amaysngrace Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Can you imagine the reaction if somebody said, "She needed to give a stronger no." He said no and tried to push her away. She raped him. Wasn't it his GF? Anyway if some guy tried to rape me I'd call attention to it. It's not like there wasn't anybody around. And if it was in a pool I'd dunk them and swim away. What I really want to know is who invited her?
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Wasn't it his GF? Anyway if some guy tried to rape me I'd call attention to it. It's not like there wasn't anybody around. And if it was in a pool I'd dunk them and swim away. What I really want to know is who invited her? My brother invited us.
amaysngrace Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 My brother invited us. Oh you went together? Did you leave together or did you break up after she did that to you?
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Oh you went together? Did you leave together or did you break up after she did that to you? We left together? What was I supposed to do? Make a scene in front of everyone ? Tell her to walk ? Much as I hate what happened I don't really want to break up with her.
amaysngrace Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 We left together? What was I supposed to do? Make a scene in front of everyone ? Tell her to walk ? Much as I hate what happened I don't really want to break up with her. Blech...how can you want to stay in a relationship with someone who'd violate you that way? How are you suppose to be safe with a sexual predator sleeping next to you? You don't care about trust? 1
InnocentMan Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I am sickened by this thread and the victim shaming. Do you think women can't rape men because it happens all the time. "Happens all the time"? Really? In internet land maybe.
lollipopspot Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 She was gripping me tightly. I tried to push her off and she gripped tighter. Yes I could have forced her off but she would be badly bruised and hurt. So you're saying you would have no problem with doing that? Here's how it's like no other "rape" that I understand as "rape." In rape, it is the victim who is concerned about being hurt by pushing the rapist away. In this case the "victim" is concerned about hurting the "perpetrator" - he's stronger than she is and outweighs her so that he can easily overpower her. Rape is about power. The victim here has the greater strength and power. He just needs to assert himself. If your 'no' has never meant anything, people don't respect it and don't hear it as a 'no.' OP - you need to learn to assert yourself. You know, I can say 'no' to someone who has the strength of 5 year old boy who is trying to rape me. But if he doesn't hear my 'no' as a 'no,' because I've never meant 'no' before when I said it, I can just stand there and let it happen or I can make it stop. Because I know that I can easily push this kid off - and yes, maybe he will get bruised up in the process - it's not going to happen.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Blech...how can you want to stay in a relationship with someone who'd violate you that way? How are you suppose to be safe with a sexual predator sleeping next to you? You don't care about trust? It sounds bad when you put it like that She's not a predator, usually she is quite a sweet girl. I don't know what happened there. She is quite pushy usually but not to that extent. For now I want to stay with her... but I do want to have a serious discussion about the incident and make sure nothing like it happens again.
MrNate 2.0 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Can you imagine the reaction if somebody said, "She needed to give a stronger no." He said no and tried to push her away. She raped him. Imagine if you told that to a woman who was forced upon? Exactly. Someone outta book mark this thread for future rape discussions. The rationalization happening in here is something worth taking note of. I'm just waiting for that one brave soul to personally admit that they think "Women can't possibly rape men." 1
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Wasn't it his GF? Anyway if some guy tried to rape me I'd call attention to it. It's not like there wasn't anybody around. And if it was in a pool I'd dunk them and swim away. What I really want to know is who invited her? Because people in relationships can't be raped by their SO ? ? ? 3
lollipopspot Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Can you imagine the reaction if somebody said, "She needed to give a stronger no." Sometimes it's true that the 'no' needs to be made clear and unequivocal, especially in an on-going relationship in which partners have a history of playfully pushing past their partner's initial soft resistance, which seems to be the case in this relationship. If the victim is of sound mind (no drink, drugs, awake, etc) and there is no physical threat (this particular case is even much clearer than most, as the victim is considerably stronger than the perpetrator), and the victim just goes along with it after the initial 'no' (which has never really meant a 'no' in their relationship), then I think that 'no's' are not always clear and not always heard. With no physical threat, sometimes you must escalate the 'no' in order to be clear that it's not just playing around and this is serious, ESPECIALLY if your 'no' has always previously been a 'maybe' or 'ok' with this person, as seems to be the case. I believe this girl probably thought she was having fun with her boyfriend. I have also heard of reverse gender situations in which I believe the guy really didn't understand that they weren't just having fun.
Eivuwan Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 She was gripping me tightly. I tried to push her off and she gripped tighter. Yes I could have forced her off but she would be badly bruised and hurt. So you're saying you would have no problem with doing that? It's ok to hurt others in self-defense... 1
Eivuwan Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 We left together? What was I supposed to do? Make a scene in front of everyone ? Tell her to walk ? Much as I hate what happened I don't really want to break up with her. Sigh. 10 characters Edit: Next time something horrible happens, don't say no one warned you.
gaius Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Can you imagine the reaction if somebody said, "She needed to give a stronger no." He said no and tried to push her away. She raped him. He had the physical power to make her stop if he wanted. Women usually don't. I'm kind of iffy in this situation because there are guys that might have a little discomfort doing something like that in close proximity to kids but enjoy it once it's going on. But something tells me you probably gave off some pretty strong vibes you weren't into it and she did it anyway Medium.
Author Medium.Lumo Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Sigh. 10 characters Edit: Next time something horrible happens, don't say no one warned you. There are a few scenarios here: 1. I break up with her. I end up like many other posters here on LS complaining about nothe being able to get a gf. Desirability: none 2. I break up with her. I'm lucky and find another girl who is perfect for me. This would be great but the likelihood is miniscule. Desirability: high 3. I break up with her. I'm unlucky and end up with a girl who is either even more crazy or is very LD. The relationship would be frustrating in the latter case because I wouldn't be getting any. In the former case it would be like it is now but worse. Desirability: low OR I could stay with her and try to fix the relationship issues. She has good points: She's sweet She's hot She is very HD We have a lot of laughs 1
amaysngrace Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Because people in relationships can't be raped by their SO ? ? ? I never said that they couldn't so no need for being confused just because you put words in my mouth. Normal people would be so traumatized by it that they'd break up with them and this guy says he doesn't want to do that though. Personally the only time I'd ever want to even look at them again is during the prosecution after I filed charges on them. But that's just me... 1
InnocentMan Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I think my partner raped me in a swimming pool in front of children, but anyway, here's a list of her good points. Dunno what's more ridiculous, this story, or the people backing you up. It's probably a tie. 5
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I'm surprised by who is taking which "stance". And not in a good way. OP, do what you wish. My advice, since you're going to stay with her, is set boundaries. Firm boundaries that you WON'T allow her to step on, or completely ignore. You want to know what's really hot? Confidence. Right now you're her bitch. Not attractive. Even to a "woman" who doesn't respect you. You say you won't break up with her, but have you considered she may break up with you? Be a man. 2
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I never said that they couldn't so no need for being confused just because you put words in my mouth. Normal people would be so traumatized by it that they'd break up with them and this guy says he doesn't want to do that though. Personally the only time I'd ever want to even look at them again is during the prosecution after I filed charges on them. But that's just me... Maybe in an "ideal" world that's how it would work out. In reality it's rarely that way. This is a form of abuse, and as we know abuse victims don't always have the strength or state of mind to leave. 2
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I think my partner raped me in a swimming pool in front of children, but anyway, here's a list of her good points. Dunno what's more ridiculous, this story, or the people backing you up. It's probably a tie. This is a REAL situation, despite the OP and his choices. Once again, what if a man who had been raped was reading this thread? And seeing all the victim blaming going on? Do you think that will make the victim more, or less, likely to confront their attacker, and/or leave the relationship? Logic, do you know how it works?
amaysngrace Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Maybe in an "ideal" world that's how it would work out. In reality it's rarely that way. This is a form of abuse, and as we know abuse victims don't always have the strength or state of mind to leave. Not in my world but I'm a survivor not a victim. 1
Candy_Pants Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Not in my world but I'm a survivor not a victim. As am I. Not too long ago a man followed me home and tried to rape me. Luckily I'd been taking kickboxing lessons and was able to defend myself. But before that I'd been sexually assaulted and I did nothing, like the OP. Did you always do "something" right away? Or did you have to build courage? Because you are a rarity if it's the first option.
InnocentMan Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 This is a REAL situation, despite the OP and his choices. Once again, what if a man who had been raped was reading this thread? And seeing all the victim blaming going on? Do you think that will make the victim more, or less, likely to confront their attacker, and/or leave the relationship? Logic, do you know how it works? Let's make the assumption that it is a real situation. The chances of a male rape victim reading this thread are virtually zero, no matter how common the good people of LS think that female on male rape is. I can imagine real female rape victims reading this thread and thinking wtf am i reading. There was plenty of points that the OP could've stopped this. Can a real rape victim say the same thing? I have no problem with the OP posting this and asking for advice, but calling it rape, and being encouraged to call it such by other posters is nauseating. The thread has been heavily censored, rightly or wrongly, so it is hardly serving any real purpose for anyone who may be looking in, and indeed be a victim of any type of sexual abuse. He should confide in the father of these children, and ask him what he thinks. Then he will have his answer much quicker than he will get on here. A real answer, based on the logic you are so fond of.
somedude81 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 He had the physical power to make her stop if he wanted. Women usually don't. It's not always about physical power. Sometimes a woman "lets" a guy rape her because she feels that he won't like her anymore or maybe he can blackmail her etc. If Medium.Lumo forcibly tried to stop her, there is a good chance he may hurt her or maybe she might make a really big scene. Either way, he had sex with her when he didn't want to. By definition that is rape. 2
amaysngrace Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 As am I. Not too long ago a man followed me home and tried to rape me. Luckily I'd been taking kickboxing lessons and was able to defend myself. But before that I'd been sexually assaulted and I did nothing, like the OP. Did you always do "something" right away? Or did you have to build courage? Because you are a rarity if it's the first option. No I understand what you're saying but this guy cares more about getting laid by this raper girl than he cares about being raped. Good luck trying to help him though. Seems to me he doesn't really want help as much as he wants to get laid. Medium here is something to think about, buddy: "it's better to lose a lover than it is to love a loser" 2
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