yorkie Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 my ex texted me in an argument whilst i was in hospital and she said that my new gf is only a 5 min rebound! why would she say that. she was the one who left me! that confused me but to be honest gave me strength! and gave me some power back tbh! but the advice i need is why does the dumper treat me the dumpee like im the one in a rebound relationship when she moved in with her affair BF after a few months after the break up? i dont understand that to be honest? im quite happy now with my new GF and we are taking things slow she hasnt moved in with me but does spend alot of time with me and my kids and my kids like her alot. im moving on well tbh really well. i am so lucky i have found someone who for one i care alot about and two she does care alot about me. we are moving on. why is the ex jealous of that?
KaliLove Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Things are probably no going well with her new boyfriend and she's jealous that you're happy. Why are you allowing her to speak to you at all? 3
FredJones80 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Sounds like a right jealous bitch. Take no notice, she obviously regrets giving up something good. I would take it her affair fling isn't all he is cracked up to be... ahh, justice Guess the initial passion as worn off and he doesn't live up to you. Excellent. 4
Chi townD Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 It's weird. Our Ex's want to move on from us, but they don't want us to move on from them. That if you're able to move on from them, then they start thinking that they never really mattered to us if we're able to move on without them. 1
STM206 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Sounds like a right jealous bitch. Take no notice, she obviously regrets giving up something good. I would take it her affair fling isn't all he is cracked up to be... ahh, justice Guess the initial passion as worn off and he doesn't live up to you. Excellent. Lol! I love this response. Not to sound vindictive but Fred is right - she's stuck in a rut and she isn't happy to see you moving forward. If you insist on continuing communication with her, please be sure to reiterate that "YOU LEFT ME, get over it". 1
Author yorkie Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Hi all ans thanks for the replies. The reason why i have to have LC is because of the kids. and the argument started off with why i didnt tell her i was in hospital and why my new gf was looking after the kids instead of her. Tbh i didnt know how long i was going into hospital for and its my time with the kids and i knew my ex was at work as she works nights. I just feel that she is treating me as the dumper and still playing the victim. I am moving on. Moving quite well tbh even though yes there are times when i miss the ex badly. But she left me. Anyway you have all confirmed what i waz thinking she is a selfish ex and doesnt like the idea im moving on to a better place ( i hope).
Lifegoezon Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 That's new information. What she said about your new gf could of course be what the others have described. But could she have also have been referring specifically to you leaving her kids with a woman you've recently started seeing? I must say that I'd be unhappy about my kids being left with my ex's new squeeze without even being consulted. She maybe would have preferred to make other arrangements herself while you were out of action. I know I would. Maybe that's what pixxed her off and it wasn't anything to do with jealousy about you.
Author yorkie Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 well the thing is she moved in with her new fella and she works nights so when she is at work which is sometimes all weekend her new bf has to lok after the kids! which i wasnt happy about but i have to respect that its her time with the kids and i have to let her or trust her instincts or trust her decision regarding child care. so it does go both ways and as for my gf i have known her a long time 7 years infact yes i have been seeing her 5 months plus now and the kids like her and are happy to spend time with her. yes i can see your point, dont get me wrong im not arguing but it again seems one rule for one and one for another. but the bit i didnt appreciate was the fact she thinks its a 5 min rebound yet she feels she is perfect!
Lifegoezon Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 well the thing is she moved in with her new fella and she works nights so when she is at work which is sometimes all weekend her new bf has to lok after the kids! which i wasnt happy about but i have to respect that its her time with the kids and i have to let her or trust her instincts or trust her decision regarding child care. so it does go both ways and as for my gf i have known her a long time 7 years infact yes i have been seeing her 5 months plus now and the kids like her and are happy to spend time with her. yes i can see your point, dont get me wrong im not arguing but it again seems one rule for one and one for another. but the bit i didnt appreciate was the fact she thinks its a 5 min rebound yet she feels she is perfect! Seems like you both moved onto new people pretty quickly. I can see why she'd make that assumption. Time will tell on that. Agreed you should each trust the other parent until they do something to damage it and of course new people will come into your kids lives. But I don't think either of you is disrespecting the other's time with them if that parent isn't even there. Imo her issue might be more about the kids than not wanting you to move on - unless of course she wasn't in a position to have them herself while you were indisposed. If she'd have been leaving them with her new bf she doesn't have much of an argument.
Lifegoezon Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Just to add that I don't mean to sound critical at all. Sometimes the child factor just muddies the waters of our own emotions. They can be used where they are not really the issue of course, but sometimes it's really just about them. Our ex isn't always using them to get at us. Getting the contact time balance right isn't easy but it's worth getting it right and its the kids needs that have to rule. My rule is that if my ex can't have our kids when he's supposed to I want first dibs before he leaves them with anyone else. And he is the same. We have a rotation that takes planned absence into account and in an emergency we'd discuss a swap. That's just our way.
Author yorkie Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 lifegoeson, i applaud you both for that sadly me and my ex dont get on at all! yes i am part to blame for that as i dont want anything to do with her i am a single father at home with my two kids she left and for the first 3 months was out partying with her new fella! end of the day whats happened has happened but i have the kids most of the time because they live with me and i am learning to look after my kids on my own as she has let them down badly yes she is trying to make amends but any woman who puts a new guy before her kids doesnt deserve to be called a mother in my eyes! dont get me wrong i have never and i repeat that never tried stopping the kids from seeing her as i think its important for them to have a relationship with there mum, but due to circumstances that happened after the split i need to rely on other people to. and my new gf is brilliant with my kids and i one day and i say one day hopefully things will progress and she can be my live in partner as well. but it has to be right not just for me but my kids i have put my kids first in every aspect of my life and they are in a stable environment which is there home. whether people think its right or wrong that i had my gf look after my kids for two nights at my house which is the kids home is up to them i did it because my kids want to be at home not in a house with there mum and a house they dont call home. but yes i just found it very cheeky that she says im in the rebound relationship! end of the day she left! i dont want her back at all, i just wish she wouldnt judge me on what she doesnt know. it was a massive shock! i now couldnt care less about her relationship.
Lifegoezon Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I do feel for you as parent with care. It's not an easy job. You have to have somewhere to go when you can't be there for them. Maybe the mother should be the first call. If she can't do it then she can't complain at whatever you then arrange. But I still think it's possible her objections are about the kids rather than about your new relationship. I'm sure you're doing a good job in difficult circumstances. I'm not on great terms with my ex so I know how hard it is. (He's not the ex that brought me here btw) I hope you can get some sort of working relationship going - I know it's not easy.
Author yorkie Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 thanks for your kind words! tbh yeah my ex has moved on and i have also! yes dont get me wrong i still have issues from that relationship as she cheated but tbh how dare her say its a rebound! she doesnt know but also its my choice on my time who has my children if not me and i stand by that i am the main parent rightly or wrongly worded and i do as i see fit! not having a go but i know whats best for my kids! and its tough being a single parent especially being the dad as society always backs the mother. but i know my kids are happy they want to live with me and i will continue to do things my way, but that doesnt mean my ex doesnt have a say in certain things but they live with me so i do as i see fit. i always try to make the kids see there mum even when they dont want to and through gritted teeth but i do that for my kids so i aint a bad guy lol but to me its like she wont let me move on! she is hoping i fail
FredJones80 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I think the fact your kids are with you yorkie is admirable as most decent mothers would tend to end up with the kids. Keep your chin up fella. You're an inspiration and I wish a lot of the low life "sperm donors" who bring children in to this world but do nothing more would take a leaf out of your book. *round of applause* 1
Author yorkie Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Thanks for the kind words and yes i will do anything for my kids. Im sure most guys could given the chance. Im lucky very lucky
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