CONFUSED0202 Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 OK all of you experienced "daters" I need some advise..... Been separated for 4 months after an 11 year marriage and I am starting to go out know. So far just with friends, but this past Sat. went to a club. Met a guy that I have known for about 5 years, just as an acquaintance. Danced with him once, very polite.. He was not pushy like most men are in this situation. Ask for my number, and gave me his. When he got up to leave, gave me a kiss on the cheek and said "call me".... Ok when do I call or do I ? He has my number, should I wait for him to call or should I call him. I would really like to go out with him, but dont want to seem too desperate. I have other guys to "date" anytime I want, but he seems a little special and I dont want to mess it up... What do I do?
UCFKevin Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 Call him. It's not 1955. It's 2005. Women CAN make a move, you know. And it won't come off as desperate whatsoever, and if the guy perceives it that way, then you shouldn't want to date him anyway.
HotCaliGirl Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 From my experience, I think you have to wait for him to call you. If he doesn't, then it means that you are not on his mind... Usually in a relationship one person likes the other person more, which is why there are a lot of problems. You don't want to be with someone who you like more - it should at least be equal so if you call him, he might really think you're desperate on top of not having been so quick to have called you himself, so you are setting yourself up for hurt... When he finally does call you, don't let him know how desperately you have been waiting for his call. Instead, act like you have been going out and having fun which you should be doing...he's just been missing out on being with you.
Author CONFUSED0202 Posted February 8, 2005 Author Posted February 8, 2005 One says do, one says dont.... Would he really have left the conversation, with "call me" if he didnt want me too? If I do call how long should I wait I am sure we will both end up at the same club again this weekend, I told him I was coming back. Should I wait till then or not... I dont want him to think I am not interested
HotCaliGirl Posted February 8, 2005 Posted February 8, 2005 If you bump into him at the club again, tell him in an upbeat way that you thought he was going to call you! He won't say he asked YOU to call him, and IF he does, just say that you must've misplaced his number. Don't take it upon yourself to do his end of things... That is very domineering for him to expect a woman to initiate a first call, especially when he does have your number. If he wants that type of woman - one who will chase him, you are not it and don't turn into one. I know that I wouldn't feel good doing that and you shouldn't feel ok with it either. Next thing you know, he'll ask you to pick him up and/or pay for dinner, etc. All those things are NO unless you truly are desperate and then it's only pathetic. He should respect you and care enough to make that important first call, and you should like yourself enough not to expect anything less...
UCFKevin Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Holy LORD. You don't know the first thing about men. If a guy wants a girl to call him first, that means he's gonna think, "Oh, I OWN this girl! She's gonna be my b!tch from now on! I'm on Golden Street now!" I'm honestly astounded. Just call him. Quit worrying about it and just do it, for crying out loud. He may love it.
CurvyGurl Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 Depends-- if you're a particularly aggressive person (or even if you're not), and you don't mind going after men, who HAVE your phone number and know good and well how to use the telephone, go for it. If you're like me and can't stand when men wait around for women to chase them, then move on. My theory is that if a man is interested, he will call. If he's not calling, he's not interested. I don't care if he's manning the space shuttle the next day-- he will find a minute to call you. If he's not calling me, I move on. Even if he is too shy to call, he's not the kind of man I am looking for. So, it depends on you.
sportynut38 Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 I personally would have already called If he ask you to call and you wait, then tell him you misplaced his number ... he is going to think you are not interested ... according to me. You can always call and just say hi, maybe you will get his voicemail and then leave your number (again) and if he doesn't call back ... then I would figure it wasn't worth trying again. But nothing ventured, nothing gained.
UCFKevin Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 EXACTLY! Thank God I'm not alone here. You not calling him is JUST as bad as him not calling you.
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 UCFKevin is right on the money, but a guy that is truly interested would've called BUT in this situation.. the guy is most likely gauging CONFUSED2002's interest.. she did of course got out of a 11 year relationship! Dunno about HotCaliGirl and her 100lb baggage. Call him.
Hund1976 Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 He could be a little afraid of rejection so maybe he asks girls to call him. That way he doesn't have to take the risk of calling and then finding out you're not interested. I personally would be happy if a girl called me. So I say go for it. You'll never know unless you try.
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 9, 2005 Posted February 9, 2005 For goodness sake, just CALL HIM. You can analyse this one to death. Maybe he's shy, maybe he's testing you out. But you know what? He's a guy. Maybe he just said something without thinking it thru and now feels obliged to stick to it. Maybe he rang when you were out and was too shy to leave a message. I agree that if you're doing all the pursuing it's a problem. So monitor the long term trend. But this is just one little step. do it, do it, do it, do it....
Author CONFUSED0202 Posted February 10, 2005 Author Posted February 10, 2005 I did it... I called him last night. He said that he was just thinking about me but thought it may be too late to call. We talked for almost 2 hours. We made plans to meet up at the club Sat. night. I run my own business (a store) and he showed up today out of the blue. Said he was in the area (35 miles from his home). Stayed a few minutes and said he would see me later. I am glad I called, I know now that he would have called me anyway. Thanks guys for your replies.......
sportynut38 Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Woo Hoo! I am glad you did it! Congrats and I am glad it worked out as it did. Have a great time this weekend!
FoShizzleMyNizzle Posted February 11, 2005 Posted February 11, 2005 Originally posted by CONFUSED0202 I did it... I called him last night. He said that he was just thinking about me but thought it may be too late to call. We talked for almost 2 hours. We made plans to meet up at the club Sat. night. I run my own business (a store) and he showed up today out of the blue. Said he was in the area (35 miles from his home). Stayed a few minutes and said he would see me later. I am glad I called, I know now that he would have called me anyway. Thanks guys for your replies....... Yeh he is definetely very interested in you, yeah...and don't take advice from *most* women on relationships, they are like the MATRIX, they only show you what they want you to see.
Author CONFUSED0202 Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 I really appreciate all the advise since I am new at this dating thing again. But to those of you that said "DON'T CALL", sometimes you just have to take a chance. I understand now that it is 2005 and there are no rules... If you are interested, it doesnt matter who calls who first. If he is not interested, you will be able to tell, then don't call again. This time I got "lucky" but now I have all my friends telling me to go slow, dont fall too fast. Man, it was a lot simpler being married....not near as much fun, but a lot simpler.
Author CONFUSED0202 Posted February 11, 2005 Author Posted February 11, 2005 Tonight, he called..... We talked for over an hour. He told me that he hoped he didnt make me feel strange by dropping in today. I told him it was a surprise, but a nice one. We have talked at length about our past relationships and what we are definetly not looking for. I feel really comfortable talking to him, and obviously he is interested. Do guys go to these lengths, if they are not? I cant wait to talk to him again, and especially see him. Two nights in a row, that I am actually going to bed with a smile on my face...God, I realize how much I missed a real conversation. Too all of you that question, whether you should call or make the first move. DO IT.... Male or female, take a chance....Really what have you got to lose....
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 14, 2005 Posted February 14, 2005 Originally posted by CONFUSED0202 ...and obviously he is interested. Do guys go to these lengths, if they are not? No they don't. He is obviously interested - either by design or because he just can't stay away (I'd be experiencing a bit of both in his shoes) he is taking initiatives of his own now. Do keep tabs in the longer term though - make sure you don't in a couple of weeks start rushing ahead of him. To all of you that question, whether you should call or make the first move. DO IT.... Male or female, take a chance....Really what have you got to lose.... Yes! 1 woman down, 3 billion to go - the message is finally getting across
Author CONFUSED0202 Posted February 16, 2005 Author Posted February 16, 2005 Thanks to making that first move and the phone call, I had one of the best weekends of my life. Now he calls everyday, sometimes 4 or 5 times. Everyone is telling me to move slowly.....Well somebody tell me.... When you meet someone that you are physically attracted to, share a very similiar past, have the same future goals. Can talk for hours on the phone, get that funny feeling in your stomach, like youre going to throw up when someone just mentions his name. And he tells you that he is on the same page. How the hell do you go slow?????
CurvyGurl Posted February 17, 2005 Posted February 17, 2005 First of all, good on ya for making the move. It was right for you and I applaud that. **APPLAUSE** Make sure you're taking time for yourself, your hobbies, don't dump your friends, don't center your life around him. He's not always going to be this attentive...stretch it out if you can. I try not to lose myself in it... it's bad and cynical but alot of men WILL tell you what you want to hear. Just make sure you know within yourself that what he says is truth, and you're not just trying to convince yourself that its truth. He sounds like a keeper. Enjoy!
inez12 Posted February 23, 2005 Posted February 23, 2005 what happened with you two, did it work out?
Author CONFUSED0202 Posted February 24, 2005 Author Posted February 24, 2005 It is working so far... We seem to be moving a little fast, but everything seems right. We went away for this past weekend and had a wonderful time. We talk everyday. But I am little confused at this point. I hate guessing and I dont want to expect too much to fast. Today is Wednesday, we have been together for the past 2 weeks, do I assume that we are dating and that we will go out this weekend or do I wait for him to ask. We have moved really fast and like I said we talk everyday is it wrong to ask him, where do we stand???
ReluctantRomeo Posted February 24, 2005 Posted February 24, 2005 Originally posted by CONFUSED0202 is it wrong to ask him, where do we stand??? Ask nicely and it's fine. Don't ask in a way that puts pressure or suggests blame. Make it light and fun.
Recommended Posts