7years she left, 1 year later I'm still hurt.

[7yearsbroken]

We have been together for 7 years. We were happy for the first 5.

When she left to school she changed, I did not even know how to react to that separation. I never truly accepted that she could change. I can accept that we grew apart. She found someone else almost instantly she left. Sure, she emotionally check out. Sure, she was confused. I successfully pushed her away, pleading, begging, then attacking her verbally saying stuff like you ... You lying .. You'll never find true love... Etc. yea. It was nasty. Out of seven years I've never attacked her, I've never treated her bad in any way shape or form. Upon reflection I've placed her on a platform that was not realistic. She was broken when we met in highschool, I invested emotionally and financially, unevenly and willingly because of "love".

 

I was wrong about her. She left for school in June 2013. We decided a break would be best because all she did was tell me I was worthless and she treated me badly. I was a doormat and I knew she needed my help so I did not mind. I truly was too nice and kind. Could I have left her when she needed me most? She had no idea how to handle moving all her stuff and she needed someone to be there for her jitters of a new environment. I supported her but I realized we still needed space, we where drifting apart, so I knew this would be the ultimate test of our relationship. I was foolish to think the space apart would make her Miss me more. Instead, she ran, RAN to the arms of someone else.

 

I could not understand why. I understand how she did not love me anymore. But I loved her and she knew this, it was not enough. I set her free and she showed me we were not meant to be. But still. Why? I can't change or force her to love me but I have this overwhelming feeling of how unfair life is. This is hard to accept. I still struggle after 4 months of NC, although I still check on her social media bio secretly. We both secretly contact each other by changing our bios on social media, dropping inside messages and riddles, driving each other crazy. I know this because I've watched her change her profile pictures and I'd change mine, then I saw a picture of her new boyfriend. I know, it's silly. I know I need to stop and start NC all over.

 

Accepting it's over is still hard. I know it is over. I told myself it would be only a year we were apart and I will know for sure if she really loved me. A year ago she came back for thanksgiving and told me she was no longer in love with me, but didn't tell me about the new guy. As I felt the change in the way we communicated I knew. Now, June 2014 approaches, and she is happy in love with someone else. Her new bio reads, "True friends leave footprints in your heart" with emoticons of us (inside message). This is enough for me to move on, but honestly I don't think I can for now, it'll take a lot more time.

 

So I'm angry, I'm confused, I'm hurt that someone who I fully invested in could do this. I know where I went wrong and I'm actively getting my life together, nonetheless I will never be the same. She seems so happy, after leaving a seven year relationship, she was having a ball with her new friends and boyfriend on campus, the vision of the sex has beat me up pretty bad, and I know I'm doing it to myself. Letting go of the attachment to be past is what I need to do, again it's not easy. They say abused people who have been dumped tend to take longer to move on, and I agree. Although I've handled this situation horribly I've learned a lot about myself.

 

So here I am wondering, she was away.. We were not together, she could've done whatever she wanted, but I caused her to walk away and friend zone me.

I pleaded and attacked her for something I could not possibly control,she is very attractive. I had hoped for her to miss me, want me as I did her but she did not. I should accept her no longer being in my life. But as June approaches I grow weaker, my mind still longs for her and I'm going mad. Again, it's been a year since she left, and if she came running back I don't know what I would do. Unrequited love so hard, and I know she does not love me the same.

 

She found someone else while being away long distance in school, in a masters program. Half of me tell me it's a phase. Other half tell me someone who truly loved me would not leave me. A part of me tells me she's just confused, continue NC and her bio updates are lies because she's confused. another part of me tell me she made up her mind and it's really over. The last time I heard her voice it was cold and uncaring, angry and I knew she no longer cared. So what do I do? Other than the obvious to move on. I need to but I can't. I know I'm not perfect, neither is she and I know you must set love free. I can only focus on myself and it's lonely. I don't want another relationship for a while. I don't believe in love. I don't believe in commitment. All the while she has a new boyfriend, happy. I deserve that too.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

We have been together for 7 years. We were happy for the first 5.

When she left to school she changed, I did not even know how to react to that separation. I never truly accepted that she could change. I can accept that we grew apart. She found someone else almost instantly she left. Sure, she emotionally check out. Sure, she was confused. I successfully pushed her away, pleading, begging, then attacking her verbally saying stuff like you ... You lying .. You'll never find true love... Etc. yea. It was nasty. Out of seven years I've never attacked her, I've never treated her bad in any way shape or form. Upon reflection I've placed her on a platform that was not realistic. She was broken when we met in highschool, I invested emotionally and financially, unevenly and willingly because of "love".

 

I was wrong about her. She left for school in June 2013. We decided a break would be best because all she did was tell me I was worthless and she treated me badly. I was a doormat and I knew she needed my help so I did not mind. I truly was too nice and kind. Could I have left her when she needed me most? She had no idea how to handle moving all her stuff and she needed someone to be there for her jitters of a new environment. I supported her but I realized we still needed space, we where drifting apart, so I knew this would be the ultimate test of our relationship. I was foolish to think the space apart would make her Miss me more. Instead, she ran, RAN to the arms of someone else.

 

I could not understand why. I understand how she did not love me anymore. But I loved her and she knew this, it was not enough. I set her free and she showed me we were not meant to be. But still. Why? I can't change or force her to love me but I have this overwhelming feeling of how unfair life is. This is hard to accept. I still struggle after 4 months of NC, although I still check on her social media bio secretly. We both secretly contact each other by changing our bios on social media, dropping inside messages and riddles, driving each other crazy. I know this because I've watched her change her profile pictures and I'd change mine, then I saw a picture of her new boyfriend. I know, it's silly. I know I need to stop and start NC all over.

 

Accepting it's over is still hard. I know it is over. I told myself it would be only a year we were apart and I will know for sure if she really loved me. A year ago she came back for thanksgiving and told me she was no longer in love with me, but didn't tell me about the new guy. As I felt the change in the way we communicated I knew. Now, June 2014 approaches, and she is happy in love with someone else. Her new bio reads, "True friends leave footprints in your heart" with emoticons of us (inside message). This is enough for me to move on, but honestly I don't think I can for now, it'll take a lot more time.

 

So I'm angry, I'm confused, I'm hurt that someone who I fully invested in could do this. I know where I went wrong and I'm actively getting my life together, nonetheless I will never be the same. She seems so happy, after leaving a seven year relationship, she was having a ball with her new friends and boyfriend on campus, the vision of the sex has beat me up pretty bad, and I know I'm doing it to myself. Letting go of the attachment to be past is what I need to do, again it's not easy. They say abused people who have been dumped tend to take longer to move on, and I agree. Although I've handled this situation horribly I've learned a lot about myself.

 

So here I am wondering, she was away.. We were not together, she could've done whatever she wanted, but I caused her to walk away and friend zone me.

I pleaded and attacked her for something I could not possibly control,she is very attractive. I had hoped for her to miss me, want me as I did her but she did not. I should accept her no longer being in my life. But as June approaches I grow weaker, my mind still longs for her and I'm going mad. Again, it's been a year since she left, and if she came running back I don't know what I would do. Unrequited love so hard, and I know she does not love me the same.

 

She found someone else while being away long distance in school, in a masters program. Half of me tell me it's a phase. Other half tell me someone who truly loved me would not leave me. A part of me tells me she's just confused, continue NC and her bio updates are lies because she's confused. another part of me tell me she made up her mind and it's really over. The last time I heard her voice it was cold and uncaring, angry and I knew she no longer cared. So what do I do? Other than the obvious to move on. I need to but I can't. I know I'm not perfect, neither is she and I know you must set love free. I can only focus on myself and it's lonely. I don't want another relationship for a while. I don't believe in love. I don't believe in commitment. All the while she has a new boyfriend, happy. I deserve that too.

 

You alone are responsible for your happiness. You know this.

 

It takes some people longer to heal as you mentioned. You obviously know you are making yourself WORSE by looking and analyzing social media. QUIT! That's a huge problem right there. You know it. I know it. EVERYONE knows it.

 

You seem to know the answers, but have issues applying them. If you have any friends that are decent with computers, there are ways to block websites. You need to ASAP. You consistently checking to see what she is doing keeps it fresh. That's your biggest issue right now.

 

You obviously know what you need to do. Whats done is done. We live once...do you really want to feel like this forever? I doubt it. So, block websites, get back to doing you, and when the time is right, go out and date again. There are MUCH better people out there.

[Chi townD]

It's been a year and you don't know why you're not getting any better? Seriously?!?!?

 

 

Okay, lets break it down. You spend 4 months haunting her facebook page. Not NC.

 

 

You leave little private innuendo's to each other on Facebook (probably all one sided and you're reading into hers as a secret code to you). Not NC.

 

 

You see her and talk with her at Thanksgiving. Not NC.

 

 

You creep on her pictures on Facebook or Instagram and see pics of her happy, pics of her new boyfriend, pics of her and her friends. Not NC.

 

 

Dude, you haven't been in NC at all! You're the one torturing yourself and not allowing yourself to heal!!

 

 

I'm going to suggest that you BLOCK her on Facebook. But, the thing is, that scares the hell out of you. But, you need to do it.

 

 

What about positive changes? Have you made any positive changes in your life? If so...what are they?

 

 

Isn't it about time to truly start NC and finding something that's going to make YOU happy? Isn't it about time you started to have some adventures of your own?

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life!

[bluenote]

I had a situation almost similar to yours, she was cheating and decided to deny it forever. That is what hurt most, when she was cheating with the last guy, she was pregnant and it brought confusion,hesitation and suspicion as to the father,but she gave birth to a boy and the baby resembles me strongly almost no need for tests, we communicate still and I support my son.

 

 

I can tell you its hell, it took some near impossible effort to come out of this alive and intact, I considered deleting myself or her. For the lady; she was with you for five years and obviously when she went away from you, she experiences a new environment with other more interesting men and the excitement they offer. She is overwhelmed and you in her past seem less to her. but you know what it wears down over time, she will soon realize that all men just want one thing, she will of course be very lucky if she finds a guy who seriously loves and cares for her, and you must be strong to accept.

 

 

what she has now is like a new toy and you are the old almost discarded toy but she did not throw you away, when there is trouble in the land of plenty I can assure you that you will be the first person she would want to run to for comfort.

 

 

For you my friend I feel with you, I know the million thoughts you have in a minute, I know the despair and humiliation, that you feel inadequate, that she weighed your manhood less than worthy, I know it hurts like hell and some more, but, you must know there was a time that she did love and adore you, you've had your time under her sun and its over. do not torture yourself, sometimes it is good to see other women, as much as you can and talk to them about your experience, but not too much to chase them, you know women don't really like an unstable guy, use that to get their sympathy I know it sometimes goes a long way.

 

 

There is no easy way it is a fight for everything you are. be strong, lose hope that she will come back and most important that you will accept her back, don't' FANTAZISE OVER THAT, ITS DUMB

[7yearsbroken]

It's been a year and you don't know why you're not getting any better? Seriously?!?!?

 

 

Okay, lets break it down. You spend 4 months haunting her facebook page. Not NC.

 

 

You leave little private innuendo's to each other on Facebook (probably all one sided and you're reading into hers as a secret code to you). Not NC.

 

 

You see her and talk with her at Thanksgiving. Not NC.

 

 

You creep on her pictures on Facebook or Instagram and see pics of her happy, pics of her new boyfriend, pics of her and her friends. Not NC.

 

 

Dude, you haven't been in NC at all! You're the one torturing yourself and not allowing yourself to heal!!

 

 

I'm going to suggest that you BLOCK her on Facebook. But, the thing is, that scares the hell out of you. But, you need to do it.

 

 

What about positive changes? Have you made any positive changes in your life? If so...what are they?

 

 

Isn't it about time to truly start NC and finding something that's going to make YOU happy? Isn't it about time you started to have some adventures of your own?

 

 

The best revenge you can get is to lead a damn good life!

 

I was very needy and did not have any direction before she left. I'm learning to be more independent and an graduating from a program that I put work into to distract myself from the pain of losing her. I'm very proud I was able to complete this program through my heartbreak, there where days I could not study. I did it on my own, and I have to say its big deal because I entered this program pleading that I can prove I can do it for us and I would become something.

She moved on you are right. She already found someone else. The revenge is to live a better life, I agree. I'm crawling, and looking forward to walking, eventually running again.

[7yearsbroken]

You alone are responsible for your happiness. You know this.

 

It takes some people longer to heal as you mentioned. You obviously know you are making yourself WORSE by looking and analyzing social media. QUIT! That's a huge problem right there. You know it. I know it. EVERYONE knows it.

 

You seem to know the answers, but have issues applying them. If you have any friends that are decent with computers, there are ways to block websites. You need to ASAP. You consistently checking to see what she is doing keeps it fresh. That's your biggest issue right now.

 

You obviously know what you need to do. Whats done is done. We live once...do you really want to feel like this forever? I doubt it. So, block websites, get back to doing you, and when the time is right, go out and date again. There are MUCH better people out there.

 

Thank you for your comment, you are right. I do want to move on, and I am breaking NC. She is much happier now. I should not even be thinking about someone who has left me. Thank you once more. I need to get smacked and wake up.

[7yearsbroken]

I had a situation almost similar to yours, she was cheating and decided to deny it forever. That is what hurt most, when she was cheating with the last guy, she was pregnant and it brought confusion,hesitation and suspicion as to the father,but she gave birth to a boy and the baby resembles me strongly almost no need for tests, we communicate still and I support my son.

 

 

I can tell you its hell, it took some near impossible effort to come out of this alive and intact, I considered deleting myself or her. For the lady; she was with you for five years and obviously when she went away from you, she experiences a new environment with other more interesting men and the excitement they offer. She is overwhelmed and you in her past seem less to her. but you know what it wears down over time, she will soon realize that all men just want one thing, she will of course be very lucky if she finds a guy who seriously loves and cares for her, and you must be strong to accept.

 

 

what she has now is like a new toy and you are the old almost discarded toy but she did not throw you away, when there is trouble in the land of plenty I can assure you that you will be the first person she would want to run to for comfort.

 

 

For you my friend I feel with you, I know the million thoughts you have in a minute, I know the despair and humiliation, that you feel inadequate, that she weighed your manhood less than worthy, I know it hurts like hell and some more, but, you must know there was a time that she did love and adore you, you've had your time under her sun and its over. do not torture yourself, sometimes it is good to see other women, as much as you can and talk to them about your experience, but not too much to chase them, you know women don't really like an unstable guy, use that to get their sympathy I know it sometimes goes a long way.

 

 

There is no easy way it is a fight for everything you are. be strong, lose hope that she will come back and most important that you will accept her back, don't' FANTAZISE OVER THAT, ITS DUMB

 

I'm very sorry to hear the pain in your situation. May I ask if you guys are still working it out? Yes I agree I'm the old toy, but I seriously doubt she would find me again. I won't look back, but I do feel the injustice. I am guilty of being in Lala land, and I know she wasn't right for me. It is sad. She was once my everything and I can't view her in that light anymore. NC will restart the right way now. It took all the support here to realize where I went wrong. Thank you.

[Elle1975]

I was very needy and did not have any direction before she left. I'm learning to be more independent and an graduating from a program that I put work into to distract myself from the pain of losing her. I'm very proud I was able to complete this program through my heartbreak, there where days I could not study. I did it on my own, and I have to say its big deal because I entered this program pleading that I can prove I can do it for us and I would become something.

She moved on you are right. She already found someone else. The revenge is to live a better life, I agree. I'm crawling, and looking forward to walking, eventually running again.

 

Reading your post your neediness, as you mention it in your post, jumped at me. I don't think you "were" needy, I sense that you still are. You haunt her social media and basically wait for her to come back. You're "stuck".

 

For sure you have been in situations where you were confident and calm. When dating someone, I would recommend to act the same way (even if inside you're jumping up and down!).

 

I had the same needy behavior in my last relationship. Now that I am single, I really wonder what the F I was thinking.

 

I agree with Chi... go NC, if you take even ONE pick at her media, you broke NC.

 

So if you want to get better, work for it.

[bluenote]

confusedhumanbeing,

 

 

we do communicate and she still tries to convince me that she just made the same mistakes over and over. I love my son and there was a time I seriously considered to fall back in her arms, but I realized she refuses to tell the truth or make a confession, of what I obviously know already. I really do love her but I cant' be with her again. This is for the mere fact that although I forgave her, what she did will always come up every time no matter how hard I try to suppress it.

 

 

People say if you keep bringing it up then you have not forgiven, but I think its not true I did forgive her and I don't feel any grudge but I have overlooked what she was doing several times because I felt I couldn't' without her. Its just ridiculous,

 

 

Bro, NC never worked with me, it just seemed too hard, I needed closure I needed to ask so many questions, mostly just a few thousand why's, lucky for me I went to work very far from where she was and it was impossible to meet with her physically. I just text her, first it was a whole lot of insults and swearing some of which I never thought I could conjure, then it was why oh why, and then I confessed my love for her, then bit of crying and then from the top. It just became senseless, I decided for the sake of the baby let me forgive her and have limited contact with her only insofar the baby.

 

 

The best thing is if you are lucky and you don't have to see her daily then don't make any efforts to see her or hear from her. my dear friend, the human animal is a very bad one, if this lady did care for you and if she sees that you are still craving for her by visiting her sites etc. she would come to you, but she is not and for you to visit any social media in search of her she exerts power over you and your suffering that you yourself cause is amusement for her.

 

 

I am sure you will overcome, I mean you can't seriously now be crying over her all you dear life, women outnumber men in this world, there is a lot of work to be done and time is not on your side.

 

 

blessings