My 23 year old ex broke up with me because his mom told him to

May 11, 2014

A little over a week ago, my ex's mom told him to break up with me...and he did.

His mother is extremely controlling and she runs his life. He calls her 4x a day and if he doesn't, she gets mad at him. One time (3 months into our relationship) he only called her twice a day and all hell broke loose. She sent him a VERY angry voicemail and she told him that she is disappointed in him and that she thought that he died. He apologized profusely and said that he was just spending time with me. The room was very quiet so I could always hear her on the phone because she always yells. I heard her say that I was changing him and she said that only because he didn't call 4x that day! I was so hurt. She gave him the silent treatment for 2 days. He didn't see anything wrong with his mom being upset but I didn't say anything because I didn't think it was my place.

There are countless incidents of things like this happening, with her trying to control everything. There are also incidents of him displaying typical mama boy behaviors. For example, he never takes responsibility for anything. In the 8 months that we were together, everything was always someone else's fault.Also, he told his parents everything!! We only had one argument the entire time we were together and it was because I told him that I felt like I was in a relationship with his parents. He wanted to vent to someone...so he called his parents and told them all the details of our argument!

He was also extremely dependent on me. He literally had zero friends and I was his only friend. I was also his first girlfriend. I tried to make him feel so loved. I was so good to him Everyday I told him how special he was to me. When he would be sad that he didn't have friends, and that older brother didn't like him, I would tell him "Don't worry babe. You are very loved and you're very special. Always know that".

On the day that we broke up, we were packing because we were going to leave campus the next day. His mom called and said "Honey, I'm leaving to pick you up". He was really sad and I was shocked. He asked her if she could please come the next day,as planned, because he wanted to spend time with me. She said that his priorities weren't right because he wanted to spend more time with me. I heard her say that she was re-evaluating our relationship and that he should break up with me. I stepped out of the room because I couldn't take it anymore.

An hour later he comes to me, sobbing, and says that he can't be with me anymore. He tells me that our relationship wasn't healthy because he prioritized me too much. I start crying and he's crying too, but he says "I want to be with you but my mom just won't let me". He called me the next day and I begged and pleaded and he just said "It was unhealthy being with you. I lost focus. I wasn't showering." I couldn't believe he blamed me for not showering! It was a bs excuse and he wasn't man enough to repeat what he said before. My begging and pleading didn't matter. He hung up on me, blocked my number, and ignored my email that I poured my heart into.

It hurts so much. I haven't been able to sleep or eat. I didn't see this coming. Literally 30 minutes before it happened, he was crying because he "loved me so much and I made him feel human and loved". He said that he thought that he would have to go his whole life without being loved and that he couldn't wait to start a family with me.

I was no longer invited to his graduation (since he was ignoring me, I took the hint) and that hurt a lot too. I'm so hurt and angry. He was my first love and I gave him all of me. I'm leaving for Europe today for a vacation and maybe it'll help me get over him. I keep hoping that he'll contact me but I know that he won't. I sent him a goodbye letter and I told him that I hope that he'll be able to be independent one day. I told him that I loved him, but I was hurt by his actions. I also told him that I still hope that he comes back to me, but my world is no longer stopping for that possibility and so I'm not going to beg or plead anymore. I also said that I won't ever initiate contact again.

I thought he loved me, but he's been so cold and he treats me like I'm crap on his shoe. It hurts so much.

Edited May 11, 2014 by suchamamasboy

May 11, 2014

That boy has issues. Have you seen Bates Motel?...

Seriously, you dodged a bullet. Not only is his dependence on his mom unhealthy, giving you the reasons he did (his mother made him do it, he was too wrapped up in you to shower!?!) shows that he doesn't even realize how abnormal it all is. Most guys who would take their mother's advice about who to date would never admit it because they are aware of how immature/unflattering it makes them look.

I must say, however, that in this case, it is possible that his mother may have been right. Not that there is anything wrong with you but because she has witnessed his unhealthy obsession with you. She may be aware of issues he has that you don't know about.

In any case, stick with your plan to enjoy your vacation and getting over him.

May 11, 2014

You are well rid of him. He's a wimp and a momas boy. Look for a guy with some balls!

May 11, 2014

That boy has issues. Have you seen Bates Motel?...

I must say, however, that in this case, it is possible that his mother may have been right. Not that there is anything wrong with you but because she has witnessed his unhealthy obsession with you. She may be aware of issues he has that you don't know about.

In any case, stick with your plan to enjoy your vacation and getting over him.

Thanks for your reply. It wasn't that his mom thought he had an obsession with me, it's just that she was jealous of the time that he was spending with me. There are a lot of instances where this was obvious. He didn't have an obsession with me at all, even if he was a little dependent. Since he never had a girlfriend, and he didn't have friends, she was used to him spending all of his free time with her. I could write a book on her jealously. The way that she treats him has made his older brother not like him.

And the shower thing was a bs excuse. He wasn't not showering because of me. He wasn't taking showers because, well, he was lazy. That's what I meant by he blames everything on other people. He was not showering before he met me. He said that shower thing because maybe that's his way of looking for a valid reason.

May 11, 2014

She may be aware of issues he has that you don't know about.

Good point! I feel that she made him how he is. No social skills, ect but maybe she created something else in him that I'm fortunate to have never seen.

She also thought it was unhealthy because I would tell him "sad things". For example, if I told him that I had a bad day, I was portrayed as a devil. She didn't thing he could deal with anyone telling him they had a bad day.

He told me a ton of "sad things" but I was there for him because I loved him and that's what relationships are about. Gosh, when he told me that his brother didn't like him, I was there. If the tables had been turned, she would have said that I was stressing him out.

If anything, he was the unhealthy one. He would punch walls when angry. He threatened to cut himself to prove his love, and he always made a scene (like crying and following me down the hall if I wanted space.I would only want a few minutes! I would feel so guilty that I would return).

May 11, 2014

You don't want anybody like your ex anyway.

May 11, 2014

Absolutely disgusting. Oedipus complex that he never grew out of. And that mom is equally disgusting and psychotic.

I understand the feeling of loss and how bad it hurts, but I sure as hell hope you wake up and hit the anger stage soon for these two idiots. I wouldn't even pity them, just despise them.

May 11, 2014

You don't want anybody like your ex anyway.

Thanks

Although I know this logically, it still hurts. I'm getting better though.

May 11, 2014

Absolutely disgusting. Oedipus complex that he never grew out of. And that mom is equally disgusting and psychotic.

I understand the feeling of loss and how bad it hurts, but I sure as hell hope you wake up and hit the anger stage soon for these two idiots. I wouldn't even pity them, just despise them.

Thank you for replying. I think I'm beginning to move to the anger stage. Before today, I was crying so much. Although I'm still sad, I don't feel the need to cry anymore. My appetite still hasn't come back though. I'm surviving off of tablespoons of Greek yogurt and orange juice.

I still desperately want him to call me. To tell me that he made a mistake. I was so good to him. But you know, I'm so full of love and I'll meet someone who returns that love to me.

It's just the guy that I thought I knew would never treat me like. He would have never hung up on me. He would have never blocked my number, and he would have never ignored my email. I feel like I was betrayed.

Because he's living with his parents for a year, he's going to miss me when they tell him he's fat (he's not, they just like to control his diet) and when they do other things, and he's going to realize how lonely he is but it's going to be too late.

May 11, 2014

Oh honey : ((( HUGS

But can you just for an instant imagine being married to him and that lunatic ?

As much as you would have loved him it would driven you to mental hospital instead of that sicko he calls mommy.

On the other hand its very very very hard to get clutches of them out of you not only they are :controlling whiny blackmailers and I can go on and on they LIE look at people's eyes and lie most of the time everyone around them thinks they are BEST MOM'S ever cause they love their kids so much.

I know why I say this trust me it takes some balls of steel to fight this and will to loose a LOT to gain this battle

He does not have them and from what it looks like never will.

HUGS

May 23, 2014

Hi all,

So this is my original thread: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/476445-my-23-year-old-ex-broke-up-me-because-his-mom-told-him

My ex still hasn't contacted me and it really hurts. Although I'm getting better (I haven't cried in about 10 days), there's not a day that goes by where I don't think about him. By ignoring me, it feels like our entire relationship meant nothing to him and it hurts so much.

I love him and I miss him so much. When I wrote the letter, I wasn't expecting reply and I'll have good days where I think that I'll never take him back because of what happened but on days like this, I just feel so betrayed and so unloved. I gave my all to him. Even if he just sent a simple hello, I would feel better.

He knows that by ignoring me, he's hurting me and he doesn't even care. I'm still being strong by not contacting him in any way either since that that letter.

When he broke up with me, he begged me (literally begged) to let him keep the love letter that I wrote for him and he told me that he loved me. I just want to heal but it's so hard to know that he's having fun with his mom not even thinking of me. Please help me heal. I can't take it anymore.

May 23, 2014

What a mummys boy. F' him.

Get yourself a man, you deserve it.

May 23, 2014

What a mummys boy. F' him.

Get yourself a man, you deserve it.

Thanks for your reply

And you're right, I deserve it. I just wish it didn't hurt so much but I'll count my days without crying as a sort of victory.

May 23, 2014

Newsflash: It won't make you feel better to hear from him. You will just get hopeful that he will come back and then you will just feel as bad, if not worse than you do now when you realize HE IS NOT COMING BACK.

Believe me, I haven't heard from my ex since the day I broke up with him. At first it stunk, but now that I've moved on a bit, the silence is rather comforting, because I can focus on what's really important now.

You can do it.

May 23, 2014

Newsflash: It won't make you feel better to hear from him. You will just get hopeful that he will come back and then you will just feel as bad, if not worse than you do now when you realize HE IS NOT COMING BACK.

Believe me, I haven't heard from my ex since the day I broke up with him. At first it stunk, but now that I've moved on a bit, the silence is rather comforting, because I can focus on what's really important now.

You can do it.

You're absolutely right. And I know that this is really stupid of me, but I want him back. I don't think he's going to come back, but I can't stop hoping. I really love him:(

May 23, 2014

You can do it.

Thank you for this

May 23, 2014

You're absolutely right. And I know that this is really stupid of me, but I want him back. I don't think he's going to come back, but I can't stop hoping. I really love him:(

Well if you didn't give a rat's @ss, you wouldn't be here, so it's normal.

Don't stay stuck in the past. Keep on living and adding to your life. If one day he wants another try, the last thing you'd want is be the old you, as it didn't work out. And again, I'm thinking, why change? Unless you made clear mistakes that could have been prevented. If it's just that you're not compatible, then so be it.

It's easy to think that he's the one, you'll never find someone else you love as much, especially as we grow older, but it's not true.

I say pull yourself together and live your life. To get better you have to make a little effort.

May 23, 2014

It's not wrong to love him. You just have to know that the best, and only way you can act on it now is by keeping your distance and respecting his wishes to break up. You love him, but you love you too. You don't want to set yourself up to be miserable: that is your goal now. Keep your eyes on the prize.

May 23, 2014

Well if you didn't give a rat's @ss, you wouldn't be here, so it's normal.

Don't stay stuck in the past. Keep on living and adding to your life. If one day he wants another try, the last thing you'd want is be the old you, as it didn't work out. And again, I'm thinking, why change? Unless you made clear mistakes that could have been prevented. If it's just that you're not compatible, then so be it.

It's easy to think that he's the one, you'll never find someone else you love as much, especially as we grow older, but it's not true.

I say pull yourself together and live your life. To get better you have to make a little effort.

This made me feel better. I appreciate all of the replies on this thread.

I didn't make any mistakes that could have been prevented, his mom was just jealous that she had to share him with someone else. But you're right, I wouldn't want to be the old me if he ever wanted another chance because right now, he's placed on way too high of a pedestal. The new me should know that it's okay if he's not in my life and that's what I want to work towards

May 23, 2014

It's not wrong to love him. You just have to know that the best, and only way you can act on it now is by keeping your distance and respecting his wishes to break up. You love him, but you love you too. You don't want to set yourself up to be miserable: that is your goal now. Keep your eyes on the prize.

Elseaacych, I really love all of your responses. You seem to be extremely mature and full of wisdom. Thank you

And when you said that I love me too, I think that's spot on. This guy, who claimed to love me is ignoring me and hurting me and yet I still want him back. My pining over him is hurting myself and my self-esteem and I'll eventually have to ask myself when is enough, enough? I love him, but how much longer can I tolerate disrespect in the name of love.

By loving myself, I'll see that I don't deserve this and that I deserve someone better. Logically, I know this and eventually my heart will know it as well.

May 23, 2014

This guy did you a favor. He lacks any sense of autonomy and even if you did reconcile, his mother and her crap, and his continuing to pander to her whims would be a reoccurring issue.

One that would eventually turn from your compassion towards him, to your resentment at him for not being willing to stand up to her and keep her out of the relationship.

He lets someone else do his thinking for him, and that would have been a thick root of unhappiness long-term.

May 23, 2014

My pining over him is hurting myself and my self-esteem and I'll eventually have to ask myself when is enough, enough? I love him, but how much longer can I tolerate disrespect in the name of love.

Now seems like a good time to ask yourself that question.

The worst thing you are dealing with now is a hit to your self esteem. I can tell you've already connected the dots, but you need to step back and evaluate the big picture, and where YOU fit into it, because you frame the picture, and it won't be complete until you know how you want to frame it.

The ended relationship doesn't seem like there were huge particular failings on your part. If you know where you went wrong, and you genuinely did your best to maintain it, you can't let other people's decisions whether to maintain or destroy relationships reflect on your perceptions of yourself after they make their decision to leave. That is their decision, and not yours. You are good enough to be deserving of a healthy relationship, and if your ex can't offer it to you, you have to trust in yourself that you can find many others elsewhere, starting first and foremost with yourself.

Edited May 23, 2014 by elseaacych

May 23, 2014

My childhood friend and I met when I was 8 years old. He was 4 years older than me. Eventually, when I hit 20 years old, we started to date. All this time he depended heavily on his mom.

Couple years later, we break up. Not your common break up, nop. He had his .. mom give me a call. YUP! What a horrible way to break up with somebody. I knew her, of course, since they were family friends. He didn't have the balls to call himself.

Fast forward about 17 years later. He's divorced. He reaches out to me via facebook. Guess who he lives with?... With his mom LOL!

I dodged a bullet. If this guy is a mama's boy, you dodged one too!

May 23, 2014

I totally understand how you feel. My ex hasn't tried to contact me at all after our breakup, and I don't think he ever will. Instead he is out partying and having the time of his life. It hurts deeply. Like you I almost wish he would contact me, because at least then I would know that he is thinking of me. Right now it feels as if our 4 year relationship meant nothing to him. But in the long run, not receiving breadcrumbs is beneficial because it allows us the space we need to heal more quickly without receiving any false hope.

May 23, 2014

My childhood friend and I met when I was 8 years old. He was 4 years older than me. Eventually, when I hit 20 years old, we started to date. All this time he depended heavily on his mom.

Couple years later, we break up. Not your common break up, nop. He had his .. mom give me a call. YUP! What a horrible way to break up with somebody. I knew her, of course, since they were family friends. He didn't have the balls to call himself.

Fast forward about 17 years later. He's divorced. He reaches out to me via facebook. Guess who he lives with?... With his mom LOL!

I dodged a bullet. If this guy is a mama's boy, you dodged one too!

Oh gosh! Haha, tell me you're joking about him living with his mom! But honestly, I can see that being my ex. I'm starting to think that maybe I did dodge a bullet.

Did you ever respond to his Facebook message?

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My 23 year old ex broke up with me because his mom told him to

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