Mondmellonw Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 So, lately I haven't feeling sad. I've been really enjoying college. I've been getting my attention back, but there are times when I honestly feel a little "bitter" when people talk about their partners and romance/love/ that kind of stuff. I remember now that he said to me once: "I believe romance is for children". Was I wrong at wanting the romance to last more than just 2-3 months? Well, but that's not the reason for my post. I'll get straight to the point now. The first four months after the BU were pure sadness, guilt, doubts, missing him, being sad towars him sleeping with the ex, being sad over his treatment during the BU, etc. But now I just feel like I ****ing hate him all the time. It's like I almost wanted him to hate me too. I know, seems immature. That's why am worried, should I be concerned?
Ordinaryday Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 no. if that is what helps you get over him then that is what works for you. I have ALWAYS grown to hate the exes that dumped me and when a few of them contacted me with breadcrumbs a few years down the line they were shocked to find I was so rude to them, when I had always been so polite in the relationship. but once they dump me as far as I am concerned they gave up on me, so I dont have one ounce of kindness for someone like that. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 I despise him because: - He unblocked his cheating ex while being together just to "make peace" with her, and he hided it from me. he said he did this because I was already insecure about that topic. - 2 months after we broke up, he slept with her. - Three weeks ago he texted me to tell me he didn't loved me anymore, but that he never loved anyone like he loved me and that maybe we wasted our time and that now it was too late and that as I was evolving in life he was getting lower, bla bla, (I somehow see this as excuses, manipulation and crap. Of course I did had a lot of mistakes, but I was 100% loyal to him durng our relationship... I don't know. I am worried I am trying to place all the guilt on him just to ease my pain). 1
Elle1975 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 So, lately I haven't feeling sad. I've been really enjoying college. I've been getting my attention back, but there are times when I honestly feel a little "bitter" when people talk about their partners and romance/love/ that kind of stuff. I remember now that he said to me once: "I believe romance is for children". Was I wrong at wanting the romance to last more than just 2-3 months? Well, but that's not the reason for my post. I'll get straight to the point now. The first four months after the BU were pure sadness, guilt, doubts, missing him, being sad towars him sleeping with the ex, being sad over his treatment during the BU, etc. But now I just feel like I ****ing hate him all the time. It's like I almost wanted him to hate me too. I know, seems immature. That's why am worried, should I be concerned? Don't be concerned, it's ok to feel that way. I suppose I'd be more worried if you were trying to stuff your feelings in the back of your mind and pretend that "everything's fine!", or "he's such a great guy." I too have resentment. I accept it. I find it healthy. Too often people assume that anger is a negative feeling. I personally think that denial is worse: to pretend to be ok with what happened, and/or how it happened. 2
Elle1975 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I despise him because: - He unblocked his cheating ex while being together just to "make peace" with her, and he hided it from me. he said he did this because I was already insecure about that topic. - 2 months after we broke up, he slept with her. - Three weeks ago he texted me to tell me he didn't loved me anymore, but that he never loved anyone like he loved me and that maybe we wasted our time and that now it was too late and that as I was evolving in life he was getting lower, bla bla, (I somehow see this as excuses, manipulation and crap. Of course I did had a lot of mistakes, but I was 100% loyal to him durng our relationship... I don't know. I am worried I am trying to place all the guilt on him just to ease my pain). Personally I: - wouldn't answer or - Answer F off (my favorite, rude though). Probably go with ignoring his texts. Reflecting on our mistakes is good, but certainly don't place the break up on your shoulders only. And even if you reflect on your mistakes, you might find none. I am not saying that we always have something to do with the break up. 1
Author Mondmellonw Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Don't be concerned, it's ok to feel that way. I suppose I'd be more worried if you were trying to stuff your feelings in the back of your mind and pretend that "everything's fine!", or "he's such a great guy." I too have resentment. I accept it. I find it healthy. Too often people assume that anger is a negative feeling. I personally think that denial is worse: to pretend to be ok with what happened, and/or how it happened. I definitely do not think that everything is fine. But, the fact that he told me many "great things about me" and thinking about how he mistreated me during the RL make me angrier. Thanks for your response.
Elle1975 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I definitely do not think that everything is fine. But, the fact that he told me many "great things about me" and thinking about how he mistreated me during the RL make me angrier. Thanks for your response. Well sure it does. He wants to be the good guy, after the facts. Action speak louder than words. I'd be mad too.
Author Mondmellonw Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Get Better not bitter! (one little letter makes all the difference) I am definitely getting better Like I wrote on the main thread, college is really a passion nowadays, just the same as making exercise and music. However, I can't deny I am bitter over love now. Over other stuff, not at all. It will wear off... In time. I hope so. Thanks
Author Mondmellonw Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 Well sure it does. He wants to be the good guy, after the facts. Action speak louder than words. I'd be mad too. I think it must be some type of manipulation, but I am not quite sure. I just know that it really made me angry. You can't say someone was the love of your life after all the crap you did. Or that "everything could have been better but now I don't think l - all of the sudden - love you anymore".
KaliLove Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 No..it's ok to hate him. For now. Eventually that hate will turn into indifference. 1
Elle1975 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 He is a very insecure douche rocket. I don't despise him, I pity him. That's my favorite new expression "Douche rocket". I will put it right by my other one "c*nt nugget".
BC1980 Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 It's normal to be angry. Just let the feelings come out, but don't wallow in them for days. It helped to write down exactly why I felt certain emotions when they were overwhelming. It validated that these feelings for me. Then, I would try to divert the feelings/emotions into something more positive. 1
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