livingnightmare Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Well after all my never ending story I now find out I was cheated on towards the end of the relationship, so I was left for another. I'm so angry right now. Edit: After beating the **** out my heavy bag for a short while (need to work on my stamina) with feet, fists, head butts and my baseball bat, I feel at calm within myself. Edited May 11, 2014 by livingnightmare Quick anger workout.
FredJones80 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Well after all my never ending story I now find out I was cheated on towards the end of the relationship, so I was left for another. I'm so angry right now. Oh.. sigh How had this come about?
Author livingnightmare Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 From reading on here on others story's, niggling thoughts in my head so I done what I said I wouldn't and I asked and put out my reasons why. She admitted that she cheated once after weeks of arguing a few weeks before we split, says she was so enraged she couldn't see us anymore and in her head it was all ready over between us, because of the constant abusive arguing. Says she felt guilty the next day after the alcohol and reality had worn off set in and hated herself, new she had now completely destroyed everything and there was no turning back. So she kept pushing me to hate her at the end she says, so I wouldn't want her in my life, and the rest is in the other threads. I feel down today, I don't know what to think about it any more, I wish I didnt think about it, I just feel betrayed and fooled that this relationship and our family , myself, could have meant so little to her, that it wasn't worth fighting for, every memory just feels so false and so bitter.
Itspointless Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 She admitted that she cheated once after weeks of arguing a few weeks before we split, says she was so enraged she couldn't see us anymore and in her head it was all ready over between us, because of the constant abusive arguing. You know what I read ? The drinking and cheating resulted from wanting to have some kind of control. That she was enraged does tell you that what happened between you two did move her tremendously. Just as this fact moves you. Everything that happened between you two does not read as a lack of feeling. The fact she told you after you asked means that it still moves her in a way. Sometimes we are not meant to be together even as we move each-other as few people do. Anyway good for you for beating that heavy bag. In this way your anger has a good output and does not have the chance to become toxic. Hang on there!
Author livingnightmare Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 You know what I read ? The drinking and cheating resulted from wanting to have some kind of control. That she was enraged does tell you that what happened between you two did move her tremendously. Just as this fact moves you. Everything that happened between you two does not read as a lack of feeling. The fact she told you after you asked means that it still moves her in a way. Sometimes we are not meant to be together even as we move each-other as few people do. Anyway good for you for beating that heavy bag. In this way your anger has a good output and does not have the chance to become toxic. Hang on there! It feels like I never meant a thing to her and the way she treated me at the end has shown me how little our family and myself meant to her, I cant see how someone can love someone and end things in such a way.
Itspointless Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 It feels like I never meant a thing to her and the way she treated me at the end has shown me how little our family and myself meant to her, I cant see how someone can love someone and end things in such a way. Perhaps we - I speak here for myself too - should be happy that we cant understand everything. It means that at least and despite all our personal strengths and weaknesses we are in the end quite normal. I also do not know if love is the right term for everything that we discuss here on these forums. Perhaps it sometimes is better to speak about strong emotions for each-other where people gravitate for a certain time to each-other.
Author livingnightmare Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Perhaps we - I speak here for myself too - should be happy that we cant understand everything. It means that at least and despite all our personal strengths and weaknesses we are in the end quite normal. I also do not know if love is the right term for everything that we discuss here on these forums. Perhaps it sometimes is better to speak about strong emotions for each-other where people gravitate for a certain time to each-other. I agree, I sometimes wish I wasn't normal and had a heart of stone, this would have been dealt with years ago. I often think of that and bounce between was I in love, I was in love, maybe I don't know what love is..... Regarding her I don't think it was love, she says it was, but how can you love someone turn your back on them, cheat on them replace them then say they were in love the whole time, even a long time after the split. I just want to wake up and this nightmare is over, I don't even know if I ever want to trust anyone ever again, this has left a bitter taste in me, I don't even know how I have carried on at times Ive felt so down, but at the same time I'm as lonely as I can be in life. Ive done everything I'm suppose to do as far as I know, I just cant break free from these chains in my head. Lifes just cruel sometimes and it makes me really wonder what is the point in being nice when all it does is get you stabbed in the back. I'm now thinking what's next for her to spring on my life, I bet it will be when I am moving on again. If I never had a child with her I would have deleted her and never had contact again, this is so hard at times, I really don't want to see her or hear of her again, but I'm trapped, the feeling of getting revenge is running deep in me at the moment.
Itspointless Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I often think of that and bounce between was I in love, I was in love, maybe I don't know what love is..... Regarding her I don't think it was love, she says it was, but how can you love someone turn your back on them, cheat on them replace them then say they were in love the whole time, even a long time after the split Perhaps it was her version of love. Love is something that has been talked about for thousands of years and I think there is not a definition that people will agree on (let alone dysfunctional types and motivations of love). I just cant break free from these chains in my head. Lifes just cruel sometimes and it makes me really wonder what is the point in being nice when all it does is get you stabbed in the back.I have never been in your situation, but 10 to 16 years ago I wouldn't have thought that I would enjoy life again. Positive things will come again (often unexpectedly). It wouldn't surprise me if your kid will be the source of much joy for you and space in your heart and head.
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