ferretking Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Hey guy's. This is my first time posting, so I apologize if I iv'e posted in the wrong area. I'm dating a girl who iv'e known for about 2 years, we worked at the same workplace for about a year and a half and have always managed to have small thing in common like comic books, pets and traveling ect. Iv'e pretty much had feelings for this girl the entire time that iv'e know her and about 5 months ago I plucked up the courage to tell her how I feel. We started dating and it was going really great, we always had stuff to talk about and were always doing cute little couple things together. Over the past month though things have started to become a little weird, like we just sit around all day and barley say anything to each other and when I look at it now I realize that we don't have all that much in common, or at least enough to keep a conversation going for more than 10 minutes we have also stopped going out on dates so the whole relationship has gone a bit stale I knew from the start that we were very different people and I think that it was one of the reasons why I was so interested in her. She is a very free spirited girl, quite hippy-ish if you will, into indie, pop punk and 80's music where i'm a bit of a nerd, love video games, sci fi movies, comic books and i'm into completely different music, black metal, death metal ect. I need some help to find a common ground with her so that we are able to converse a little better, I have always been a fan of "opposites attract" as well so should we be a little more accommodating if each others interest's? Id really like things to get back how they were at the start of the relationship but i'm just finding it a little hard. Any help or advice would be amazing thanks
d0nnivain Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 If you can't find places to connect, maybe the relationship has run it's course but I don't think that's the only answer. My husband & I are similar to you & your GF. On paper we don't have much in common: he's an introvert computer nerd & I'm the social butterfly. Just yesterday I was begging several of my guy buddies to pal around with him more. They all said they hadn't really asked him to do much because they weren't sure he'd go. I promised to "push him out the door" lol Go back to dating. Talk about current events. You don't have to have the same opinion on them just talk about them. For example this morning DG & I debated the merits of the proposed Congressional ban on selling tobacco products on military bases and our reactions to the celebrity outcry for US military intervention concerning the kidnapped girls. Try to take an interest in the other one's hobbies. It might not work. I tried playing some of DH's MMORPGs but they were all too violent for me. He was happy I tried. We keep working & throwing out ideas of stuff we can do together. It's a process
soccerrprp Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 (edited) ...always managed to have small thing in common like comic books, pets and traveling ect. I must say that these commonalities are indeed small things except traveling. But, traveling requires planning, time, money and ACTION ACTION. Later on, it seems you diminish the comic book commonality. Pets? Who doesn't like pets (I am indifferent, actually)? Do you both go out and walk the dog? How often do you ACTUALLY go anywhere? just sit around all day and barley say anything to each other and when I look at it now I realize that we don't have all that much in common, or at least enough to keep a conversation going for more than 10 minutes we have also stopped going out on dates so the whole relationship has gone a bit stale... Yup, not much in common. What did you do early on? Revisit them. I knew from the start that we were very different people and I think that it was one of the reasons why I was so interested in her. She is a very free spirited girl, quite hippy-ish if you will, into indie, pop punk and 80's music where i'm a bit of a nerd, love video games, sci fi movies, comic books and i'm into completely different music, black metal, death metal ect. I need some help to find a common ground with her so that we are able to converse a little better, I have always been a fan of "opposites attract" as well so should we be a little more accommodating if each others interest's? The "opposites attract" thing is one of the most over-rated things about relationships. Yes, they may help 'attract', but soon enough, they prove to be the undoing in terms of keeping a relationship lasting. People get excited about the differences, jump on, everyone is high on discovering the cool new and different thing about the other person and soon enough....they're sitting in the same room with nothing to talk about, complacent and wondering what happened. When you are hoping for a LTR, mutual interests MUST exist. It's also interesting to me how many women now days get hooked up with guys who are gamers, nerdy, and listen to dark music. I am stereo-typing here a bit, but such people, whether male or female, in my experience, tend to have some social difficulties in terms of relationships in general. I would never date a woman like that. But that's me and b/c I'm like your girl friend, OP, more open to experiencing the world outside of a virtual world, free, fresh air, music that is more fun and reflective of my, mostly, optimistic view of life. Edited May 9, 2014 by soccerrprp
Gaeta Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Having different interests will work if you have personalities that mesh well and if you are interested in learning about your partner's interests. I am dating a man that is into sport, hockey, basketball, soccer. I don't give a rat@ss about professional sports but right now it's the Stanly cup finals so I sit with my guy and watch it with him, I ask him how that works, about the players, the series, and I find myself interested in his interests. Go to concerts of her favorite band with her, open your mind, get an interest in what she enjoys, open your interest to her, find a game you may enjoy together. You both like pets then go volunteer at animal shelters. Get your imagination going.
soccerrprp Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Having different interests will work if you have personalities that mesh well and if you are interested in learning about your partner's interests. Yes, this is important. Do either of you have a genuine interest in each other's hobbies? You don't sound like you have similar personalities.
milanlover Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 It's the same with me.. we are very different people but I'm just sooo attracted to him I don't know why! And with other guys, I have things to talk about and some I feel like same type of people but I have zero attraction to them! I have turned down so many guys that are good on paper and I'm always with the one that is completely opposite. Love hates me lol
Frank2thepoint Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 I need some help to find a common ground with her so that we are able to converse a little better, I have always been a fan of "opposites attract" as well so should we be a little more accommodating if each others interest's? You two are actually not that different. You both like music, just different flavors of it. You like movies, and although you didn't mention it, I'm sure she enjoys a good flick. What you two need to do is express interest in each other's interests. You will have to take the initiative and do some digging. Fortunately for you, this actually involves you talking to her, asking her what she likes. For example, you are already know she likes going out, but to where? Clubs? Museums? Carnivals? Picnics? You should dig and offer suggestions so you get a better picture of her. For example, if she enjoys museums, ask what kind, such as history, art, sex, etc.. In addition, comment on how you would be interested in some of the things she likes, which draws a bond between you two. Personally I would leave video games out of the conversation, because it is a solitary hobby. There's nothing wrong with having the hobby, but it's hard getting someone into it, unless you two can find one that both of you enjoy, such as DrawSomething or WordsWithFriends over the phone. Don't go for competitive games, try the ones where you both work together, like puzzle or mystery. In addition, suggest something new, such as food/wine tasting events. Try to find a bar that hosts boardgame night so you two can do something together, as a team. 2
regine_phalange Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Maybe you dont talk all that much because your relationship has moved forward, therefore its possible that you are just in another level of comfort with each other. And that isnt necesserily bad. But at this point I think having more experiences together is important to keep the flame. If you sit around all day, then do something new. Dont ever stop going on dates. Order her "go get dressed, Im taking you out" and take her on a surprise date. Next time ask her what she would love to do, and that you will accompany her wherever she wishes. Write papers with random activities that you enjoy or would like to do together or are weird/funny and put them in a jar. Then let her pick a paper blindly. If your income allows, go to a small trip, just the two of you or with other couples. Bravo to you for being interested in keeping the rapport in your relationship. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Write papers with random activities that you enjoy or would like to do together or are weird/funny and put them in a jar. Then let her pick a paper blindly. This is a great idea my dear spontaneous Scorpio. It creates a little sense of mystery and excitement to discover what the adventure might be. Even throwing something crazy in like going streaking together at night in a random neighborhood can be real fun. 1
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