OrchidGirl Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Ok, so this guy saw me at a party and approached me and basically stayed around me the entire rest of the night. We ended up hanging out for the remainder of the evening and exchanged numbers (his idea). He texted and called me for the next 2 weeks and spent a good amount of time together (not too much). He even spent the night several times (no sex). All of our friends assumed we were "dating" but it was never a label or discussed. He treated me nice and was caring and seemed genuinely inerested. After about 2-3 weeks one evening after he spent the night he said he would call and did not so I waited a couple of days then called him and he acted like nothing was amiss. Once again the same thing happened, he said he'd contact me again but he didnt (even when he was visiting friends in the same building where I live, he didnt stop by). Saw him one evening so I stopped him and we talked for a little bit. Once again he acted like nothing was wrong. So, I brought up the fact that I thought maybe we had been progressing towards dating but I wasn't clear on what he wanted now. He said he found me very attractive but wasnt looking for anything relationship wise right now. I was so confused. Why did he act so inerested before? There was never any sex so it was not just that. We seemed to have a lot in common and be very comfortable with each other. He acted early on like he wanted to date then he just quit. What is up with that? Well, since then (4 months about) I havent talked to him much. See him sometimes though. Even though I have dated other guys (even ones that I like) I still can't get him off my mind. A couple of weekends ago we were both very intoxicated and I ended up going home with him and spending the night (no sex still). he did not call or anything after that night. Last weekend I was pretty drunk again and called him, he was annoyed and I became upset and the conversation ended. He texted me later and asked what I was doing. I ended up going over and spending the night again (still no sex). In the morning asked him to call me so we could hang out sometime. He asked me if I would be partying the following weekend. He stated that he would be partying with some of our mutual friends as usual so I know where to find him. *ouch.* Still can't stop thinking about him. I want to have sex with him also (finally, phew) but I'm not a friends with benefits kinda girl and I would have it that we were at least dating. What is up with this guy?? Will there ever be any hope for him and me together??? Please help! And oh yeah, there is no other girl with him in the picture right now.
EIN Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 why are you so anxious to have "sex" with him? Is sex to you the definition of a relationship or would you rather have intimacy on an emotional and physical level (lot of touching) before deciding to the deed? Personally, I think he is weighing his options and just because you say that no other girls are not in the picture does not mean there isn't. My advice is to wait longer before one night, he gets horny and you both end up making love (to you) when its only sex (to him).
kanga Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Orchid, I apologize for not reading your msg. If you're going to write something so long, please cut the text into paragraphs. Please.
LucreziaBorgia Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 I was so confused. Why did he act so inerested before? There was never any sex so it was not just that. We seemed to have a lot in common and be very comfortable with each other. He acted early on like he wanted to date then he just quit. What is up with that? It sounds like a simple but brutal 'dating casualty': He came on strong because he had a certain image or expectation of who he thought you were, and as he got to know you, he saw that the person he was getting to know isn't the person he was going so hard after. Its just a casualty of dating: you get to know someone and either you decide you like them and want to continue or you don't and you don't want to date them. The bad thing is that people are rarely honest: as its not very easy to tell someone "after I got to know you I am no long interested in dating you". If there is physical attraction, though - it can be difficult, as people aren't above trying to cash in on a physical attraction if they can get away with doing it with a minimum or lack of emotional involvement. That's why some guys keep some girls hanging on like that, and its unfortunate: because 'attraction' does not always mean 'emotional involvement'. I notice that he is still making himself minimally available by dropping you down to "hook up if we see each other out" status, and it sounds like he wouldn't object to being involved sexually but it doesn't sound like he is looking for a committed romantic relationship.
AndrewJ Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Does he seem interested in you enough to have a relationship? If you feel he's up for it talk to him baout it. I like your style about not being able to do FWB.
Hund1976 Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 I would guess he decided that he's not that interested in you anymore. But he's still an average guy so he would probably have sex with you if you ran into him out at a club and invited him home with you. I would say to move on and see what's next in your life.
CurvyGurl Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Men will spend time with a woman up until he has decided whether or not he wants to continue spending time with her. He's done 180 because I am guessing his decision was in the negative.
Merin Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Ever meet someone, like them, spend time with them.. only to find out later that you're not as interested as you had thought It happens. Seems like he likes you.. but not in the "romantic way" and yeah.. that can happen even if he thinks you're attractive.. also.. it does seem odd to me that he would've spent the night(s) with you and he DIDN'T initiate sex.. (or maybe he did, but you weren't down for it?) So I'm going to say this.. A) IF he DID try to initiate sex with you when he was staying over, and you weren't about.. could be that he was into something for the FWB deal and he didn't see it happening so he moved on. B) AND let me note here that yeah I know NOT ALL GUYS are like this.. but I will say that I think *Most* Guys wouldn't stay with a girl they found attractive and looked at in a romantic way without at least trying to initiate sex.. so IF he didn't.. then yeah.. perhaps he just wasn't that interested in dating you like that. Honestly I think a big part of the reason you can't get this guy out of your head is because he's a challenge for you.. Last thing..you don't really know IF there is another girl in the picture even if he isn't dating anyone, doesn't mean he isn't persuing someone else.. and 2.. you also never said if this guy even kissed you.. so is it possible that he just really liked you more as a friend and thats why it became more confusing to you why he wasn't trying to mess around? :Shrugs: eh.. could just be me... Good Luck
FolderWife Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Why can't people HEAR what people SAY instead of what they WANT TO HEAR!?!?!?!?!?!?! He said he found me very attractive but wasnt looking for anything relationship wise right now. Let me give it to you straight....You are attractive. You are fun. You are nice. He is a man. He DOES NOT WANT A GIRLFRIEND. He went out with you for a couple of weeks. He felt you getting to close. He felt you wanting more than just a date once in a while. He backed off to avoid you getting the wrong impression. You already HAD the wrong impression. He doesn't want a girlfriend. He's not ready. In one week, he may be ready. In one year he might be ready. He may never be ready. If you persist, and push him for a relationship, he will write you off completely. If you HAVE SEX WITH HIM, you will think that the two of you mean more than you do, and you will become clingy, and REALLY push him away. So if you like him, hang out with him once in a while. Keep it in your head though, that he's probably got other girlfriends out there...some he sleeps with. It sounds like sex to you isn't casual enough for you to sleep with him. I had a guy like that. We were pretty regulare for a week. We talked on the phone, we went out. Then suddenly, nothing. Two months later, he called me up again. we went out. Then suddenly, nothing. For a month, there was no contact. Then, he called me up again, and we went out and talked on the phone for about two weeks. Then suddenly, nothing. Six months later, I called him up, and I wasn't happy about his consistant disinterest, so I ended up offending him. Havent' heard from him since
Author OrchidGirl Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Thanks everyone for the blunt responses. It's what I needed for sure. (and sorry about not breaking up my paragraphs). Anyways...... So far I have deleted his AIM adress from my computer and (this is a hard step for me) deleted his number from my phone. (no more drunk calls!!!) Therefore, I cannot contact him now! Whew, thanks again for the help and wish me luck.
yelena Posted February 10, 2005 Posted February 10, 2005 yea thats a good move. It took me a while till I did that with the jerk I ended up being the dating casulty:) For future reference as soon as the guy says he is not looking for a relationship know that it is a no win situation. No matter what you do you r not his type, because if he was really interested he wouldn't risk his chances by saying that he is not looking for a girl. There are better guys -trust me.
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