She [sexually assaulted] me in the pool?

[BlueIris]

So you’ve cut a deal with yourself that you’ll accept and continue despite being violated, exploited and disrespected, in exchange for attention and sex. I’ll give you credit for being honest, ML. You’re not alone in making a deal with yourself that you’ll tolerate someone, hoping you can control or manage her. Most people who stay with someone who violates them will twist themselves into pretzels defending their decision without acknowledging they’re cutting the deal with themselves.

 

As you work out how you want to live and what you’ll tolerate in your life, AT LEAST do not get her pregnant. If you end up with a child together, your choices will disappear.

[d0nnivain]

This just demonstrates your lack of knowledge about the current situation for single guys. It's extremely difficult. I only had one chance to have sex with girls in college and they were so drunk I declined.

 

Then I was friend zoned by a single mom.

 

So yes, I don't rate my chances that highly.

 

If you are half a nice IRL as you seem & you don't look like a cross between a troll & the Hunchback of Notre Dame, I bet your chances are much better than you think. You aren't giving yourself enough credit. As bonkers as she is behaving you were good enough to get your current GF. There is no reason you can't get somebody kinder.

 

Sometimes I think men are their own worst enemies, especially the good guys. Just this weekend I wanted 3 guys I grew up with fail to capitalize on opportunties being presented to them.

[mtber75]

So you couldn't push her away? Maybe you been with a lot of abusive women in the past so your self esteem and your manhood is severely damaged?

I know a few guys who are in relationship or married to abusive women and it's not pretty!

 

Get professional help!

[Notsure_9]

Wow! I don't even know what to say about all this. So I'll tell you this I had a friend years ago that sounds like your gf. She would get in relationships with great guys but she had no respect for them it seemed she would find guys who had no confidence and age knew wouldn't break up with her. She did what she wanted and didn't care about them their feelings family nothing. She knew what she was doing got what she wanted and took off. Needless to say after I saw this friend or not I cut her out of my life on after she did this to another friend. But I can almost promise you your gf knows exactly what she's doing and manipulating you every step of the way. I know you will probably stay with her but you have to look out for yourself because nobody else is going to do that for you and when she eventually alienates you from your other friends and family maybe then you will see...but I really hope it doesn't come to that

[Charlie Harper]

Change all the shes for hes and hes for shes and this forum would be on fire.

 

Sadly double standards are alive and well.

 

Stop being dumbarses this is basically rape. Double standards people.

He said no, that's the end of it. She forced herself on him.

No means no.

 

Exactly and she did it in the pool so its difficult to slap her and then shout NOOO!!!

 

I'm sorry I don't understand. How could she 'slip it in' if it wasn't erect? If your penis was erect wouldn't that mean you wanted it too? Is that rape???

 

Erection is a reactive response and not controlled by your mind.

 

For many, being alone is worse than death itself.

 

Look at all the crap people put up with up in their relationships / marriages you know, hear about or read on here.

 

100% true, people have miserable lives with abusive partners because they are miserable by themselves...

 

I am sickened by this thread and the victim shaming. Do you think women can't rape men because it happens all the time.

 

True, and most of those never go told.

 

Blech...how can you want to stay in a relationship with someone who'd violate you that way?

 

How are you suppose to be safe with a sexual predator sleeping next to you? You don't care about trust?

 

I agree that she did something very wrong (kids in pool), but its not like she is a predator, she might have been horny as hell and let instinct take over, it happens with men also… a real predator would rape anyone.

 

"Happens all the time"? Really? In internet land maybe.

 

Just because you have never experienced it or knew someone who experienced it it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

 

Because people in relationships can't be raped by their SO ? ? ?

 

LOL.. happens a lot from the person who can't divorce and doesn't have a financial backup and have to "put up" with sex…. to…you name it…all the time.

 

There are a few scenarios here:

 

1. I break up with her. I end up like many other posters here on LS complaining about nothe being able to get a gf. Desirability: none

 

2. I break up with her. I'm lucky and find another girl who is perfect for me. This would be great but the likelihood is miniscule. Desirability: high

 

3. I break up with her. I'm unlucky and end up with a girl who is either even more crazy or is very LD. The relationship would be frustrating in the latter case because I wouldn't be getting any. In the former case it would be like it is now but worse. Desirability: low

 

OR I could stay with her and try to fix the relationship issues. She has good points:

 

She's sweet

She's hot

She is very HD

We have a lot of laughs

 

My very first sex encounter would qualify as rape, it was not bad or had physical force but I did not want to have sex, afterwards I had girl friends and women who would go crazy nuts, they did not rape me but they had this urgency… so in a way that kind of behaviour is not that weird in MY EXPERIENCE, but it doesn't mean its ok. Also Men are taught to be Macho and dominate, so anyone (male) complaining of a woman that "rapes you" is catalogued as Gay, liar, show off, lack of manliness you name it is the reverse of saying a girl was raped because she dresses real sexy !!!

 

My advice is enjoy the sex (USE PROTECTION), don't let sex control the relationship and if she is into having sex in public/dangerous situations, talk to her, I used to be in a relationship with a super cute girl and its not nice to be pushed into situations that can lead to social embarrassment and even criminal charges… (don't ask )

 

This is a REAL situation, despite the OP and his choices. Once again, what if a man who had been raped was reading this thread? And seeing all the victim blaming going on?

 

Do you think that will make the victim more, or less, likely to confront their attacker, and/or leave the relationship?

 

Logic, do you know how it works?

 

I think as >I said before a lot of social etiquette and bad social labelling go into this situation…what if he presses charges against her, He would be ridiculed for life, maybe the jury would dismiss the case, in a worst case scenario she could say she was raped and use his erection against him ( I always wanted to use that sentence! LOL)…

 

My advice is talk to her and let her know that doing it in front of children is NOT OK, and find out if she is into out in public sex…

[Robert]

Let's keep the off topic posts out of this thread please, discussing other posters in a negative manner is not allowed particularly members not even posting in this thread

 

Carry on.

[Atticus9292012]

What this woman did was so wrong on so many levels. If I did something like this to any man I have been involved with he would never speak to me again and it would be over. Find your balls. She doesn't respect you and this is proof.

[Medium.Lumo]

Aw thanks d0nnivain. That's really sweet.

 

Looks wise I am definitely lacking. People have made fun of me for looking like Harry Potter on steroids. I'm 6'3 and have a heavy build.

 

Even at my best looking 4 years ago... I wore contacts, was at my best weight, 210... was very fit and played football... I never got a girlfriend.

 

I mainly wear glasses now because contacts irritate me after a while. I am still too young for lasik although I will get it ASAP.

 

I'm also out of shape and need to lose at least 20, although actually that may not be true anymore, I have lost quite a bit since I have bee n in a relationship.

 

Anyway I think it might actually be my looks holding me back. And my lack of confidence, I have only asked one girl out and was rejected, my current girlfriend made moves on me!! I didn't even ask her out. I just relationshipped her on Facebook. Lol.

 

If you are half a nice IRL as you seem & you don't look like a cross between a troll & the Hunchback of Notre Dame, I bet your chances are much better than you think. You aren't giving yourself enough credit. As bonkers as she is behaving you were good enough to get your current GF. There is no reason you can't get somebody kinder.

 

Sometimes I think men are their own worst enemies, especially the good guys. Just this weekend I wanted 3 guys I grew up with fail to capitalize on opportunties being presented to them.

[Phoe]

Looks wise I am definitely lacking. People have made fun of me for looking like Harry Potter on steroids. I'm 6'3 and have a heavy build.

 

Even at my best looking 4 years ago... I wore contacts, was at my best weight, 210... was very fit and played football... I never got a girlfriend.

 

I mainly wear glasses now because contacts irritate me after a while. I am still too young for lasik although I will get it ASAP.

 

For what it's worth, I find glasses very attractive.

 

 

I also find Harry Potter very attractive. Go figure.

 

 

If you want lasik because glasses are physically a problem for you or causing an unnecessary amount of inconvenience, then okay, but if you're doing it solely based on cosmetic reasons, I'd advise against it!

 

 

Many women will find glasses attractive, or at least won't care either way.

[Phoe]

 

Anyway I think it might actually be my looks holding me back. And my lack of confidence, I have only asked one girl out and was rejected, my current girlfriend made moves on me!! I didn't even ask her out. I just relationshipped her on Facebook. Lol.

 

THAT is what's holding you back.

 

 

Your looks aren't holding you back. YOU are holding you back. You're not even giving yourself a chance to find out what you're capable of.

 

 

All this "I can't get anything better" talk from you, and it turns out you don't even know if that's actually true because you've never even tried. And then to top it off, your girl is the one who pursued you.

 

 

So you have only actually tried once, but have been pursued by an attractive girl.

 

 

What on earth, about the above equation, remotely indicates that you can't find another girl?

 

 

The only thing stopping you, is you not trying.

[somedude81]

Anyway I think it might actually be my looks holding me back. And my lack of confidence, I have only asked one girl out and was rejected, my current girlfriend made moves on me!! I didn't even ask her out. I just relationshipped her on Facebook. Lol.

Oh, I forgot about that.

 

So maybe you are better looking than you thought you were.

 

You got this girl so into you and you didn't have to do anything at all whatsoever.

 

Then most likely you can find another girl, if that is what you want.

 

Though seriously, if you have a girl who is that hot for you and wants you all the time, you'd be an idiot to dump her.

 

She has ravenous desire, you just need to learn how to control her passion.

 

Damn, I'm jealous.

[Medium.Lumo]

Thanks dude.

 

I don't think so though. I never had girls seeming interested whereas most of my friends did.

 

I also can't cold approach. I have seen way too many guys being turned down by my female friends to think it's a good plan. So that leaves my female friends as potentials which I know sounds weird but I am just more comfortable with them.

 

So most of them have boyfriends... my current girlfriend was a friend before we got together.

 

There is another friend who is single who I approached, but she said no... This was last year. She officially friend zoned me.

 

Oh, I forgot about that.

 

So maybe you are better looking than you thought you were.

 

You got this girl so into you and you didn't have to do anything at all whatsoever.

 

Then most likely you can find another girl, if that is what you want.

 

Though seriously, if you have a girl who is that hot for you and wants you all the time, you'd be an idiot to dump her.

 

She has ravenous desire, you just need to learn how to control her passion.

 

Damn, I'm jealous.

[johnpatric]

In short you just do only this things, Stay away from her and just ignore her..

[David87]

In short you just do only this things, Stay away from her and just ignore her..

 

I don't think that's possible my friend.

[saltyfishhead666]

Ah ha - I was wondering when another of these would pop up (excuse the unintentionally funny pun)

 

Number 1 - he wasn't raped. Men CAN be raped however the op has said he could have gotten her off (excuse the second pun) but didn't want to hurt her. So he went with the flow. If a man isn't able to get a woman off him then it would be rape however he openly states he could have.

 

Op - back again so soon? When will you learn your lessons.

Feeling like a bit of a broken record here. But hey can't give you anymore advice than has been given in this thread or past threads.

 

The fact STILL remains, you need to find your balls (those thingys in your pants by your winkie) and say "hey it was nice while it lasted NOT have a nice life"

 

It's fairly clear given your record on here that a) that won't happen and b) nothing she does will make you leave her.

 

She is allowed to trash your friendships, disrespect your family, trash your belongings, your man pride and now she's allowed to have sexual relations in front of children YEP CHILDREN!!! You may have been "under water" however that doesn't change the fact that you are severely wrong.

 

I don't know where you and her live, thankfully I think it's far enough away that I would never meet either of you in person. However in the UK if you so much as get caught say for instance drunk, you need a pee and pee by a childrens park (no kids present) and are caught. You will instantly be placed on the sex offenders register.

 

I didn't hold any respect for either of you before now. Now I am utterly repulsed by the pair of you. Lets hope there aren't any police on these boards and you don't get found out because the pair of you will be in a lot of trouble.

 

You may be pissed she refused to listen to NO (shock horror she never does) She has your balls in her hands now and you are utterly screwed.

 

I doubt this will be a wake up call for you, nothing she seems to do effects you to the point of where you think **** I need to leave.

 

Stupid stupid boy when will you learn.

[Medium.Lumo]

 

That's just horrible.

 

I'm not happy about it but as it stands they didn't actually notice. If I had have forced her off and splashed around who knows though...

 

Ah ha - I was wondering when another of these would pop up (excuse the unintentionally funny pun)

 

Number 1 - he wasn't raped. Men CAN be raped however the op has said he could have gotten her off (excuse the second pun) but didn't want to hurt her. So he went with the flow. If a man isn't able to get a woman off him then it would be rape however he openly states he could have.

 

Op - back again so soon? When will you learn your lessons.

Feeling like a bit of a broken record here. But hey can't give you anymore advice than has been given in this thread or past threads.

 

The fact STILL remains, you need to find your balls (those thingys in your pants by your winkie) and say "hey it was nice while it lasted NOT have a nice life"

 

It's fairly clear given your record on here that a) that won't happen and b) nothing she does will make you leave her.

 

She is allowed to trash your friendships, disrespect your family, trash your belongings, your man pride and now she's allowed to have sexual relations in front of children YEP CHILDREN!!! You may have been "under water" however that doesn't change the fact that you are severely wrong.

 

I don't know where you and her live, thankfully I think it's far enough away that I would never meet either of you in person. However in the UK if you so much as get caught say for instance drunk, you need a pee and pee by a childrens park (no kids present) and are caught. You will instantly be placed on the sex offenders register.

 

I didn't hold any respect for either of you before now. Now I am utterly repulsed by the pair of you. Lets hope there aren't any police on these boards and you don't get found out because the pair of you will be in a lot of trouble.

 

You may be pissed she refused to listen to NO (shock horror she never does) She has your balls in her hands now and you are utterly screwed.

 

I doubt this will be a wake up call for you, nothing she seems to do effects you to the point of where you think **** I need to leave.

 

Stupid stupid boy when will you learn.

[saltyfishhead666]

 

That's just horrible.

 

I'm not happy about it but as it stands they didn't actually notice. If I had have forced her off and splashed around who knows though...

 

It's not horrible though lumbo - It's the truth. You just don't like seeing the truth.

 

Defend yourself or quit complaining and act like the woman of the relationship.

 

Everything I said in my post is true, it's true every time I post. It's not mine or anyone else's fault that you don't listen.

 

When will it stop? When she has your ass thrown in jail and you have no choice but to not see her?

 

You my dear are going down a very very very dark path, and soon it will take plenty of therapy to come back from, even that may not work in the end.

 

Don't you want a wife, kids? a happy family where you don't have to complain or be ridiculed. As I have said before - Go talk to your mum. You tell your mum what she does, how she actually acts and I bet you anything your mother would slap you because she didn't raise you to be this woman's b*tch. She probably raised you to be a man.

 

For crying out loud she is ruining your life!!!

[saltyfishhead666]

want to go out for chicken fried steak and a pepsi?

 

 

Sorry - I'm on a fizzy (soda) ban

[veggirl]

It's hard for you because you are not respected. Women want a man whom they can look up to, who stands up for things that are important, who isn't a doormat. As long as you don't know how to become that man, you will always struggle. On the other hand, if you decided to assert yourself and stood by that assertion, it would be easier for you to find girls. As long as you behave like a complete pussy, it will be hard for you to get any - basically.

 

Yeah, eventually this chick is going to leave the OP for a guy she respects, a guy who stands up for himself and doesn't take all her bulls.hit and isn't so easy.

 

OP my advice to you is wear a condom, preferably ones that you have hidden that she does not have access to. I don't think you can trust this crazy girl to take her birth control, she's clearly impulsive and immature and you shouldn't be surprised if one day she decides its baby time and secretly (or openly) stops taking her pills.

[Medium.Lumo]

That would be bad

 

We don't actually use protection... she's been tested and I was a Virgin.

 

She takes pills though.

 

 

Yeah, eventually this chick is going to leave the OP for a guy she respects, a guy who stands up for himself and doesn't take all her bulls.hit and isn't so easy.

 

OP my advice to you is wear a condom, preferably ones that you have hidden that she does not have access to. I don't think you can trust this crazy girl to take her birth control, she's clearly impulsive and immature and you shouldn't be surprised if one day she decides its baby time and secretly (or openly) stops taking her pills.

[Emilia]

We don't actually use protection... she's been tested and I was a Virgin.

 

She takes pills though.

.... and you trust her because all her actions until now have been pointing towards a person who is mature, takes responsibility for her decisions and isn't likely to do anything irresponsible, impulsive or hasty.

 

Awesome.

[Eivuwan]

Thanks dude.

 

I don't think so though. I never had girls seeming interested whereas most of my friends did.

 

I also can't cold approach. I have seen way too many guys being turned down by my female friends to think it's a good plan. So that leaves my female friends as potentials which I know sounds weird but I am just more comfortable with them.

 

So most of them have boyfriends... my current girlfriend was a friend before we got together.

 

There is another friend who is single who I approached, but she said no... This was last year. She officially friend zoned me.

 

So basically you haven't tried much...

[Medium.Lumo]

.... and you trust her because all her actions until now have been pointing towards a person who is mature, takes responsibility for her decisions and isn't likely to do anything irresponsible, impulsive or hasty.

 

Awesome.

 

She's 20. I'm 22. I want to have children eventually but only by 30 or so.

[saltyfishhead666]

She's 20. I'm 22. I want to have children eventually but only by 30 or so.

 

I think her point was SHE may get crazy ideas and stop taking her contraception and not tell you...

 

30 is a good age! Preferably with someone nice

[man_in_the_box]

Dude - you just got sexually assaulted and all you're worried about is if you could find another girl?

 

And what the hell is up with all this downplaying the incident? No means no right? For gods sake stop trying to rationalize how the victim 'could' have avoided being sexually assaulted - it's ****ing disgusting. How would you feel if this happened and people start saying 'well you should have done x, y and z'. What's next? Are we going to blame his tight swimwear for what happened?

 

Unfriggin' believable. If this would've happened to me it would be goodbye relationship.