steelgator Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I was wondering if it would be better to stay off of Loveshack. In one aspect, I feel like knowing others are going through or have gone through the same thing makes me feel like I'm not alone. On the other hand, I feel like I just come here looking for answers when I won't find any. And the more I come on here the more it makes me dwell on the breakup. Thoughts? Any of you feel the same?
STM206 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I was wondering if it would be better to stay off of Loveshack. In one aspect, I feel like knowing others are going through or have gone through the same thing makes me feel like I'm not alone. On the other hand, I feel like I just come here looking for answers when I won't find any. And the more I come on here the more it makes me dwell on the breakup. Thoughts? Any of you feel the same? Catch 22 to be honest. I view LS as a place to go, vent, obbsess without having to hear someone say "you aren't over it by now?" I'm thinking about dedicating an alloyed amount of time a day to spend on here as I've found myself using it as a crutch.
lamis Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I haven't been here all that long, but I swear this is the 4th of 5th thread like this I've seen. I think it depends on the person, though. Some people deal best with things by not thinking about them at all, other people want to work through them. I think if you are someone who needs to work through things and need support from people who are going through similar things, then this is a great place to be. If you feel better not thinking about whatever happened to you, then this probably isn't the best place to be. 1
tlegend Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I view LS as a place to vent, and to help other people. You have to realize that everyone has their own problems....we are all human and experience similar situations, and people have been through what you have been through. What perspective they took, and what experiences they shared, may allow you to see your own problems and solutions from a different light. Don't re-invent the wheel. Make it better.
Always Pondering Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I am sometimes reminded of why I joined LS when I get on but I don't think about anything deep and it doesn't impact me mentally so that's not an issue. I enjoy LS though because it's very informative at times and the people here are comforting. They give me the motivation to continue in my healing process and reading stories from others makes me feel fortunate in a way, because I never had it too bad (my ex did not cheat on me, etc.). In my first thread (which is usually the one you make with your issue I figure), the people of LS were very nice to me so I felt welcomed. I also love reading the happy stories! Basically, LS provides more benefits than negatives for me and the negatives are barely anything in my case.
Poppyolive Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 from me its touch and go...I came here after a breakup, it helped me heal, wisen up, move on. When I see other fresh breakups it reminds me how far I've come and I like yo give back. I don't get too involved in the fresh breakups where the dumpee is not in a healthy place. Eg..do the exact opposite to the advice given and their threads to follow are worse, cringe worthy. So for me its about the poster, how they present themselves, if its a needy level 10 clinger of hope then I avoid as I feel it sucks energy when it should be all my own. So I pick & choose the threads I follow. If its something benifencial to me I'll view all the comments. The advise here is great and it's helped me form a better view/description of my next partner. If it's something I dislike or the poster is not in a good place I'll either offer advise if I have experience or don't finish reading it and not follow the thread. There's times I read something inspiring, uplifting & sexy and I love it. Then there is times I read something and it gives me feels of sad...but I too take that and learn from what exactly it is setting off in me or if it has anything yo do with me at all. So it depends on the mental state of the loveshaker and where they are in healing. I tend to be a positive mindful thinker so not much gets me from on here, a lot gets me wound up.... It also depends on the poster ...I feel you have to have something in common, age, expierence, how they present themselves...then your experience will be great...if not move along. I have a list in my head of people I get excited to read their posts...Haydn, barky, grumps, candypants, gaeta, and a few others I can't remember right Now. At the end of the day its night..(mam used to say that) at the end of the day you need to do what feels right for you. 1
me85 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I was wondering if it would be better to stay off of Loveshack. In one aspect, I feel like knowing others are going through or have gone through the same thing makes me feel like I'm not alone. On the other hand, I feel like I just come here looking for answers when I won't find any. And the more I come on here the more it makes me dwell on the breakup. Thoughts? Any of you feel the same? I didn't look at LS for nearly 4 months. I use it just to vent when I really need to. It has it's pros and cons. So many people advise NC but I think there are exceptions to every rule and everyone's situation is not always the same. Yes, most of us on here are going through break ups and NC is important and extremly helpful but there are times when I'm againist it. No real answers on here. Just opinions and advice from people who can relate in some way. Only you can navigate where you want your life to go. Not anyone else. GOOD LUCK TO YOU! 1
JDPT Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 LS does give the false impression during recovery that it's causing more harm than good. However, I can only advise through personal experience that if you stick long enough you will realize that it does help. Later on in recovery you will find yourself coming around less and less.
FredJones80 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I use LS as a way of keeping busy. Chiming in with my opinion fills any "empty" time I might have. I don't tend to dwell on my own situation as much when concentrating on other posts here or talking about similar situations. Although there is only one reason I'm here (obviously) but it doesn't cross my concious so I feel being here only helps me. I was more of a mess before I discovered the site. 1
Lifegoezon Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I sometimes ask myself this question. I think it happens after LS has worked it's healing magic and just proves we don't need it so much. When we've properly started healing it reminds us of the heartache and also because we've moved on we start being less patient with the newly hurting posters we see. Or maybe that's just me! I have been coming less as time has passed but I also feel the obligation to pay it forward as LS really helped when I needed it.
nerdlingZA Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 LS is a cool forum, but one needs a break from it, I personally have taken a few months off LS.
amaysngrace Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Don't you need to hurt in order to heal? I've thrown up all over this place but I've grown so much as well. Sometimes it's just nice to throw your bad feelings out there because it's better out than in. And nobody can be too mean to you because there are rules about that kind of thing. It's very frowned upon. If you aren't growing as a person that's on you, I'm sorry to say, and blaming it on an anonymous forum sounds like you have some work to do on your own. In that way this place can be a distraction from you doing the actual work required, but again, you have only you to blame. Cheers. 3
No Limit Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Well I guess the "thanks LS!"-number of messages written by grateful people who were finally encouraged to behave like they own a backbone does say something positive for LS. For all those people saying "yeah yeah whatever, you guys have no idea what love is anyway"-kind of messages... most of them never return to tell their story, although I've already written a few with people returning being all like "You guys were right, I made a mistake and now I'm back to square 1".
SadNLonley Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I think its a catch 22 as well. I come here to see that Im not the only one going through this situation and get great ideas to help in moving forward to start to heal and feel better about myself, but then sometimes it just keeps reminding me of the relationship and what I miss and what i had. I dont visit the breakup / getting 2nd chances threads anymore though, but to me its just a little too painful to read some of those stories.
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