brokenheartwesley Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I met my girlfriend online and we started off as friends with benefits. Initially, she was sort of using me to forget about this guy and I was using her to forget about this girl. We somehow managed to fall in love. We have been officially together for only 2 months, but we were technically together for at least 6-8 months. We are both 21.. Halfway throughout the relationship, I started to have anger outbursts and did not treat her as well as I would have during the start. I did treat her nicely at times though, cooking for her meals and all that. It was one day whereby I went crazy, I told her that I wanted to try having sex with other girls. There was once whereby I went complete bonkers, and cheated on her with another person (a guy that looked like a girl) out of curiosity. Needless to say, I was super guilty and confessed that night. She somehow forgived me. I could not remember but I guess I didn’t not treat her as well as I should have…. And we broke up. We still kept in contact and saw each other, telling each other we loved each other and sex. As far as I’m concerned we were "still together" It was one day whereby she told me that there was this guy who was interested in her. I did not want to be unreasonable so I told her to try things out with that guy before making her decision, and that I wanted her to be happy. We ended having sex that night. I thought she would come back to me, until she told me that she decided to be with the other guy because he was much more mature and a whole bunch of other reasons, she felt that she has given me too many chances and that she merely treated me as a friend, she did mention that what we had was real. I begged her not to leave me. But she did anyways. I sent her a text telling her that what I did wasn’t true, about the cheating and other things. She of course accused me of lying, but said that we were still friends. I gave her my blessings and she did as well. The thing is, before we got together, she lied to me that she slept around a lot because she thought I liked girls like that. I’m truly confused now that I think about it Did I make the right choice by sending that text? Was I a rebound myself? Is the other guy a rebound? Is there any chance I can get her back? I just found out from a friend that she read my messages before, confirming that she knows that what I sent her was a lie.. Despite having relationships with others before me, she had many firsts with me, like bathing together, sharing with me her tumblr, seeing her without make up, and all that... I hope to hear from you guys soon...
No Limit Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 The way it sounds both of you are not even nearly mature enough for a relationship. The question about your message is probably irrelevant anyway, 'cause she's picked someone stable over you and with your cheating doesn't trust your guts anymore. She's trying to have a real relationship with someone who's also able to, and lying to each other in the first place wasn't a good start. You took her for granted, here she goes. Be better next time. 2
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 (edited) This not only sounds like you are both very young and immature but very toxic as well. YOU clearly have some major issues you need to work on before you can ever be a suitable partner to anyone. Who cares WHY she finally left you? I'm surprised she didn't leave sooner to be honest. Your behavior says it all in my opinion. I mean, do YOU think you were a great boyfriend to her? Go back and re-read your post if you're not sure. I'm sure even that is not telling us the whole story. Do yourself a favor and use this time to work on your anger issues first of all. No one wants to be with a raging lunatic. You also seem to have an issue with monogamy. Your relationship started out as a FWB situation and then something more serious but when that got to be too much for you, you went and not only f*cked another person but a MAN just because you were "curious"!! Let her go. Seriously. And start working on getting yourself better. Until then, you not only won't get her back but you won't be able to sustain any kind of LTR with anyone. Edited May 10, 2014 by Michelle ma Belle 3
FredJones80 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Your relationship started out as a FWB situation and then something more serious Slightly OT but this is why I am against FWB. Feelings come in to play. My ex was my best friend and also had benefits, ie; the reason she was my partner. Surely a gf/bf is basically a good friend with the benefits, the benefit of sexual attraction. Perhaps this is why they are called boyFRIEND, girlFRIEND.
Author brokenheartwesley Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 I appreciate all the responses... I've already changed. I'm not the same person anymore, I've started to appreciate everyone around me more. I know you guys think I'm disgusting and what not. But I would like to know if theres any chance at all in the future me and her could be together again?
Zahara Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I appreciate all the responses... I've already changed. I'm not the same person anymore, I've started to appreciate everyone around me more. I know you guys think I'm disgusting and what not. But I would like to know if theres any chance at all in the future me and her could be together again? All this sounds very toxic, OP. And that type of toxic behavior doesn't breed "change" overnight. It may just be from this incident that you're trying to make some surface level changes. There's more to change than that. I don't know if she will be back to you. Honestly, if I were her, I could never trust you again and I could never trust that you would not revert back to your old behaviors. The lying, angry outbursts, cheating, ill-treatment -- you have deeper issues to work on than just the fly by night starting to appreciate everyone.
jbelle6 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I appreciate all the responses... I've already changed. I'm not the same person anymore, I've started to appreciate everyone around me more. I know you guys think I'm disgusting and what not. But I would like to know if theres any chance at all in the future me and her could be together again? I don't think you have a chance in hell, no offense. It sounds like maybe you should stay single and just date until you experience all your curiosities. I don't think you should be in a relationship for a while.
No Limit Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 But I would like to know if theres any chance at all in the future me and her could be together again? No, I guess you'd have to be the last man on earth for the girl to take interest in you again.
xUnknown Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Yeah, there is nothing you can do to make her come back. She has to come back on her own...but I wouldn't hold my breath. You need to work on a lot of things, and as mentioned before, you just don't change in a day/week...it takes a lot of time. Go talk to a therapist and vent to him. I did when I broke up with my ex, it helped me realize a lot about myself. That is where you'll make the most progress. As unlikely as it sounds, even if she did come back, don't get back with her. You two will only end up hurting each other.
Author brokenheartwesley Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Thanks for the replies guys.... By the way. I'm not saying I did overnight, it's been about 2 months. But yeah...
Simon Phoenix Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Sometimes you can't put Humpty Dumpty back together again. For a lot of people, infidelity is a breaking point to where there is no coming back. When you do sh--ty things like cheat on someone, often there's no going back. Learn from this so you don't do it again to the next one. 3
ThatMan Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 (edited) Thanks for the replies guys.... By the way. I'm not saying I did overnight, it's been about 2 months. But yeah... You're joking with us. Two months is nothing. "Hey guys, I've changed! No, it didn't happen overnight. It took a few entire weeks!" Wow, um, whether or not you convince anyone to buy into this nonsense, what you bring to the table is plain destruction. You do not get to sit there and say to yourself, "I feel some guilt," and then believe things have magically changed simply because. That doesn't mean we need people to sit here and look down on you. I don't think you're somehow disgusting but I know that being in a relationship has been demonstrability bad for you. Right now is the perfect opportunity to invest in yourself and not a relationship. So why are you focusing on whether or not you've changed if you aren't searching for excuses to pursue a relationship? Go be alone for awhile and put some real effort into going about things differently. The type of change you're referring to takes an immense work and commitment for anyone to achieve. Edited May 18, 2014 by ThatMan
Author brokenheartwesley Posted June 4, 2014 Author Posted June 4, 2014 You're joking with us. Two months is nothing. "Hey guys, I've changed! No, it didn't happen overnight. It took a few entire weeks!" Wow, um, whether or not you convince anyone to buy into this nonsense, what you bring to the table is plain destruction. You do not get to sit there and say to yourself, "I feel some guilt," and then believe things have magically changed simply because. That doesn't mean we need people to sit here and look down on you. I don't think you're somehow disgusting but I know that being in a relationship has been demonstrability bad for you. Right now is the perfect opportunity to invest in yourself and not a relationship. So why are you focusing on whether or not you've changed if you aren't searching for excuses to pursue a relationship? Go be alone for awhile and put some real effort into going about things differently. The type of change you're referring to takes an immense work and commitment for anyone to achieve. Thanks. By change, I mean the way I think and act, I can tell I did. But yes, I do understand where you are coming from, am I'm still reflecting and improving myself everyday. Thanks for all the replies guys, be it nasty or not. Thanks for taking the time.
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