good enough????

[snappytomcat]

ive wondered about this for a while

my fws and I had many years together over 20,we were always best friends,laughing going out.

but when we lost everything our home,a car,a business he started to become distant,i just thought he was going through a mid life crisis.

and we still had sex at least twice a week probably not as much as he would have liked,but I was always at the new business trying to get it up and running,but I had no idea someone else was getting my husband up and running.

I was a good wife,a good mother,and friend was there when he needed me,dinner was always on table when he got home,even if I was exhausted,i always took care of myself for my husband,wear cute clothes,im attractive,im very nice.

I know I wasn't perfect,but neither was he but I didn't cheat,and I even kept asking him to go to mc,and if we were ok,his reply im just stressed from work,i admit he has a stressful job,but when you continuously ask if theres a problem,and he says no then how can you fix something if your partner says all is good even though you know in your heart it isn't.

hes the nicest man ever,he would do anything for me,but at times I think is this it for me?i do love him,but do I deserve better?hes done everything right to show me,he wants me to stay,but I get this nagging feeling,that im not sure,i didn't cheat,and I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater.i really don't I know he made a mistake,maybe its my pride,maybe its my ego,cause I think most men would want me

maybe im just feeling awful today cause xow still wont leave me alone

bottom line ive alwys been faithful,and loyal and that's just how I roll

[cocahouts]

Tell him how you feel.....

I felt the same when I found out about my wife. We are still trying to figure things out. I feel like I've lost everything and that I am trying to hold on to a distant memory.

I am 7 months out and the only thing I am going to do is stick it out right now. I am going to give it a year or two before I really make up my mind. I have been with this woman for 20 years too so if she can redeem herself then maybe we've got a chance. But at the same time I am preparing myself to leave. I feel like I am doing everything to better myself and heal myself while she still is stubborn. She tries in her own way and I can see that but some days it just isn't enough.

 

The OM was someone I thought was a friend and lives in the same town so days that I bump into him or see him I crash. My pride and self esteem is gone too but I am working on myself.

 

20 years and one Mistake is worth trying for...Calling it a mistake is pitiful...at least for me. But I would give it a little time and let your WS show his true colors so you can make your decision.

 

"I am sorry this happened to you", I hate to see this but only because I know the pain behind those words. Take control of yourself and do what feels right.

[Spark1111]

And that's fine because you will NEVER regret being the best person you can be, as a mother, friend, business partner and spouse, AND having kept your INTEGRITY and SELF-RESPECT.

 

Cheating is easy....life and long-term, monogamous, romantic relationships are HARD.

 

You did the hard with no regrets until you were betrayed and now feel resentful.

 

Like I said to my IC: WHY was I so good? Where did it get me? Betrayed.

 

All perfectly normal feelings, IMO.

 

Bottom line: You probably wouldn't have cheated had a gorgeous young man, professing his undying love for you jumped up on the table and danced while stripping.

 

Like me, you would have thought, 'Jeez he's cute, but I have to get home and cook my H's dinner and the kids have soccer practice...I am flattered, but buh-bye."

 

So, like me.....and we really have SO much in common, you will realize your spouse's affair with the crazy OW....the vulnerable, needy and somewhat unstable woman he betrayed you with, because it was oh-so-easy to feel superior and therefore empowered by her....HAD nothing to do with you.

 

You WERE/ARE a good wife. Own that because you know it's truth. He does too.

 

And once your head and your heart accept that, the harder obstacle to overcome is the realization that you love a person who is vulnerable to flattery and attention from strangers; most likely because he never got it from Mommy or Daddy in early childhood when our attachment style forms.

 

Do LESS for him and more for you. Be loving supportive....but not at the expense of yourself.

 

get this woman gone from your life. You do not need the stress.

 

Focus on you first, the marriage second.

[Spark1111]

Tell him how you feel.....

I felt the same when I found out about my wife. We are still trying to figure things out. I feel like I've lost everything and that I am trying to hold on to a distant memory.

I am 7 months out and the only thing I am going to do is stick it out right now. I am going to give it a year or two before I really make up my mind. I have been with this woman for 20 years too so if she can redeem herself then maybe we've got a chance. But at the same time I am preparing myself to leave. I feel like I am doing everything to better myself and heal myself while she still is stubborn. She tries in her own way and I can see that but some days it just isn't enough.

 

The OM was someone I thought was a friend and lives in the same town so days that I bump into him or see him I crash. My pride and self esteem is gone too but I am working on myself.

 

20 years and one Mistake is worth trying for...Calling it a mistake is pitiful...at least for me. But I would give it a little time and let your WS show his true colors so you can make your decision.

 

"I am sorry this happened to you", I hate to see this but only because I know the pain behind those words. Take control of yourself and do what feels right.

 

Do NOT give that xOM/friend that power over you. CONFRONT. If you see him, stare him down, steely-eyed like Clint Eastwood with six-guns...have your contempt visible on your face and do not break angry eye contact....do not avoid, nor lose your face...

 

STAND your ground because you were wronged and he knows he was a weasel. But he will avoid that until he faces a consequence....like angry judgement on your cool and collected face.

 

Watch him crumple and slink away to the point he is AVOIDING contact with you!

 

You did nothing wrong. He did.

 

be angry, good and angry, and show it!