Eggplant Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 How often does it happen that a woman propositions a taken man who turns her down on moral grounds? I am very curious about the distribution of men who are honorable that way. Are most men who seem reasonably good-hearted going to of course reject a woman who offers herself to him? Or are most men unable to resist? Are there any loyal men here who have turned down a woman who wanted to seduce him, or do you know of any such cases? (Well first of all, how often do women go after married men?) What is your take on how people behave? I'm a woman, and somewhat young still, and I have trouble getting any gut feeling about the reality of behavior because it's not the kind of thing I ever observe.
CarrieT Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I've been turned down on moral grounds, so it *does* happen!
Timmos Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 "Are there any loyal men here who have turned down a woman who wanted to seduce him..." Yes. And it wasn't even that difficult. 3
Koopa Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I have never turned down a proposition, even when my neighbors wife wanted to hook up I could not resist. The Offspring said it best "I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb, I'm just a sucker with no self esteem"
forbidden_love Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 This is a ridiculous question, how long is a piece of string, depends how happy they are, depends how attractive - lots of variables. IMO it is usually the married men who are doing the propositions. My MM pursued me for many months at various functions. I thought we were just really good friends until one day WHAM. He later told me he wanted me from the very first time he saw me. I have never pursued a man and never have to.
Koopa Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 This is a ridiculous question, how long is a piece of string, depends how happy they are, depends how attractive - lots of variables. IMO it is usually the married men who are doing the propositions. My MM pursued me for many months at various functions. I thought we were just really good friends until one day WHAM. He later told me he wanted me from the very first time he saw me. I have never pursued a man and never have to. im not sure you understood the question, she is asking how often men turn down down women. women turn down men all the time that is common knowledge
Koopa Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 My husband turns down women all the time who hit on him. My sister's husband does as well. Just keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night
Grumpybutfun Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Every single time I turn them down....I find it annoying especially since stating matter of factly that I am married seems to invite more flirting so I have to get major grumpy with no fun. I get teased unmercifully about it at work too which really messes with my chi. Women can be very aggressive. It just makes me angry because I find it insulting to my integrity and to my wife. I know very few men who cheat on their wives, actually, and the ones who do are a$$e$ in almost all other aspects of their lives. I have a really healthy ego. I sowed enough wild oats when single to know that I was ready for monogamy and commitment. Not interested, Grumpywhenpropositioned 11
Anela Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Just keep telling yourself that if it helps you sleep at night Why do have such a need to make women think that their husbands are cheating on them? Does it help you sleep at night? 5
man_in_the_box Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I can assure you I would turn it down if it ever happened. 4
DKT3 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I had is happen a few days ago getting gas and with my son in the car. She was very bold. I would say it happens a lot, but it happens.
cocorico Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 How often does it happen that a woman propositions a taken man who turns her down on moral grounds? I am very curious about the distribution of men who are honorable that way. Are most men who seem reasonably good-hearted going to of course reject a woman who offers herself to him? Or are most men unable to resist? Are there any loyal men here who have turned down a woman who wanted to seduce him, or do you know of any such cases? (Well first of all, how often do women go after married men?) What is your take on how people behave? I'm a woman, and somewhat young still, and I have trouble getting any gut feeling about the reality of behavior because it's not the kind of thing I ever observe. During my H's 1st M, he turned down several advances from women, including one from someone who is now a great friend of ours. It was only when he found himself in an unsustainable position, having reluctantly agreed to take back his then-W when she begged and pleaded and made all manner of (empty) promises, that he saw no other way of surviving in his M until the kids were old enough and finally gave in.
dichotomy Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Old joke - "I would NEVER cheat on my wife !....but its nice to be asked." I have had women flirt a little with me, but never had a blatant offer. I suspect in my age group and locality they are more subtle about it. However last year I am reasonably certain I had a woman I know in town, who may have a thing for me, may have take some steps in that direction at a conference, and wanted to see if I would take a step. I did not, but with issues in my marriage, I thought about it for a fleeting time. But I suppose what defines us (moral character) is what we do and not what we think about. I think younger women, and other parts of the United states (or world) there is more straight forwardness about offers to men, married or not. I did get chatted up more when I traveled to NY or Boston. Edited May 11, 2014 by dichotomy 1
Smilecharmer Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Every single time I turn them down....I find it annoying especially since stating matter of factly that I am married seems to invite more flirting so I have to get major grumpy with no fun. I get teased unmercifully about it at work too which really messes with my chi. Women can be very aggressive. It just makes me angry because I find it insulting to my integrity and to my wife. I know very few men who cheat on their wives, actually, and the ones who do are a$$e$ in almost all other aspects of their lives. I have a really healthy ego. I sowed enough wild oats when single to know that I was ready for monogamy and commitment. Not interested, Grumpywhenpropositioned You are a keeper...you need to be locked away. 2
Owl6118 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I am very curious about the distribution of men who are honorable that way. Are most men who seem reasonably good-hearted going to of course reject a woman who offers herself to him? Or are most men unable to resist? Are there any loyal men here who have turned down a woman who wanted to seduce him, or do you know of any such cases? Many men who are loyal by nature to their partners send off signals that keeps the pass from happening in the first place. They are friendly but not flirty, and turn a few degrees cooler the instant something even sticks a toenail across the line of appropriate. Essentially they kill passes before they even have a chance to get started, usually without even being aware of them. I am not saying that ALL loyal men are like this--I am sure there are plenty of other guys who are loyal as the day is long, but also a bit more flirty by nature. But the former is how it works for me, up to and through decades of working as a straight man in majority-female workplaces. 5
not-so-sure Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) I suppose what defines us (moral character) is what we do and not what we think about. Tangential to the thread but I believe this 100%. No one gives a fig what you think. It's what you do that matters. Edited May 11, 2014 by not-so-sure
SolG Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 The industry I work in involves lots of travel and quite a few men are in high status employment. The kind of guys a lot of women seem to just gravitate towards. Over the years I'd say my observation is that a good half cheat on a casual, opportunity basis when away from home. Some really blatantly, others more discreetly. Definitely a culture of what happens away, stays away. But plus side, about half appear NOT to cheat despite many, many opportunities. And there doesn't seem to be any really obvious correlation between apparent marital happiness, wife's appearance, volume of offers, attractiveness of the guy, attractiveness of the girl making the offer, etc. At the end of the day it appears that it is an innate individual moral and ethical stance. Some do, some don't. 3
Tressugar Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) I believe a morally ethical spoken for man has the strength to walk away. Edited May 11, 2014 by Tressugar 3
dichotomy Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Every single time I turn them down....I find it annoying especially since stating matter of factly that I am married seems to invite more flirting so I have to get major grumpy with no fun. I get teased unmercifully about it at work too which really messes with my chi. Women can be very aggressive. It just makes me angry because I find it insulting to my integrity and to my wife. I know very few men who cheat on their wives, actually, and the ones who do are a$$e$ in almost all other aspects of their lives. I have a really healthy ego. I sowed enough wild oats when single to know that I was ready for monogamy and commitment. Not interested, Grumpywhenpropositioned "Women want to be with him, men want to be him" The name is butfun, Grumpybutfun. 2
Ladydrib Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 How often does it happen that a woman propositions a taken man who turns her down on moral grounds? I am very curious about the distribution of men who are honorable that way. Are most men who seem reasonably good-hearted going to of course reject a woman who offers herself to him? Or are most men unable to resist? Are there any loyal men here who have turned down a woman who wanted to seduce him, or do you know of any such cases? (Well first of all, how often do women go after married men?) What is your take on how people behave? I'm a woman, and somewhat young still, and I have trouble getting any gut feeling about the reality of behavior because it's not the kind of thing I ever observe. I don't think it's a matter of whether some men are strong, honorable, loyal or whatever. I think it's a matter of where they draw the line. Look at it as a scale. On the far left side, a man won't initiate flirting, nor will he reciprocate flirting. As you move closer and closer to the right side of the scale, the stakes increase. For example the next point on this scale might be that flirting is okay, but their line is at that point on the scale. And then keep moving over to the right. You pass kissing. You pass a one might stand. You pass a long term affair. Then at the far right of the scale is the man leaves his wife. I don't think morals have much to do with where a man ends on this scale. Yes, morals have an influence, but the are the voice of reason rather than the driving force as to where they land on the scale. So for example, maybe a man wants to land on the one night stand point. But his morals are tugging against his desire so they ultimately keep him from moving beyond a kiss. It's not how loyal they are, rather it's how happy are they in their marriage? How happy are they with only one partner? It's their level of happiness that determines where they "want" to stop on that scale. It's their morals which may cut their progression on that scale to land closer to the left. I believe many men stop at leaving. They may want to, but the logic they've used to do the things on the rest of the scale was probably "I want this bad and not hurting anyone because what my wife doesn't know won't hurt her". However they can't say that about leaving. All the more reason to give into their desires. They want something else, but they often can't bring themselves to leave. So it's a balance between desires and obligations. Also, men who are in positions to "turn women down" have somehow played a role in escalating to get to that point. Maybe it was flirting. Maybe it was obvious chemistry. But most often, women don't come on to men without some sort of signals that the men themselves are sending. So if someone's husband is turning women down a lot, you'd have to wonder what that man was putting out there to be getting hit on so much.
2.50 a gallon Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I am retired and to my amazement I am still being hit on. However, I am in a long term relationship, so always say no. The strange thing is that they are all 40 and under, and some of them, such as a former grocery clerk, know the both of us. She was English, and every time I was shopping alone always had to tell me the latest dirty ditty she had heard. She also many times offered to cook me an English dish called Bangers. In my youth it was quite common to be hit on. What surprised me, was after I married and began wearing a ring, I swear it was like a magnet. I always said no, until we broke up. There were a couple of bars that seemed to attract the married men chasers and it was almost a certain that I could bring some girly home. I would tell them she was away for the weekend visiting her mom. I would put out a photo two of her, along with a wedding picture. The always noticed, "Your wife is beautiful" Then f my brains out, wanting to out do her
carhill Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 How often does it happen that a woman propositions a taken man who turns her down on moral grounds? I would imagine attractive and successful men get it more, but for myself, being average in both regards, it averaged once or twice a year while married, for ten years. When I had an EA, I sought out a specific person and one whom had never approached me while I was married. In any event, I would have never entertained a sexual relationship with anyone other than my spouse while married, but do recognize that such relationships (other married women, primarily) were available and demonstrated. YMMV!
Grumpybutfun Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 "Women want to be with him, men want to be him" The name is butfun, Grumpybutfun. I see what you did there....it took me a minute, okay a few minutes, you are such a dichotomy, wrapped in an enigma.... Actually, I don't get why women hit on me. I'm pretty stoic and reserved IRL. If men want to be me, it is because I have an incredibly lovely and sweet wife....what was it Paul Newman said about Joanne Woodward? Why would I want hamburger when I have Filet Mignon at home? G 9
Haydn Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Grumps your such a heel! But i can imagine you not even noticing when a stunning raven haired beauty is checking you out. But OP, as a youngster of course i accepted being joined at the bar by a bevvy of fit and eager girlies and warded of all advances bar a few. As a man in his early 30`s and has fatherhood tattooed on his forehead. If i am hit on, then i politely make my excuses. 1
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