dichotomy Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Ever happen? Conversely, Has any BS actually asked this from their own WS (assume AP was also married). I know I often wished mu wife would have, but there was too much needed work in our own marriage, and it was a special situation anyway. I have read at least one story involving two married couples - where the BS from each side got together to talk and try to heal help each other.
BetrayedH Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I exposed my wife's affair to the OM's W. We checked in on each other a couple of times and I was prepared to befriend her but eventually I could tell that she didn't need it and was just doing it to be nice to me. We drifter apart after only a few conversations. As for APs, I haven't known any to do so IRL but I have known several here. In two cases that I recall, I actually helped them draft combination evidence/apology messages to the BSs. Both were OW that felt guilt after Dday. The one case went extraordinarily well. In the other, the WH had successfully thrown the OW under the bus as a predator and regardless of the evidence she provided to show otherwise, the BW stood behind her H and made the OW's life hell. In fact, the BW befriended the OW's H, basically toying with the OW about having a RA with him. Eventually even the BH cut the BW loose because she was nutso. People are so screwed up after these things that I doubt many people make lasting friendships but it does seem to happen from time to time. 1
snappytomcat Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 yes the xow did 2 days after dday she called me to apologize,and then proceeds to tell me how devastated she was,it felt like she wanted to console her cause she was so devastated,and im sure she was,but she alos bought half of it on herself,but im very compassionate so I told her as gently as I could that I was sorry for her pain,but she was 50% to blame,and I hope she could heal and move on,and kindly asked her not to contact me again,and she apologized and said I would never hear from her again this was almost a year ago,and she went phsycho nuts on me,wish she would just leave me alone,but in a way I feel terribly bad for her,even though im super angry at her
Author dichotomy Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 . As for APs, I haven't known any to do so IRL but I have known several here. In two cases that I recall, I actually helped them draft combination evidence/apology messages to the BSs. Both were OW that felt guilt after Dday. . That is a truly remorseful and accountable AP. Very nice for you have helped them draft the apologies - regardless of outcome with the BS. 1
notserene Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 My H got a text message that said "Well, I'm sorry I hurt your wife." It almost seemed like it had a sigh of exasperation behind it. As in "I don't really care, but I feel like I have to apologize." I noted that in all of the e-mails and texts where I was mentioned, she never used my name. I was always just "your wife." 1
tornapart2002 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I never received one and just wrote something about this in another post. She never even acted like I existed. Once, after Dday, at my darkest, I wrote something about how she hurt me on a social site and she responded on her page, "Hahaha! Someone thinks I care what they think or have to say." and a bunch of other stuff. In other words....she never felt bad about what she did and she never would. She wrote a few more things like that and sort of mocked the pain I was going through. It was an eye opener to me that people really can be that cruel, but it also helped me realize I never want to be like that. 2
compulsivedancer Posted May 10, 2014 Posted May 10, 2014 I wanted to write a letter to OMs long-term GF, but chickened out. I had a thread of LS about it. Everyone said if I was going to, it had to be soon. I think far too much time has passed now. OM told me that his GF had given him permission to sleep with me if H approved the open relationship. As H did not, I knew she didn't know. But I still thought she had consented. This changed my entire view of the A. (H spoke to her after DDay.) I never drafted her a letter. I couldn't figure out how to do it without putting blame on OM or trying to explain "why" and I was still dealing with my hurt and anger at OM, which caused me to feel in waves both sick at what we'd done to her and jealous of her. I still fear that I'll run into her some day. I'm actually a bit terrified of it, even though I imagine she would simply turn and walk away.
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