youaremysunshine Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 wifor the last couple months I have been dating a man who suffers from schizophrenia. I am apprehensive but I want to continue to see him. He's really sweet, respectful and playful. When we are together we have all sorts of odd adventures and I don't seem to care what anyone else thinks, it's just us in our own little world. I have never seen him experience psychosis but he tells me when he does he hears garbled voices that seem to come from a radio he cannot locate and sometimes "sees" spiders that are not there. This happens about once every two weeks and while the hallucination seems real at the time, afterwords he realizes it was in his head. He developed schizopherina about a year ago and he feels it has changed him tremendously. He used to play hockey competitively and he has lost all interest in sports. Now he is into reading and will read the same novel many times in a row. He also started writing poetry and writes several poems a day. My friends/ roommates are all begging me to stop seeing him and are worried for my safety. This guy has never been aggressive to me in anyway or shown any signs that he is violent. In fact he seems like a very gentle person. I invited him over for the first time a couple nights ago and my room mates freaked out saying I was endangering them alll. People have told me to cut him out is that his condition may worsen. He has himself expressed a fear that in 10 or 15 years his sickness will have taken over him and he will be "lost". He worried that I will be taking care of him and he wants to be the one taking care of me. He also worries that I will tired of him. I read a bit about schizophrenia and while it's terrifying I think this guy can still be happy. He has a doctor and a good support system. It's clear he really cares for them. Right now he good to a good university and drives, so in some ways he is more together than most people 1
Eivuwan Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I think it would be fine if he takes good care of himself and sees a therapist and psychiatrist regularly. My aunt has had schizophrenia for many years and she's pretty much normal when she takes her pills. Believing that he would be violent just because he has schizophrenia reflects more on the ignorance of your friends than it does on him. 4
Potz4prez Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I have a friend with schizophrenia... It never seems to affect his relationships. He sometimes has bad days, but thanks to his experience and support system, he gets over it on his own. Just like someone with depression. Just like depression however, you shouldn't ignore red-flags such as drug abuse. Don't give up on him just because his condition exists... but walk away if it starts affecting your relationship. Just my two scents. 2
Tiger Lily Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I don't know a lot about schizophrenia, but I think I read once that rates of violence/aggression in someone diagnosed with schizophrenia are no different than the general population. Just be aware of flags, as mentioned. Glad you've found someone you connect to .
contact1 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 Your friends are crazy, there is no direct link to violence and schizophrenia. My wife often half jokes/half serious the thought of me getting schizophrenia, as I do exhibit some of the common signs that may lead to it. Thankfully I have not had any actual true signs, no hallucination or such. Ignore your friends and continue to enjoy dating this man, he is taking care of himself, which is not something you can say about many people. 2
todreaminblue Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I dated a guy with schizophrenia and he was never violent with me.......he is a level 4 and he takes his needle every fortnight...they diagnosed me as schizo affective ......i dont believe i am and i have been in the system for years on and off...medication doesnt work...i hear voices ....i believe i am a multiple.......and the doctors diagnose me as schizo affective because i talk to god and i believe he answers me......and everyone else inside my head.....i am a pacifist and have been beaten up......never hit back......dont like to hurt people.....and the guy i dated didnt like to hurt people he would defend himself though...unlike me.......i will often just stand there .......have promised myself though i wont just stand there anymore...... there are many misconceptions about mentally ill people, i was classed as a danger to myself and not to others.....i wouldnt be allowed out of hospital if i was a danger to others....... like yoru date.....he obviously is monitored.....which i can truthfully say most really dangerous people are not the mentally ill kind...... but the kind that never go to hospital or have a mental health treatment plan........go around hurting people for ****s and giggles.....date your new beau and if you ever feel uncomfortable talk to him....... when it does become uncertain is when they self medicate normally on uppers or amphetamine type drugs to combat the affects of the prescribed medication that road is slippery paved with sadness...been there and it had to end...i am however still his friend...best wishes....deb ....... 2
FitChick Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 (edited) Why don't you and your boyfriend watch the film starring Russell Crowe and Jennifer Connolly? It's based on a true story. Edited May 11, 2014 by FitChick
carhill Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 IME, when you've met one schizophrenic, you've met one schizophrenic. They're all different. I've seen a wide range, from docile to have my sidearm on me, and cared for a paraphrenic for about eight years. Her psychosis was pretty bad. She'd rage at the hallucinations and ended up running naked down the street yelling. Would I date a schizophrenic? Probably not, simply due to long experience with mental illness in general. That part of my life is over. Should you? Up to you. Learn about the disease and decide if it and this person are what you want in your life. If you choose 'yes', be aware it will be with him, and you, for the rest of your lives. IMO, if he maintains his treatment regime, prognosis is good. Medical science of the brain is always improving so hopefully it will benefit him. Good luck! 1
preraph Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Yes, his condition could worsen. Yes, some schizophrenics can become dangerous, but most of them are not, except to themselves. Glad he has a good doctor. See how well he is controlled. If it gets really bad, it is just the worst thing to have to go through, whether it's him or you. Find out about his family history. That should tell you something. If he gets real comfortable with you, see if you can go to the doctor with him and ask questions. Best of luck with that. Hope it works out.
silvereyez Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 There are a lot of misconceptions about mental illness. People hear the words and think all kinds of murderous stuff. The key here is knowledge. If you really like this person, then you must research his condition extensively, research the impact on relationships and warning signs to look out for. Discuss it with him also, don't make it feel like you are doing it behind his back. Say that you like him and want to find out as much as possible so you can be there for him. Remember he may have this condition, but he is still an individual, and while it may provoke certain patterns of behaviour, this doesn't necessarily mean he's not worth it. Do be mindful though, if his behaviour impacts your life or oversteps boundaries ever then you must think about yourself. I wish you goodluck 1
Joaquin Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Schizophrenia is a very serious lifelong mental illness. A lifetime on anti psychotic meds, depression etc and a very high risk of passing it to offspring. I'm a fairly empathetic person but no, I would not date someone with schizophrenia.
Author youaremysunshine Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 I've been researching the illness and it hasn't been reassuring. Nither have all the horror stories from people who were the partners of people with schizophrenia. I don't think I found a single positive one. My friends are always saying I barely know this guy and its stupid to go don this road knowing it will be such a difficult one. I've said I'm prepred to walk if he starts scaring me o but where does that leave him? He's already so happy to have a woman in his life. He will be crushed when I leave him and it's almost inevitable I will. What does it say about me that I want too date someone so needy? Its clear to me he is afraid no one will love him because of his illness. It's clear he is afraid he will sink further into into schizophrenia and be alone for the rest of his life. When we see homeless guys he always talks to them and he's said to me he is terrified will end up that way m I can't imagine feeling like I had no future at 22. I think he is so caring and attentive because he is wants to give his love while he can. He often talks about how he would raise his children if he had them and once he asked me if he thought it was wrong for people with serious diseases that can be passed on to have children 2
PogoStick Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 There are schizo success stories. What happens to anyone else doesn't matter as every case is unique. 1 in 5 will get better within five years of their first episode of schizophrenia. 3 in 5 will get better, but will still have some symptoms. They will have times when their symptoms get worse. 1 in 5 will continue to have troublesome symptoms. Those seem like reasonable odds to me.
luvshaq Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Before you ever get married, remember the "through sickness and health" part.
ja123 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 It's so sad, isn't it? Anyhow, here is a story about someone (Keris Myrick) who is turning it around: Changing the face of Schizophrenia: Keris Myrick - The Current - CBC Player
SpiralOut Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 (edited) I dated a man with schizophrenia. He was never violent. That's a misconception. However I would never do it again. The experience was not good. He had the paranoia type, which affected his thinking. He lied all the time and he had a low tolerance for stress. Sounds like your main problem right now are your friends not understanding. I would have advised you to not tell them until they had gotten to know him better first, but too late for that. There is such a stigma against mental illness, unfortunately. I guess all you can do is try to educate them and after a while they'll see he's a good guy. And if they don't, then screw them. Edited May 12, 2014 by SpiralOut
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