Ok Good Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Hello all I've been dating this man for 6 months we have late dinners & spend the night together Fri & Sun & sometimes Mon (he has kids) and go for hikes sometimes on Saturday mornings the trouble is that Tues thru Fri he'll text me good morning & good night and that's it we don't speak during the day it feels to me that we have very little interaction all week he feels we have alot of contact cuz we spend those 3 nights together I hardly know what goes on for him during the week and he doesn't know much about my days either should we know more about each other's lives by this point or am I just rushing things? and is this a sign of incompatibility that we see our contact differently? thanks for any insight!
antineutrino Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Have you talked to him about the level of communication you want? If not, he may just not realize that you want more. I don't necessarily think it's a sign of incompatibility, especially if he's willing to compromise.
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Do you really see your contact differently or you are assuming this is what he's happy with? If you would like to hear from him why don't you pick up the phone in the evening and call him for a few minutes? Why does it have to be him leading the communication? At 6 months dating you should be comfortable talking about these relationship want and needs. I have been dating someone for 2 months. We see each other 2 times a week. He's pretty busy with his job and we have a bit of a distance to travel to see each other. I *assumed* that is all he could offer me till I said to him: I would like to see you more. He replied: Ok, we will see each other more, I always went to see you. It was THAT simple. 2
Author Ok Good Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Do you really see your contact differently or you are assuming this is what he's happy with? If you would like to hear from him why don't you pick up the phone in the evening and call him for a few minutes? Why does it have to be him leading the communication? At 6 months dating you should be comfortable talking about these relationship want and needs. I have spoken with him about this, he thinks that spending those 3 nights together equals alot of contact we talked about talking on the phone at night but his kids are hectic and he goes to bed when they do it didn't work out to chat at night when his kids are there he's really busy at work during the day, and I'd love to talk to him then (even just for 5 minutes) but since he never calls me in the daytime I figure I'm not much in mind and I hate to bother him.. so it looks like he's pretty content with the situation but I'm starting to feel needy which annoys me
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I have spoken with him about this, he thinks that spending those 3 nights together equals alot of contact we talked about talking on the phone at night but his kids are hectic and he goes to bed when they do it didn't work out to chat at night when his kids are there he's really busy at work during the day, and I'd love to talk to him then (even just for 5 minutes) but since he never calls me in the daytime I figure I'm not much in mind and I hate to bother him.. so it looks like he's pretty content with the situation but I'm starting to feel needy which annoys me My next question is: Have you had a talk about the nature of your relationship? You 2 are on the same page? Is this casual dating for him while it's building a meaningful relationship for you?
SoonMyFriend Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 What about just texting him more frequently? Like just a "how's the day going" around when you know he might be eating lunch? Or you will have to make it more clear to him that you need more communication. Otherwise this COULD become an issue. You need to establish what you need in a relationship. What do you want more of? More general day to day "how's it going?" Or more in depth conversations?
Author Ok Good Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 My next question is: Have you had a talk about the nature of your relationship? You 2 are on the same page? Is this casual dating for him while it's building a meaningful relationship for you? OMG! Excellent question!! It never occurred to me that we might be seeing the progression of things differently.. cuz he's so attentive to me when we're together calls me his GF said he loved me and I met his kids already. so no, we have not talked about the nature of our relationship maybe he's just likes hanging out with me
Author Ok Good Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 What about just texting him more frequently? Like just a "how's the day going" around when you know he might be eating lunch? What do you want more of? More general day to day "how's it going?" Or more in depth conversations? Great suggestion, but, I am SO over texting! he loves it and if I text him it takes him between an hour and 12 hours to text me back! And yes I'd like more general day to day how's it going? type convo but with us talking on the phone instead of just the texting.
Author Ok Good Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 Starting this thread made me think that maybe I'm too passive with him Since our meeting each other I've been practicing that whole 'let him show the effort" thing cuz in my last relationship I did ALL the work! He has shown me alot of effort and interest maybe its time I start initiating more myself? Like calling him when I feel like it? Arranging dates that sound fun to me? The only effort I show is I pay for everything he's broke what I worry about is that whole stupid thing of looking like I'm more into him than he is into me (sigh)
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 OMG! Excellent question!! It never occurred to me that we might be seeing the progression of things differently.. cuz he's so attentive to me when we're together calls me his GF said he loved me and I met his kids already. so no, we have not talked about the nature of our relationship maybe he's just likes hanging out with me In my world when I introduce my daughter to my bf and I say I love him it's because I see the man in my future and I am ready to seriously commit myself to our relationship. I have learn the hard way though it's not like that to everybody. I have dated men who've introduced me to their children and I learn the hard way I was just casual to them. As for the 'I love you', it means different things to different people. Once again to me it means I would die for you, for some it means they feel butterflies. That being said what bothers me in your story is that when you expressed your desire for more communication he dismissed it. The fact he finds it plenty of communication to him therefore nothing needs to be addressed is quite selfish. He did not even offer to meet in the middle or an alternative that would make you happy. When you love someone you want to make them happy and if it means calling good night 5 minutes once you're in bed, you do it. So is he all about 'himself' in this. 1
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 The only effort I show is I pay for everything he's broke WHOAH WOMAN ! We need to talk !!! 2
clia Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I have spoken with him about this, he thinks that spending those 3 nights together equals alot of contact we talked about talking on the phone at night but his kids are hectic and he goes to bed when they do it didn't work out to chat at night when his kids are there he's really busy at work during the day, and I'd love to talk to him then (even just for 5 minutes) but since he never calls me in the daytime I figure I'm not much in mind and I hate to bother him.. so it looks like he's pretty content with the situation but I'm starting to feel needy which annoys me From what you've written, it sounds like he has a reasonable explanation for the lack of a phone call in the evenings. I can also understand why he doesn't want to talk on the phone during the day at work. You should obviously talk to him, but I think you have to decide if this is a dealbreaker for you. If you want a guy who has time to call you during the day and in the evenings, you should go find him, because your current guy is not that guy.
Kernal Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 You need to read my thread.. I started feeling exactly like you.. 1
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