your only 21... you have so much life in front of you. You will love again. Really. Take care!

 

PS: block her profile on social media. It tells her: I don't need you in my life anymore, and I don't care about your life. I have my own to care about.

Edited June 10, 2014 by NC-Thomas

[Chi townD]

Is this thread done with advice?

 

How do you keep going on with your life knowing you still love someone who is with someone else?

 

 

What advice do you want? YOU DON'T LISTEN!!!

 

People have told you to delete your instagram account, you haven't done it. We tell you to stay no contact and in the month of May, you liked one of her instagram pics and you sent her an email through her Facebook account that she didn't read. Which tells me that you haven't blocked her on FB. Which, guess what? That's not NC!!!! You drive by her house and see her out there with her new man. That's not NC!!!!! And you're wondering why it is that you're not healing that quickly?!?!?

 

Dude, what positive changes have you made you your life since the break up?

[BroknHrt]

What advice do you want? YOU DON'T LISTEN!!!

 

People have told you to delete your instagram account, you haven't done it. We tell you to stay no contact and in the month of May, you liked one of her instagram pics and you sent her an email through her Facebook account that she didn't read. Which tells me that you haven't blocked her on FB. Which, guess what? That's not NC!!!! You drive by her house and see her out there with her new man. That's not NC!!!!! And you're wondering why it is that you're not healing that quickly?!?!?

 

Dude, what positive changes have you made you your life since the break up?

 

I don't have her new phone number. I am blocked from her facebook accounts. I blocked her on snapchat. I don't have an instagram.

 

I understand that I am not maintaining NC. When I see her pictures on Instagram its because I log into her account (I had not done this in 2 weeks). I don't have an instagram account. I didn't purposefully drive by her house. The street she lives on is less than half a mile from my home and I saw her on the end of the street when I was driving to my house..i didn't purposefully drive by her house.

 

Positive Changes: I became more outgoing and began to hang out with more people. I started going out on weekends and I try to spend us much time possible out of my house. I have met women and been on dates. I have focused on my family and God and have tried to help out as many people in need as I can.

 

I have healed tremendously since 2 and half months ago when I got out of Rehab. I went to Rehab because I was so depressed about being used and betrayed. I WANT TO STOP FOREVER looking up on her, but I continue to do it. And everytime I feel like **** because I don't have self-control.

[OwMyEyeball]

I don't have her new phone number. I am blocked from her facebook accounts. I blocked her on snapchat. I don't have an instagram.

 

I understand that I am not maintaining NC. When I see her pictures on Instagram its because I log into her account (I had not done this in 2 weeks). I don't have an instagram account. I didn't purposefully drive by her house. The street she lives on is less than half a mile from my home and I saw her on the end of the street when I was driving to my house..i didn't purposefully drive by her house.

 

Positive Changes: I became more outgoing and began to hang out with more people. I started going out on weekends and I try to spend us much time possible out of my house. I have met women and been on dates. I have focused on my family and God and have tried to help out as many people in need as I can.

 

I have healed tremendously since 2 and half months ago when I got out of Rehab. I went to Rehab because I was so depressed about being used and betrayed. I WANT TO STOP FOREVER looking up on her, but I continue to do it. And everytime I feel like **** because I don't have self-control.

 

Then develop self-control.

 

You can start that by dropping the excuse that you don't have any.

 

Until you develop the ability to actively avoid and challenge your most basic urges your life will be filled with continual disappointment and misery. Self-discipline is far more about training yourself to distract and disengage than it is some mysterious "force of will" that we each have in different measure. It's a life skill, not a biological trait. You build it up. You maintain it. You look to others to help you support it. And you carry on.

[BroknHrt]

I maintain self control for the majority of the time. It started with trying to get through a day without looking her up then it went to 3-4 then 5-7 then it was 2 weeks. Im on day 2 now.

[Chi townD]

I don't have her new phone number. I am blocked from her facebook accounts. I blocked her on snapchat. I don't have an instagram.

 

I understand that I am not maintaining NC. When I see her pictures on Instagram its because I log into her account (I had not done this in 2 weeks). I don't have an instagram account. I didn't purposefully drive by her house. The street she lives on is less than half a mile from my home and I saw her on the end of the street when I was driving to my house..i didn't purposefully drive by her house.

 

Positive Changes: I became more outgoing and began to hang out with more people. I started going out on weekends and I try to spend us much time possible out of my house. I have met women and been on dates. I have focused on my family and God and have tried to help out as many people in need as I can.

 

I have healed tremendously since 2 and half months ago when I got out of Rehab. I went to Rehab because I was so depressed about being used and betrayed. I WANT TO STOP FOREVER looking up on her, but I continue to do it. And everytime I feel like **** because I don't have self-control.

 

 

Nowhere near enough.

 

Okay, so you got a handle on your social life, but not on the things that will make you happy. What about going away to school? Getting that college degree, or if you have one, your Masters? What about going to the gym? Have you joined a gym? By working out, you work off all the stress and frustrations that you're having. You honestly feel better walking out of the place. Plus, if you eat right and get plenty of sleep, you'll be working towards that rock hard body that girls are definitely going to like.

 

Get a hobby! Something that you'll enjoy. Guarantee you that there will be some kind of club in your area with people with the same interests. Join them! So, sign up for dive lessons. Join a mens soccer league, join a cycling club or a running club. Take a cooking class or photography course.

 

And then travel. You said you're from a small town. Get the hell out of there! Go see something new. Get away from things that are going to remind you of her! Go to Southern California for a week and learn how to surf. Or to the Florida Keys and go scuba diving. Or go to New York and see Times Square, or to Chicago and watch the Cubs lose!! Hell, you're young enough that you can stay in hostels really cheap. Do some research and look into it.

[BroknHrt]

I graduate in December and will begin working a full time job in a big city that I am interning at right now. I am actually going to play basketball tonight and am currently trying to join an indoor soccer league. I am an attractive person and have no doubts about my abilities to get with or finding another other woman. Especially since my school is full of attractive women. I actually just went to Vegas and am going to travel this weekend.

 

I am doing many positive things with my life to better myself.

 

The problem is being at work in a cubicle 6-8 hrs a day on a computer and having thoughts of her in my head for periodic times of the day. When I check her instagram now I dont cry like I used too...instead I get pissed and feel empty inside. I know there will be a time when I check on her again because I want to know how her relationship is going (which i thought was a rebound-obviously not). The strength to refuse to check up on her is there somewhere, I just need to find it at the times i feel down.

[Chi townD]

Okay, good!

 

Now you just have to stay NC. Anytime you feel weak and you're about to log onto her instagram, stop. Take a deep breath and log in here instead. Post about how you're feeling and that you need to be talked down from checking in on her. I promise you someone will be here to walk you through it.

[OwMyEyeball]

I graduate in December and will begin working a full time job in a big city that I am interning at right now. I am actually going to play basketball tonight and am currently trying to join an indoor soccer league. I am an attractive person and have no doubts about my abilities to get with or finding another other woman. Especially since my school is full of attractive women. I actually just went to Vegas and am going to travel this weekend.

 

I am doing many positive things with my life to better myself.

 

The problem is being at work in a cubicle 6-8 hrs a day on a computer and having thoughts of her in my head for periodic times of the day. When I check her instagram now I dont cry like I used too...instead I get pissed and feel empty inside. I know there will be a time when I check on her again because I want to know how her relationship is going (which i thought was a rebound-obviously not). The strength to refuse to check up on her is there somewhere, I just need to find it at the times i feel down.

 

I don't know a thing about Instagram, but from what I've gathered you're only able to access it by logging into her account.

 

If that's the only way you can check her Instragram, get into that account, go straight to the User settings, change the password to a keyboard mash (copy/paste if duplicate is needed), hit Save then LOG OUT.

 

Worst off she'll be is a bit of confusion and having to request a password change straight to her Inbox.

 

For you the connection is cut.

 

And just in case you have second thoughts and come up with some other scheme to check in on her, do as was just wisely advised to you and instead come on here to vent. Or find another creative avenue through which to positively express your emotions.

 

You still have some grieving to do. You may feel as though you've already been through that phase, but this constant checking-in has prevented you from being able to truly accept and move on. Acceptance is indifference, and indifference is the last word I'd use to describe your feelings towards this person.

 

Think about your first boyhood crush. What are your feelings towards her? Chances are you don't have any. She may not have even registered in your thoughts for the past however so many years. Or maybe you've had some idle thoughts here and there about her, but never anything that kindled strong emotion inside of you. Nothing that caused you to feel sorrow or happiness - just skirted around your mind for a brief while. That's acceptance.

[BroknHrt]

I just changed her password like you recommended.

 

I know that I have accepted we must go our different ways now, but I have not accepted the fact that we will never be together again. She was my first love. My only love. The only girl I have ever cared about. Another key fact is her mother told her she would abandon her and cut her off from college completely if she ever talked to me again.

 

Thanks for the advice and Im glad the instagram thing is over with...although I thought it was over long before when she created a new account except she used the same password.

 

I know to everyone on here I seem like an ignorant needy clingy child, but emotions that we shared don't go away in the 3 months since I saw her. I'm absolutely sure of that.