southernhemi Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Last week my married friends and their friends organised a casual dinner so they could introduce me to their friend (male)... I went along as always up to meeting new people. The evening was lovely, fun and relaxing. The next morning my friends told me that the guy they wanted me to meet wanted my number so they gave it to him. He rang asking if I wanted to go mountain biking. I gave him credit for ringing as that takes some guts. He came across as very shy at the dinner. I told him I had already made plans for the day thanked him and said I was able to do coffee with him on Thursday after work if that suited his schedule and he said yes, he'll let me know when he finishes work. Thursday came and went and I heard nothing, then he texts at 8pm saying he was hungry and asked if I wanted to grab a bite. I said that was at my dance lesson and in a funny way said I thought we were doing coffee after work, if he wanted to, Sunday for coffee would be good? He said yeah Sunday will be good. I said what time suits you and where? He said I'm not big on plans so I'll text you then. I'm pretty easy going but because I work shift work and have hobbies I tend to like to have plans... Today (Sunday) he texted at 11 and made some weird joke about trying to ring me but my phone was off I told him I was out taking my mother for lunch, if he would like I could do coffee at 3? He said yeah maybe I'll see and text you later. So I got on with my day doing the errands I had to do. At 250 he texted saying I'm free for that coffee. I was driving at the time so pulled over within that time he texted again and said I guess you're not, bye. Now by this point I got annoyed. I was going to ring but was best not to I replied saying sorry I was driving, it's looking like we are always missing each other seeing as concrete plans can't be made, I'll see you next time at (our friends) :-) he replied saying "we will see, all good". He texted not long ago saying he could do Sunday next week. I'm not big on plans so I'll text you on the day. He won't commit to a time or place which I find annoying because I'm not going to sit around all day waiting for his message that he is now ready! Am I being picky? I told our mutual friend and she said that he hasn't had any experience w women since his last relationship years ago which left him burnt. She said that he had told their friends that he was keen but was playing it cool w me so as not to seem to interested.... I don't get this mentality as it's backfired and I'm Finding arranging a coffee w him is just too hard work.
gaius Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 He's probably not interested but felt social pressure from your friends to start dating again. So he agreed to the setup then sabotaged the hell out of it. Don't take it personally. I doubt he wants anyone. Some people are weird like that. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 He said yeah Sunday will be good. I said what time suits you and where? He said I'm not big on plans so I'll text you then. Haha, screw this! Unfortunately for him, most people who have busy, well-rounded lives with careers, education, social events, friendships to nurture, families to take care of and hobbies to enjoy NEED plans in order for their time to be booked out. The idea that a guy would tell me he'll meet Sunday but can't/won't give a time or place would scream to me that we're completely incompatible and turn me off big time. What are you supposed to do, keep 9am-10pm free Sunday so that he can decide on the day what time he wants to meet, around his plans? Reminds me of an ex of mine who would receive social invitations and only ever respond with a 'I might come', he would almost stack up several invites on a weekend so that on the day he could decide what HE wanted to do most. I found it incredibly rude, when most people require the confirmation or otherwise of their friends in order to get stuff planned, buy tickets, account for how many are attending a dinner party, how many to book a table for, who can share lifts home. It was all about him, and anyone I've met since who has been like this seems to be the same, expecting everybody else to revolve around them. What's so difficult about 'yes, I'll see you at 11am at this coffee shop?' I'm sure he manages to follow pre-determined plans for his work schedules. NEXT! 3
Legatus Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I think the only one unreasonable is him! I see it that way: 1. He doesn't want to come across as too interested - playing games - you'll never know when he's playing or not... MOVE ON 2. If he can't commit to a time and place and texts you 10 minutes before the time - he won't commit to anything bigger then that either (yes I'm assuming here but if that's a character flaw I wouldn't count on him being reliable with big stuff)... MOVE ON 3. Those texts "I'll text you later" is such a c**p, looks like he wants to be in control over everything, whether he's shy or not, he can be doing it with other people to... centre of attention.. well MOVE ON 4. If he was pressured he wouldn't have called in my opinion. Probably would have sent a message saying thanks for great evening etc. That call was an indicator that he wanted to meet. besides even if he changed his mind - what harm would it do to say "sorry, I can't make time for dating right now" or something similar. Looks like he wants to make you wait for him.. in other words MOVE ON : ) 1
HappyLove Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I agree. NEXT!!! He's a weirdo! As Dr Mya Angelou says, 'People show you who they are the first time, believe them'. Even if you gave this guy a chance this is what you can pretty much expect out of the relationship. He can't make a plan as simple as coffee imagine an actual dinner! He wants to meet you when it's absolutely convenient for him, like when he's driving by the coffe shop in 10 minutes. Then he's sensitive 'oh guess your not, bye'. Ugh, is this an actual grown man? Let some other desperate chick pull her hair out trying to fix this guy. You're too busy, MOVE ON! 1
jessywalshe Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 This reminds me so much of my present b/f who I now realise I have to break up with. At the beginning I could get the playing hard to get thing. Now a year later I still never know till the last minute if he is going to cancel plans on me. I can't look forward to anything as I never know if it's going to happen or not. Tonight I tell him this once again before ending it. I will hurt, but believe me, always being treated like that ruins your confidence and your relationship. It is rude, that simple. And if the man was 'into' you enough, he wouldn't be rude to you. I am sorry :-( Jessy
HappyLove Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I dated a guy like this too, the very first coffee date was more of a convenience for him. Kinda like, hey I'm in a close by area wanna meet up. The "relationship" was a joke. He canceled dates all the time with the dumbest excuses. He never seemed committed to it. Huge waste of time in the end.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) UGH! He sounds like someone I was trying to date at one point in my life!!! No thanks. You did everything right and more importantly, have every right to ask for a plan or some kind of small commitment to meet ESPECIALLY the first time outside of your staged meet and greet at your friends. Not once, not twice but three times?!?!? Just rude. I don't care what kind of excuses your friends will give him for his behavior - at some point he has to take some responsibility for his part and understand that not everyone can live with the "not-big-on- plans-so-I'll-just-text-you" philosophy. Give me a break already. He sounds a bit immature and (obviously) inexperienced. Perhaps if he officially scheduled a coffee or two every now and again he'd have more dates. If it were ME and if he reached out to me yet again for another round of cat and mouse, I'd call him up and tell him over the phone how annoying this behavior is. I'd say my peace because he should hear someone call him out on just how annoying he is!!! Regardless, you do as you wish but I'm with you on this one. NEXT!!!! Edited May 11, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle
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