BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 me and my ex broke up at christmas, i don't feel i am getting any better, there has been 3 weeks of complete NC between us, she today would had received clothes and a present i promised her at christmas by post and I never heard from her at all Wednesday is her birthday, i want to send her a text despite all the keep up the NC advice also on Wednesday i am supposed to go on a date but i would really have to put a false face on for this as i am still completely in love with my ex and i really can't forget about her i've been through heartbreak before but this is just terrible... i am on medication, haven't been to work etc. lost weight help! i know everyone says it gets better but this time i can't seem to shake it, i want to speak to her again
Numb Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 I feel for you bro, I'm going though the same crap well except my ex is a liar and a cheater but either way it still hurts like mad and she is all happy and acts like its no biggy at all. I feel the same way though it is not getting any better at all and we broke up new years day, If you read books at all I have a good one for you its called "In the meantime" by Iyanla Vanzant its a great book for healing heartbreaks lots of good stuff in there. My sister just gave it to me and she has given it to many freinds and they all thought is was the best help ever.....so if you can give it a shot. I would not go on the date, god knows I couldn't do that. I have a girl right now thats just head over heals for me and I can't even think about being with her and I think it would be unfair to her for me to even seem interrested at the moment. Hang in there buddy.
ion Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 It's the hardest thing to BrainRightHeartWrong, you're asking yourself to walk away from this powerful drug called love. Amazingly, we spend a majority of our lives searching for, needing it and wanting others to feel it for us. Then in the blink of an eye, we are asked to let go of it. How can this be? It's not. What we are being asked to do, is to walk away from the person. Whether she loves you, never did love you or the answer lies somewhere in between, is immaterial. The love you shared existed. The feelings you have for her continue. It's natural to want to be a part of the other person's life, for what is love but sharing of life and the daily experiences. But in this moment, this week, give her a birthday present and yourself, promise you will give her freedom. Promise you will give yourself the strength to walk away for now.
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by ion It's the hardest thing to BrainRightHeartWrong, you're asking yourself to walk away from this powerful drug called love. Amazingly, we spend a majority of our lives searching for, needing it and wanting others to feel it for us. Then in the blink of an eye, we are asked to let go of it. How can this be? It's not. What we are being asked to do, is to walk away from the person. Whether she loves you, never did love you or the answer lies somewhere in between, is immaterial. The love you shared existed. The feelings you have for her continue. It's natural to want to be a part of the other person's life, for what is love but sharing of life and the daily experiences. But in this moment, this week, give her a birthday present and yourself, promise you will give her freedom. Promise you will give yourself the strength to walk away for now. excellent post ion although i haven't hounded her whatsoever and we haven't spoke in 3 weeks I am terribly concerned about her , i am trying my best to walk away, she does have her freedom, is there any harm in saying 'happy birthday and i hope you are doing fine' ? I would not go on the date, god knows I couldn't do that. I have a girl right now thats just head over heals for me and I can't even think about being with her and I think it would be unfair to her for me to even seem interrested at the moment. numb yeah maybe this is a bad idea, i know i won't be myself for starters so what is the point?
No Foolin Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Brother, I've taken the long walk for eight months. Ben Franklin once said there are only two sure things in life: Death and Taxes. I would like to add another: All relationships end. What I mean is this, I'm no expert, not even a veteran, but I do know this, for many people time takes the edge off of the pain. Time is the 12 step group for all of us here. Unless your like me and break NC. You think your gonna feel better, maybe make a movie like comeback; but, 9 times out of 10 your gonna take a quick shot to the nuts and have to start all over. Take the walk away from her and maybe just maybe she'll see what shes missing.
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 Take the walk away from her and maybe just maybe she'll see what shes missing so no birthday greetings via text messaging then?
No Foolin Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Brother I guess it depends on what you are trying to accomplish. If your trying to make her more loving toward you, ........good luck. If your trying to finish an obligation, then I'm not sure. For alot of people when its over its over. I do know some people (girls and guys) that exchange holiday or birthday greetings, but this is after a good year or however long it took them to recover. Just be aware of what your end result is.
soosad Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 The best advice i could give you is to do what you feel is best for you. I have made many poor decisions post breakup but feel much better knowing that I tried all that i could to get back the one i love. For me my mistakes are part of my healing process. Ideally you should not contact but you have to do what makes you feel better. Whatever you do do it without expectations. Regardless of what you decide it will still get better. Hang in there. soosad
greenhorn Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 well i think i can understand your position.My ex's B'day is on friday and that would be exact 2 months of breakup and NC but i am not going to wish her... what's the use. I think somewhere in your heart you are still harbouring the feeling that she might come back and so you are thinking of just sending her a text message.If you think this then pls get out of it, untill and unless you think that its all over and she is never going to come back you wont start the actual moving on process.Pls start the healing process its difficult but not impossible and with each passing day the pain becomes less and less. What's the use of wishing her..will she care..just think had it been your B'day would she wished you ..dont make yourself pitable..the last thing that you want from her is COMPASSION ..
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 I think somewhere in your heart you are still harbouring the feeling that she might come back i probably am greenhorn and i wonder if she knows this? just today she sent me a letter, she was compassionate in her letter and mentioned how we haven't kept in touch recently, she also sent a card thanking my mother for a present don't know whether she would wish me happy birthday or not, she is the type but then again perhaps not i'd just like to thank her for the letter etc.
greenhorn Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 quote:I think somewhere in your heart you are still harbouring the feeling that she might come back i probably am greenhorn and i wonder if she knows this? Hmm..Uncertainity in any form is much much worse than anything else.Come out of this dilemma.its immaterial whether you desire her to come or not .what matters is that whether she wants to come back or not.You know i was hanging like this for almost a year and eventually it came out negative.I was always happy for one day and crying for 4 days..... I donno how you would take it but please end this uncertainity ..convince yourself that it has ended and she is not going to come back and then you have to start the process of moving on..i was exactly in the same status as you were and lot of ppl at LS were saying to me that you come out if and you would feel better .it was hard to believe them then but now i know they were true..i dont say that i am happy now .but this pain is different .it is better than that recurring pain ..she would send me one text message and i would become happy thinking everything is fine and would call her and she would snub me and i would cry and again she would contact me .again i would become happy and again i would cry..phew!! a VICIOUS cycle.... Pls dont put urself in this loop of despair...convince yourself that it has ended and then move on.try to build up your interest and once you decide it come to LS and post again and there would be n number of suggestions how to cope up and trust me all those suggestions are highly helpful... Whatever you do but please come out this dilemma..dont harbour any false hope...
Grinning Maniac Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Yeah I can relate. My ex's b-day is on Friday as well. I don't think I'm going to wish her a happy b-day either. There's no point. I haven't been keeping NC completely, I'll admit it. She's been "friendly" but that's all. I got totally snubbed the last time I even vaguely mentioned anything about "her and I". So last night, I decided to just forget about her, to walk away with no explainations, and to never look back. I took her off my buddy lists and tossed her phone number. She's not coming back, and I certainly can deal with that...if I have the time to process it. We didnt have an ugly breakup at all, I don't resent or regret anything, and the relationship was fun while it lasted. But the bottom line is that I still care for her and while that's a reality, I can't really be her friend. I'd always be holding out for something that would never happen. I don't want to deal with that. When I don't talk to her, I eventually feel fine about things and am at peace with the world and feel like moving on...but when I talk to her again, eventually I start feeling like crap. It's too soon for me to try and act like there was never anything between us. I'll miss talking to her, she was a good friend to me while we went out, but f*ck it. I knew the risks going in. All of you know the risks. If you value someone's friendship you shouldn't start dating them, and if you started out dating them, you can't be friends after it's over. Not for a long, long time...if ever. C'est la vie, bitches.
Numb Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by Grinning Maniac C'est la vie, bitches. Word that, but we always lick or wounds and move on to the next one to screw us up again. Its a viciuos circle.
Grinning Maniac Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 No doubt. I'm not trying to act hard or anything. I do the same thing. Romance is a wonderful and terrible phenomenon.
greenhorn Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Please tell me what does "C'est la vie, bitches" means ..
Grinning Maniac Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Really? I always thought "c'est la vie" meant "such is life".
Numb Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Hell I don't know, I'm not spanish <just kidding. I can't remember now....always thought it was see you later. (shrugs)
greenhorn Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Originally posted by Numb Hell I don't know, I'm not spanish <just kidding. I can't remember now....always thought it was see you later. (shrugs) I am totally confused now....Mods pls help us all and give us the official version....
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 9, 2005 Author Posted February 9, 2005 Originally posted by Grinning Maniac Yeah I can relate. My ex's b-day is on Friday as well. I don't think I'm going to wish her a happy b-day either. There's no point. I haven't been keeping NC completely, I'll admit it. She's been "friendly" but that's all. I got totally snubbed the last time I even vaguely mentioned anything about "her and I". So last night, I decided to just forget about her, to walk away with no explainations, and to never look back. I took her off my buddy lists and tossed her phone number. She's not coming back, and I certainly can deal with that...if I have the time to process it. We didnt have an ugly breakup at all, I don't resent or regret anything, and the relationship was fun while it lasted. But the bottom line is that I still care for her and while that's a reality, I can't really be her friend. I'd always be holding out for something that would never happen. I don't want to deal with that. When I don't talk to her, I eventually feel fine about things and am at peace with the world and feel like moving on...but when I talk to her again, eventually I start feeling like crap. It's too soon for me to try and act like there was never anything between us. I'll miss talking to her, she was a good friend to me while we went out, but f*ck it. I knew the risks going in. All of you know the risks. If you value someone's friendship you shouldn't start dating them, and if you started out dating them, you can't be friends after it's over. Not for a long, long time...if ever. C'est la vie, bitches. yeah good advice GM! ' C'est la vie ' is french meaning such is life or it is life... GM a little over a year ago i went through a breakup being the total dumpee and one day i had the strength ( just came after a few months of realisation ) to totally blank her and delete her from my life... after this she pursued me via email, texting and phoning, she had a bicycle belonging to me and i sent a friend to get it and she cried her eyes out saying how she didn't understand me! from then i had total closure and then i met my current ex who was a far better girl now the previous ex i have no emotional attachment with, i completely got over her but as the blinkers are now off i wouldn't want her as a friend for many reasons now about the birthday text i am going to send one just wishing her a good night whatever great things you have planned , thank her for the recent letter and card while i have decided to leave out all the trauma i have been going through because in the letter she painted a rosy picture too but a while ago she told me she lost a stone and didn't go to work for 2 weeks!
greenhorn Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Ok if you feel that much then send her the text message for the birthday but dont plan anything after that..i mean to say that dont raise your hope that you would get her back so better send her the message or else you would keep thinking about her.. do it buddy and then start the moving on process.. take care
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted February 22, 2005 Author Posted February 22, 2005 ok sent her the message 12-13 days ago for her birthday she responded straight away thanking me etc. and asking me stuff... i didn't respond to her even though i have thought so much about it she texted me on sat night which i am really shocked at, she met someone who knows me and obviously questioned him about me i haven't as yet responded i hate to be ignorant, i am still in love with her
greenhorn Posted February 22, 2005 Posted February 22, 2005 Yeah i can understand how pleasing and enticing this would have been to know that she was asking about you from someone who knows you.But buddy dont take this as sign of her coming back untill and unless you hear from her directly. You have to be doubly careful,she must be asking out of compassion but you need love not compassion right...so hang in there if she has to come back she would(though i see slim chance) or else these things just delays your moving on process.
Author BrainRightHeartWrong Posted March 14, 2005 Author Posted March 14, 2005 damn it... i met my ex in the bar on Saturday night, not intentionally but she walked out of the toilets right into me so ended up talking to her for a good hour, she bought me drink and i got so drunk i can't remember what i said towards the end of the night i told her i was annoyed at her ignoring me 2 weeks ago in the car, she said she couldn't look over because she thought i had a new girlfriend with me ( it was actually my mother ) anyhow her friend ignored me in the bar which i don't care as she is an arse! i sent her a drunken text when i got home saying how i was glad to see her but i would like to talk to her more about stuff i fell asleep then the next day there is a whole hoard of messages from her and then she tried to phone me which i didn't answer she apologised about her friend etc. and mentioned how her friend freaked out at her reaction to me ( ie friendly and talking with me ) i texted her yesterday about missing her call and i said i would call back last night as i was busy but i didn't call her back, instead i went out with my friends i'd like to know why she phoned me yesterday maybe it was something i said to her if i do phone her i'm not going to let her make me feel bad and i want to let her know how i did not treat her badly like she claims ( she may have said this to me the other night again! ) i can also remember her talking about the sex between us was great! :-) lol should i phone her or not? probably you all will say NC !
Donut Posted March 14, 2005 Posted March 14, 2005 Let her contact you! but don't hold your breath, it may have been a one off. Get busy living. (hug) for you.
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