lollypop1307 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Went on a night out a few months ago and met a guy. We chatted for half an hour or so and hebought me a drink. He tried to kiss meand I told him I don’t kiss in night clubs. So he invited me back. I politelydeclined. He bumped into me at the end of the night and asked for mynumber which I gave him We then texted for a few weeks afterwards. He text me first 9 times out of 10. His texts were long and he always asked melots about myself We arranged to meet up on a night out a few weekslater. I was out with my girl mates andhe was out with his guy mates so we said we’d meet for a drink at some pointduring the night. We didn’t end up meeting until about 2am. We met and had a dance. He invited me back for a party so I went. There wasn’t a party and we ended up sleeping together. We slept together the following morning. He dropped me home and gave me a kiss goodbye. I text him that night just telling him I’d realised I’d leftsomething there. We text regularly forthe next week. Sometimes him startingthe conversations sometimes me. I was going out the following weekend and he text me thatevening asking what I was doing. I told him I was out and he said he was staying home. He asked if he should expect drunken messages and someone needing tocome and charge their phone. I said becareful I’ll think that’s an invite. Wethen arranged for me to come over after I’d finished with the girls. He told me I could come back after, any time,whether it was 11pm or 4am I came back about 1am. We cuddled in bed and watched a movie. We slept together again When I left the next day I decided i’d wait and see if hewould text first this time. He text methe same day We continued to text for the next few days and ended upgoing out on the same night out again! He was with his friends and me with mine. We caught eyes at the bar but I didn’t wantto go over as he was with his friends. We also passed each other a few times. He didn’t approach me and I didn’t approach him. I felt awkward because neither of our friendsknew who each other was and I’d never been out with him when we hadn’t slept together. He text asking where I was, to which I replied offering tomeet. He didn’t reply again and when Iwoke up I woke to a missed call at 4am. I started to think he was only interested for the sex so Isent a message the following morning asking him if he wanted a film day, nofunny business. He didn’t reply all day. He text me the following day saying he’d been out. Our conversation then carried on, he’d alwaysask questions but he’d often take a day or two to reply. The last texts we exchanged was nearly two weeks ago and Iended the conversation. After not hearing back for a week I text him when I was outsaying to “come out for a drink” at about 12pm when I was already out (I knewhe was busy but thought he might of wanted to come out after). But he didn’t reply. I haven’t text him again except for a groupmessage that was sent out to my contact list inviting anyone who wanted to joinon a big festival in Spain. What is he thinking? What am I meant to do? I feelcompletely gutted and a bit used. Did Iplay it too cool? Should I text and askif everything’s okay? How long do I leave it? I’ve also sent a few snap chats but these have gone to all my snap list.
michellew Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Don't text him. He'll text you when he wants sex again. This is clearly a booty call from the beginning and when you invited him to a movie, he probably sensed you wanted more therefore he backed off because that's not what he wants. 4
MrMeh Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 A guy that calls you at four in the morning is only looking for one thing. 2
Author lollypop1307 Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Thanks for the quick replies. I guess I have a lot to learn! I was with my ex from 16 and for 7 years so I am new to all this. That's the last time I'll do anything like that. I just don't understand why a guy would make the effort to text you for so long and so much if he only wanted sex. Surely they can just go and get that without having to do all the time wasting and texting and stuff first!!
Frank85 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Im afraid he may have just wanted sex and nothing more. what else u expect from someone u meet on a night out... 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 You're his booty call. You don't need to ask if everything is ok. What is there to be ok? He gets in touch when he thinks he can get some physical intimacy. If you're ok with casual sexual arrangement, go forth and enjoy. If you're looking for something more serious, abort mission. 1
SYLLPalmer Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I am sorry. This lesson comes again and again because the details are always slightly different. Women carry the burden of holding out. Once you give in you loose your power. Don't be sad, it isn't worth it. Your worth has not changed. You are a woman, that is why you suffer. Turn your back and leave it behind you as quickly as you can. You gave of yourself to the wrong man. That is all. I just did it myself again at 42! Paralyzing and humiliating at first but hindsight shows me he was ... vain, selfish and awkward. That is life. Everyone keeps moving and so should you. I am! 3
Omei Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 You should of clued in from the very start when he invited you to a party and when you showed up there wasn't one, tricking you into getting into his place alone is so uncool did that not bother you? And you slept with him anyway? 3
Omei Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Actually I was thinking on it further lying to get you to go to a party you're lucky all he wanted was sex you were alone what if his intentions were something so much worse! I would of walked in saw the lie got totally freaked and turn right around to leave or at least go back into public with him scary stuff. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 What is he thinking? What am I meant to do? I feelcompletely gutted and a bit used. Did Iplay it too cool? Should I text and askif everything’s okay? How long do I leave it? I’ve also sent a few snap chats but these have gone to all my snap list. What? No! You didn't play it cool in the slightest. He probably think you're only after what he's after too, casual sex. I've got nothing against casual sex and have indulged in it during my history too. But if I really actually like a guy, I won't sleep with him until/unless we're exclusively and officially dating, because I know how much it'd hurt to be that close to somebody who went on to reject me. If you'd slept together as quickly as you did but he was interested in you as more than a booty call, you'd know. He'd be texting, calling, asking you out on proper dates not just post-club hook ups. Lesson learnt, move on from this one and don't get so intimate with people again until you know the score and what they/you are looking for. If it's just sex then great, as long as you both want only that. But I think you were looking for, or open to the possibility of, more... and now feel hurt because he isn't showing signs he's into you. 3
hoping2heal Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Text messages are not substantive communication (no matter how convinient they may be). I think when he invited you home for a "party" ..no wait, let me back up..okay, so when you said you didn't kiss in night clubs and he asked you to go home with him, I think that was red flag #1. Back to the fake party invite. You had sex with the guy. Maybe he respects you, maybe he doesn't (double standards n awl) but he quite clearly doesn't want or envision you beyond sex. I'm not trying to slut shame here - live your life or whatever that is they say - but you would have known more about who he is if you had waited to get to know eachother before you had sex. That's a lesson for the road so this doesn't happen again. As much as you claim to not understand; for an outsider it's quite simple to see. 1
joystickd Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I am sorry. This lesson comes again and again because the details are always slightly different. Women carry the burden of holding out. Once you give in you loose your power. Don't be sad, it isn't worth it. Your worth has not changed. You are a woman, that is why you suffer. Turn your back and leave it behind you as quickly as you can. You gave of yourself to the wrong man. That is all. I just did it myself again at 42! Paralyzing and humiliating at first but hindsight shows me he was ... vain, selfish and awkward. That is life. Everyone keeps moving and so should you. I am! It's not even a matter of holding out. He just didn't see her as relationship material. If she would have held out and then had sex the possibility is strong that he still wouldn't see her as relationship material. It's better sooner than later. It's wrong to manipulate someone into a connection by using the promise of sex. It's either they feel it or don't. He didn't see that possibility in her. We all get rejected and you only create a cycle of manipulation if she decided to play the power struggling woman so she can get her way. Childish:mad:
joystickd Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 You should of clued in from the very start when he invited you to a party and when you showed up there wasn't one, tricking you into getting into his place alone is so uncool did that not bother you? And you slept with him anyway? She wanted to give up the kitty.
SYLLPalmer Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 It's not even a matter of holding out. He just didn't see her as relationship material. If she would have held out and then had sex the possibility is strong that he still wouldn't see her as relationship material. It's better sooner than later. It's wrong to manipulate someone into a connection by using the promise of sex. It's either they feel it or don't. He didn't see that possibility in her. We all get rejected and you only create a cycle of manipulation if she decided to play the power struggling woman so she can get her way. Childish:mad: I don't recall recommending that anyone hold out or use sex. I was pointing out that once sex happens we, women that is, become emotionally attached and thus more vulnerable. More vulnerable = loss of power. It is a risk we must accept. Period. BTW when guys don't totally suck in the sack and are willing to keep their erection for a sensible amount of time, sex can be gratifying for women too. We do get something out of it. Further you CANT manipulate someone into a connection. If we could I would have manipulated myself into one long ago. Lastly he knew he wanted nothing with her before and after the act. Lets hold him accountable for being a user and a manipulator. By and large most women want more than sex. On an even playing field we wouldn't have these disconnects. A dude with integrity wouldn't bang a chick just to get off. He would refrain and rub one out. 1
joystickd Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I don't recall recommending that anyone hold out or use sex. I was pointing out that once sex happens we, women that is, become emotionally attached and thus more vulnerable. More vulnerable = loss of power. It is a risk we must accept. Period. BTW when guys don't totally suck in the sack and are willing to keep their erection for a sensible amount of time, sex can be gratifying for women too. We do get something out of it. Further you CANT manipulate someone into a connection. If we could I would have manipulated myself into one long ago. Lastly he knew he wanted nothing with her before and after the act. Lets hold him accountable for being a user and a manipulator. By and large most women want more than sex. On an even playing field we wouldn't have these disconnects. A dude with integrity wouldn't bang a chick just to get off. He would refrain and rub one out. You can't use a willing participant. She wanted it just as much as he did
SYLLPalmer Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 You can't use a willing participant. She wanted it just as much as he did Whether she was used or not is really a matter of semantics. He knew the outcome and she didn't. That is the problem. If she knew what she was participating in then we wouldn't be in this thread. People engage in sex for different reasons at different times. It isn't always to get off. The act of sex often involves affection and that can be misconstrued as caring especially when the one that perceives it feels affection in the first place. There can be lies or give lip service to facilitate progress further clouding the issue. Ultimately she wanted more than he did. She believed based on his behavior that their interests were commensurate. He got want he wanted and bailed and she feels like a fool. Whether she was aroused or not is irrelevant. "She wanted it just as much as he did." We have heard that before.... like from the mouth of the defendant's lawyer in a 1980s drama on lifetime television for women. It holds no water and is designed to make the audience hate the defendant. 1
SJC2008 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 They both had a fling but she's the victim? Was the guy only looking for sex? Probably and she gave it to him. In the future if you want more than a fling don't have one. 1
Mr Scorpio Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I just don't understand why a guy would make the effort to text you for so long and so much if he only wanted sex. Surely they can just go and get that without having to do all the time wasting and texting and stuff first!! FFS. As if texting is some arduous process? As opposed to spending a few hundred dollars? You were used. No more, no less. 1
Koopa Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 If you want to keep a guy around I have one word for you, Sandwiches!!! the quickest way to mans heart is not through his D*** but his stomach 2
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 FFS. As if texting is some arduous process? As opposed to spending a few hundred dollars? You were used. No more, no less. Exactly... I don't get this mentality. I spent a couple of months texting one guy literally constantly towards the end of last year/start of this year. I mean constantly, thousands of messages. I had the time at that point because I was in an essay writing period so the phone was always there. It's enjoyable, it passed the time, we were getting to know one another in addition to phone calls and meeting up. Ultimately I just wasn't that into him in the end, and I realised after about five visits (LDR situation). He could easily have said 'but she texted me hundreds of times a day for two months!?' but he didn't, because as the poster said above, texting is not an arduous process. Especially if it's hoped that sex might be at the end of it. I made this mistake at 17.. met a guy in a club, slept with him the next day, and every day for a week. Then he stopped asking me out and I was absolutely devastated, I remember saying to my friend it's not even that I like him that much! The sex was average, and we didn't click on any other level either. But the fact that I had gotten that close to him physically and then he had blown me off was extremely painful and I've never really gone in for early sex with somebody I might end up really liking again. He even asked me for anal on the first night, and told me that he'd been telling his friends all about our night together. He wasn't exactly being opaque about his intentions but at 17 I wasn't quite as clued up as I am now. We met up again eight years later, bumped into one another online dating an were both single. Had a drink, still very little proper chemistry, and went back to mine, slept together again. After that he tried the play it cool don't get in touch thing for a week and I didn't bother because I was no longer into him at all. Then he tried asking me out again, and I was too busy and just didn't want to. And a week later, again, and I had to blow him off because I wasn't feeling it. Then I wound up in a relationship and he still pops up every couple months with a 'hey, how are you? It's been a while!' text, which after a couple of messages includes 'so, you still with your bf?' and when I respond affirmative, he literally doesn't reply again.
superb Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Can someone send me the cliff notes? Man meets woman. They are out socially drinking..one thing leads to another and sex happens. Happens a few more times and the guy stops replying. In a nutshell.
Leigh 87 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 umm, geez well I think he must have been really into you but just happened to have ignored you after you had sex. SOMETIMES, guys just hang out with you and have sex, and then they just don't bother calling or seeing you again until they call at 4am or meet you our and suggest sex. Guys who are really into a girl do this ALL the time. They have sudden amnesia, and they forget how amazing you are and just "forget" to call until they suddenly desire to have sex, and decide that you are actually a great option! THAT is when they come around, and realise how crazy about you they truly are. Really, lollypop1307? Why might a man want to have sex with a woman and then stop calling or texting her regularly afterwards?
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